You may find this hard to believe but back in the day, when my skin was still a decent fit for my body instead of sagging forlornly like a hot air balloon entangled in a pylon, I was at art college and immersed myself in a variety of creative disciplines.
The life-drawing classes, for instance, were always an eye-opening education as we tried to capture the form and presence of the human body in all it copious shapes and sizes while recreating the salacious asides of an old Cissie and Ada sketch from a Les Dawson show.
“Did you see his corpulence?”, whispered a fellow student. “I daren’t look,” came my reply as I clutched my pencil case tightly to my waist in a manner suggesting tight-lipped disapproval.
Anyway, one of the other things I dabbled in was stop-motion animation, a process so painstakingly slow it could take an entire day of meticulous, incremental manipulations of a puppet to get about two seconds worth of smooth movement on camera.
I was reminded of this laborious procedure while watching Patrick Cantlay during the Tour Championship on Sunday night. Forget stop-motion. Cantlay is just stop, isn’t he?
At one point, he stood waggling his driver for so long on the tee, I genuinely thought his own ball was going to interrupt the excruciating passage of time with a polite cough.
It takes ponderous, plootering Pat so long to the hit the thing, I reckon officials will have to start carbon-dating his backswing.
Thank goodness, then, that Tommy Fleetwood beat him, and Russell Henley, to the ultimate prize at East Lake.
If Cantlay had won, he’d still be slowly lifting the trophy in miniscule instalments that would resemble the movements of my old stop-motion bloomin’ puppet.
Hats off to Fleetwood. At last. In his 164th event on the PGA Tour, the Southport player finally won his first title on US soil after so many near misses, close shaves and ones that got away.
This was a wonderfully heartwarming sporting tale; a triumph of perseverance by a thoroughly decent, honest man. Yes, there are still a few good folk who possess these qualities in this bonkers world of ours.
In recent weeks, the roars, bellows and chants from US galleries at various tour events have been increasingly jingoistic as the build-up to next month’s Ryder Cup in New York intensifies.
The wave of rapturous support Fleetwood received from the masses at East Lake, however, underlined his widespread popularity.
Either that, or it was a just an outpouring of relief that wearisome slow coach Cantlay didn’t win.
“I've always been very lucky that I make a great connection with people,” said Fleetwood of an amiable nature unaffected by fame and fortune.
“If I could give my kids one piece of advice, I always tell them to be a good person first.”
It may be stretching it to say that our American friends will be rolling out a fluffy welcome mat for Fleetwood at Bethpage Park during the Ryder Cup, but his Atlanta adoration was something to savour.
The praise and plaudits from all corners poured in on social media too. Basketball superstar LeBron James offered his congratulations, while Tiger Woods came on with a hearty message of goodwill.
The only other player Woods has publicly patted on the back this year was Rory McIlroy after he finally completed the career grand slam at the Masters. Tiger doesn’t applaud any old Tom, Dick or Harry. He does a Tommy, though.
I’m sure if you trawl through the online accolades from all and sundry, there will probably be one from Nicola Sturgeon too. And maybe a wee plug for the book?
But I digress. Fleetwood, a multiple winner on his home DP World Tour, pocketed the first prize of $10 million on Sunday but the sense of fulfilment would be worth far more.
In a money-soaked era, when many feel the auld game has lost its soul and have been turned off by the greed and entitlement fuelled by the PGA Tour and LIV Golf arms race, Fleetwood remains a relatable golfer who is as down to earth as a gentle seat in the bandstand on Lord Street.
Golf, as we all know, is a wonderfully intoxicating yet infuriating game and Fleetwood has shown, particularly during his recent gut-wrenching losses, that it can be played with grace and without self-pity.
The raw interviews he performed immediately after those defeats – not many would do such a duty – demonstrated his openness, his vulnerability and his sense of unwavering positivity and resilience.
He dusted himself down, got back in the saddle and rode off into battle again. The reward was richly deserved.
“I think I’ve had a great attitude through it all,” said Fleetwood of the mental resolve he has shown during those moments of disappointment.
In these moments of great triumph, meanwhile, it’s always nice to look back on those early years when players were coming up through the ranks.
In 2008, a teenage Fleetwood reached the final of the Amateur Championship at Turnberry and he gave us scribblers in attendance a cheery line about being an A grade student in drama.
He’d actually played the lead role in Macbeth. Gazing at the motley crew of Scottish golf writers must’ve been as ghoulish a vision as glimpsing Banquo’s flippin’ ghost.
If chance will have me king, why, chance may crown me? At East Lake on Sunday, Fleetwood finally reigned supreme. Rock on, Tommy.
