Never have I experienced such trepidation about a concert.
Nick Cave's highly anticipated Ghosteen tour sadly never came to pass, thanks to the arrival of Covid.
Released in 2019, Ghosteen is an album unlike any Bad Seeds record that has gone before.
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Born out of the singer's grief at the death of his 15-year-old son Arthur in 2015, it explores themes of loss, death and existentialism.
But when plans to tour the album were thwarted by the pandemic, Cave went back into the studio with long-time Bad Seeds collaborator Warren Ellis.
The result was Carnage, a hauntingly visceral album recorded over lockdown and unleashed on unsuspecting fans.
And so, it was with a mixture of excitement and apprehension that I took my seat at the Philharmonic Hall last night.
This is the first time both albums have been played to live audiences, and there was a rapturous welcome as first Ellis, musician Johnny Hostile and backing singers Wendi Rose, T Jae Cole and Janet Ramus took to the stage.
But the audience explodes when Nick Cave appears, striding onto the stage in his exquisitely cut, trademark dark suit.
Visually the friends make quite the odd couple. Ellis, with his magnificent beard, sits hunched close to the ground with his compact synthesizer, while Cave, standing at a lithe 6ft 2in, prowls the stage, arms raised to the sky, or pointing into the audience.
Kicking off with the arresting, lamenting Spinning Song, Cave immediately has the audience under his spell, segueing into the heartbreaking Bright Horses.
I'd be lying if I said this was an easy listen, at times almost wishing I had my facemask to hide behind as I was unable to stem the sting of tears. But as I glance around my fellow audience, I can see I'm not the only one moved to weep, with eyes being surreptitiously wiped.
Cave's deep, emotion soaked lyrics hit in waves and never give up, Bright Horses telling of the train that's 'bringing my baby back to me'.
Night Raid and Carnage follow, Cave pausing to dedicate the latter to Liverpool.
He barely takes a breath before launching into White Elephant, a futuristic industrial blues track, bursting with powerful lyrics speaking of rage and anger. He flings his microphone across the stage and dives behind the piano to belt out the song's almost evangelical ending - 'the time is coming, the time is nigh'.
The audience is clearly in awe of Cave, some leaping to their feet as each song ends to shower him with applause.
Ghosteen, Lavender Fields, and Waiting For You continue the emotional rollercoaster, Cave stopping to chat with the enraptured audience throughout.
He takes his seat at the piano once more, and breaks into I Need You, lamenting 'just breathe, just breathe, just breathe' until we're unsure if he is on the verge of tears himself.
It's music at its most brutally beautiful, and as it ends I wished for the second time that I'd brought more tissues.
A random cover of T-Rex's Cosmic Dancer follows, and then God is in the House, followed by the exhilarating Hand of God, bright red lights flooding the stage, an animated Ellis belting out the lyrics as Cave falls to his knees before his backing singers.
Between songs audience members have been shouting out the title of songs they want to hear, and Cave points at a man in the audience, asking: "what's your name?", before dedicating the next track - Galleon Ship - to 'Eddie'. As the song ends he jokes, "that was for Eddie, it's made his f****** night".
Next comes the gentle Leviathan, before he breaks into Balcony Man.
Pointing to the balcony, he says, "This is for all you balcony people."
Someone from the audience shouts, "what about balcony women?", to which Cave replies, "balcony men, women and everything in between", before joking, "I've just been cancelled, I knew it would happen eventually."
As Balcony Man ends, the band takes a bow and leaves the stage, returning a few minutes later for an encore as the hall is filled with thunderous applause and cheers.
By now the audience is on its feet, and will remain there.
They play Hollywood, before going back to the 'dark ages for some mid-period Cave' with Henry Lee, and then Into My Arms.
By then it's clear that Warren Ellis is having some issues, and reveals he's actually managed to blow his amp. Unable to fix it, he breaks out a flute for Breathless.
They leave the stage once more, but the house remains dark and the audience quickly realises there's something special coming.
And out they trot for a second and final encore. "We'd feel cursed if we didn't play this one", Cave tells delighted fans, breaking into Ghosteen Speaks.
By the time they take their final bow, it feels like we've all been through the ringer.
A truly unforgettable experience.
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