Rules rule. The NFL is over-ruled.
At The League's owners meeting last week, no doubt after deciding where to get the best porterhouse in Atlanta, The Rulers botched what could have been an easy decision on national anthem protocol _ and then actually did something right with the adoption of new kickoff guidelines.
The billionaires are running scared from the White House and others misinformed on the anthem issue (so players who choose to come onto the field for the anthem now risk a fine for genuflecting), and from the elevated concern over players' brain injuries.
Of course, during their March meetings, The Rulers established a law that prohibits all players _ including linemen _ from leading with the crowns of their helmets.
Or, the things that may be affecting slumping TV ratings _ in other words, the thickness of their wallets.
The anthem problem, which never was about the flag or the military, but social injustice, could have been solved by the employers simply ordering their employees to remain in the locker rooms until it is over.
I've never understood exactly why the anthem has to be played before our games. They don't play it in your office when you go to work every day. It's difficult to sing and often is mangled. Many fans behave like idiots during it. Fans not in the stands run around freely while it's playing, even though it can be heard where they are.
Players have bosses, just as I have. If we're told not to do something, we don't do it. They're told when to take the field now. So tell them to wait a while longer.
The crown of the helmet thing I'm not that concerned about. It's just stupid and will be impossible to enforce.
The kickoff rule is another matter. It actually may make it more exciting _ and it certainly is better than the thought of eliminating one of the greatest and potentially demoralizing moments in sports, which The Rulers were taking under advisement while sipping their apres dinner 1811 Napoleon Grande Reserve cognac.
1. The kickoff team must have five players on each side of the ball.
2. The kickoff team cannot be lined up from the restraining line (in other words, no running starts).
3. At least two players must be lined up beyond the yard-line number and two players between the inbounds line and the yard-line number.
4. Only three players can remain outside the setup zone.
5. Wedge blocks have been eliminated.
6. Until the ball is touched or the ball hits the ground, no player on the receiving team may cross its restraining line, or initiate a block against the kicking team in the 15-yard area.
Anyway, there's going to be a lot less full-speed thumping going on.
As Packers President Mark Murphy told Sports Illustrated in March: "If you don't make changes to make it safer, we're going to do away with it. It's that serious. It's by far the most dangerous play in the game."
For comment on this, I went to one of the toughest football players I've known, Hank Bauer, former special teams ace with the former-Chargers-turned-Judases.
Hank ranks among the greatest of all special teams players. In 1981, he was credited with an astonishing 52 special teams tackles, a record, and rightly was named NFL Special Teams Player of the Year. A short time later he broke his neck and played with the injury. When ordered not to play anymore, he coached San Diego's special teams (and very well) before going into broadcasting. He he now serves as an every-week NFL game analyst for Sports USA Network.
"I applaud the NFL for making the game safer," Bauer says. "I think the new rule is going to extend careers and many players won't have to worry about serious health problems.
"You're not going to get a running start. Guys will be more spread out. There are going to be fewer full-speed collisions. And, I believe there's going to be more potential for exciting returns. People like big plays."
And there's something else, which Hank, the special teams coach, spotted, which could make the new rule even more interesting.
"With three guys back there, everybody has to be within 15 yards of the neutral zone," he says. "It creates cavernous holes in front of the blockers. I guarantee you some special teams coach is going to use mortar kicks (pooch kicks) and it's going to be a foot race getting to the ball _ an oblong ball that bounces crazily.
"What's the worst case? Getting the ball on the 30? I'll take that risk.
"With new rules come new opportunities."
But ...
"The helmet rule _ the lowering your head rule _ bothers me," he says. 'You have to be real careful of changing the game too much. Linemen can't use the top of their helmet? What?
"How can you play football this way? This is the hardest game to officiate as it is. I can't see how this rule can be officiated. Unless it's egregious, it should never be called. You're on the goal line and everything's condensed. Defensive lineman submarine on the goal line. How do you play that way?"
And the anthem thing?
"Order them to do stay in the locker room. You work for them or forgo working for them," he says. "You guys choose to work for the NFL; if you don't like it, don't work for it.
"You come out on the field all crazed and you have to stop for it, go from 1,000 mph to zero? Build yourself to an emotional crescendo and have to stop? You are employers. Make them stay in the locker room.
"But, you know, I still love football. I love this game."
Must. He almost gave his life for it.
But, as Katharine Hepburn said, if you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun.
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