A NHS mental health nurse of 25 years has spoken out about how he almost took his own life in a bid to help other people get the support they need.
Nick Judge, 51, of West Bridgford, has bravely spoken out as part of Mental Health Awareness Week to raise awareness of mental health support and thank his GP who he says saved his life.
Nick’s life changed forever at the end of June in 2018 when he sat in his car outside work and contemplated the idea of taking his own life.
He said: “I couldn’t stop the tears coming out of my eyes; they were streaming down my face. It was my lowest moment.
“As a mental health nurse of 25 years, I have sadly seen the devastation that suicide causes to families far too many times. My own family, my wonderful wife and our two adorable kids, flashed into my mind.
"I realised it was finally time to get the help that I had been putting off for 20 years.
"I called my GP. He saved my life.”
His GP told him he had severe depression and prescribed him counselling and medication.
Until then Nick had never had a formal diagnosis.
He said: “I knew I had to admit to the world that I was seriously unwell. I needed to take that step. It was like different tree branches catching me all the way down with my GP, colleagues, friends and family.”
Nick said he had battled with an “inner conflict” that he could help his patients but could not help himself for years.
He said: “I loved helping patients and getting them on the road to recovery. Looking back, I was living with acute anxiety, low mood swings and persistent thoughts of suicide.
“I bounced around a lot of jobs. I had a constant critical commentary in my head telling me I was a rubbish father, husband, and clinician. I felt like an imposter at work even though I knew my job inside out.”
Over time, Nick’s alcohol consumption increased and he was having trouble sleeping. It all came to a head in 2018 but Nick said the support he had received after accepting the illness had been astonishing.
Now, almost three years later, he is encouraging anyone who is experiencing mental health problems to call their GP.
He added: “After speaking to my GP I took some time out from work and had some really good therapy through IAPT [Adult Improving Access to Psychological Therapies programme], which accepts self-referrals. The main outcome was me accepting the diagnosis and owning it.
“I’m pleased to say that my mental health hasn’t suffered during lockdown. If anything I feel blessed to have had this extra time with my family. Remember, there is always hope.”
If you are concerned about your mental health, or you are worried about the mental health of a relative or someone you care for, the first thing you should do is speak to your GP.
The NHS has also set up 24/7 crisis helplines for people of all ages who are experiencing a mental health crisis, you can find your local service at https://www.nhs.uk/service-search/mental-health/find-an-urgent-mental-health-helpline
You can also contact Samaritans on 116 123 or https://www.samaritans.org/
