Full-time. Pittsburgh Steelers 43 defeated San Francisco 49ers 18
Okay, something of a reality check for the 49ers after their fine win at home last week, they were belted in just about all facets by the committed and physical Steelers pack of wild men who hit and hit again. It was fierce and physical stuff and Colin Kaepernick was harried and harassed and sacked five times, a lot.
The Steelers, meanwhile, owned the fixture with Quarterback Ben Roethlisberger having plenty of time to do his thing and feed DeAngelo Williams and Antonio Brown who scored touchdowns on a whim.
Jarryd Hayne had two rushes for three yards, Jim “The Hedgehog” Tomasula preferring others today. Dunno why. But you’d think twice before second-guessing the Hedgehog, he could stare daggers at you for America.
Okay. Thanks again for your e-readership. I’m Matt Cleary. It’s just gone 6:10am here in Sydney Town. And that, The People, is that.
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Two minute warning that the game is about to finish, it’s a Thing. Steelers people wave their yellow towels about their heads. It was first done many years ago and now everybody does it, went to a hockey game once in New York and they were handing socks to everyone and we waved those socks above our heads like little helicopters, good times.
Two minutes to go here in Pittsburgh. Steelers ball. Roethlisberger is off the field. Is there a spare quarterback? No. Steelers are just dropping the ball on the ground. Running out time. Everyone’s walking on the the field. That’s the game. It’s over, baby. It’s over.
Touchdown? No. Kaepernick’s knee hit the ground before the ball broke the plane, the imaginary line from the start of the end zone into the sky. All scoring plays are reviewed. And this one has resulted in no touchdown for the Niners because a man’s knee can’t have hit the ground before the ball has crossed the plane. And thus, ruling reversed. No touchdown. Pittsburgh ball.
Okay. Steelers kick off. Ball comes back to the 20. Happens a bit, that. And Colin Kaepernick finds Smith wide for a gain of 5. DeAngelo White comes on. Jarryd Hayne stands silent sentinel sideline, lonely as a cloud. Davis scoots up guts. Falls over. Kaepernick hurls to Boldin. First down on the 35. Old mate Shazier belts someone again, a noted belter, Shazier, he has a few mates in this Steelers D-line, they are top whackers. Then Shazier belts himself, such was his desire to whack the Rookie running back. Top stuff.
Okay - Niners ball and Kaepernick’s hurling the ball upfield. 2nd and 4. Wide to White. There’s no Carlos Hyde. He’s back out of the sheds but not playing. Kaepernick throws long to Boldin, first down. Fine football.
Davis takes a catch, is whacked hard in the thighs. 2nd and 5. Davis goes again, the other way, he was belted by Harrison but bounced off him like a pinball. Patton makes a catch. First down. There’s 3:27 to go. Davis, he’s got his team to the 3-yard line. Kaepernick flings it out. 3rd and goal. Kaepernick flings it out again. Anquan Boldin the target. Flags. Timeout? Yes.
Touchdown Steelers! Pittsburgh 43 San Francisco 18
Antonio Brown gets on the end of another Benny R throw, easy touchdown if there is such a thing. Certainly looked easy, there was an inevitability about it. Roethlisberger has had plenty of time to do his thing and his running men have caught some long bombs on the run. It’s been a clinic.
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Niners kick off. Ball caught in End Zone. Restart from the 20. They could just start there.
But no matter. Because here’s DeAngelo Williams, three touchdowns, lotta hair, lot to like.
ANTONIO BROWN! HE GETS ON THE END OF ANOTHER ROETHLISBERGER BOMB AND THE OLD MAN OF THE SEA, I DON’T KNOW HOW OLD HE IS BUT HE’S BEEN AROUND, BIG BENNY R, HE’S OWNING THE 49ers and I can stop shouting about it, but. Lot to like about this Steelers attack action.
Touchdown 49ers! Steelers 36 Niners 18
Rightio then. Niners. What they got? KAPENERNICK! BEAUTIFUL THROW, A LASER BEAM HITS TORREY SMITH WHO GOES 75 YARDS! GREAT STUFF, NINERS.
Niners go for the extra two. And Smith gets it. 8-point play.
Top stuff.
Steelers kick off. They are owning this fixture. Meanwhile, says Learned Les Carpenter: “Another big story today is No 1 pick Jameis Winston who is tearing apart the New Orleans Saints. So far Winston has run for 181 yards and run for nine. He has touchdowns both running and passing. I fear the Saints might not be very good this season but Winston is looking every bit of the player taken at the top of the draft.”
Touchdown Steelers! Pittsburgh 36 San Francisco 10
DeAngelo Williams has a hat-trick after bullocking his way through the meat of the Niners D-line, he rumbled about around a giant mess of blocking and scrapping people, something of rugby’s dockyard brawl and/or maul about it, but Dashing DeAngelo burrowed through and around and went over.
Jimmy Tomasula reviewed it because why not, perhaps there was some jiggy pokery or clipping or even unnecessary roughness. But it stands. TD, baby. TD.
Kicker nails extra point.
Okay, Niners go deep. There’s 13 minutes to go. Is that a lot?
Right. DeAngelo Williams makes very good yards, he can run like a hairy goat afire. Strong man, a nugget.
Steelers, 2nd and 7 on the 35. Benny finds Antonio Brown who sneaks off with a few yards. ROETHLISBERGER! BRILLIANT STUFF, HE RAN TO HIS RIGHT AND HUUUUURRLED A 48 YARD BOMB TO MARKUS WHEATON, fine football. The big man was off balance but he pulled the trigger and set Wheaton free.
Touchdown 49ers! Pittsburgh 29 San Francisco 10
Kaepernick flings it to Anquan Boldin who caught the brown oval of synthetic pigskin, dragged one foot and then another into the End Zone proper and this was enough for the on-field decision to stand.
Fabulous Phil adds the extra point. Can the Niners come back? Do they speak English in What?
Les Carpenter says: “Oh the momentum swings...They happen fast in the NFL. Washington was rolling over the Rams until running back Matt Jones fumbled, the Rams have scored twice and now Washington is clinging to a seven-point lead...San Diego is starting to catch fire against the Bengals after a dreadful start...Adrian Peterson’s dreary first game against the Niners is behind him. He’s running all over the Lions today with 80 yards rushing and another 49 receiving...Tom Brady is looking every bit of Tom Brady. Rex Ryan’s hope of stifling Brady and controlling the game with a methodical run attack is gone. The Patriots are dominating today.”
4th and goal. Touchdown? We’ll have a good long review whether the man got his feet down. It’s going to be very very very very very close.
Davis takes a pass wide and James Harrison drives him back. Tough stuff. Timeout Niners. Kaepernick heads off for a yarn with Tomasula. What shall we do, coach? Score a touchdown? Here they come. 2nd and goal. Kaepernick hurls into the end zone for Torrey smith but this committed pack of Steelers beast men get in the way, old mate Boykin doing the deed here. 3rd and goal. There’s a flag. Against the offense. Yellow flags wave like little helicopters. Carlos Hyde’s back out of the locker room.
And Kaepernick is sacked again. Not his afternoon. Not no how.
Oh - boom. Bell, has his bell rung. The tight end, catches a bullet from his QB and his belted in the back by Will Allen, one of the Steelers troupe of belters. And it’s Unnecessary Roughness, and Bell goes off to check if he still has kidneys.
First down.
Okay, Niners ball. False start, offense. That’s what you need when you’re down 29-3 third quarter. OH! VARNON DAVIS IS OPEN A LONG WAY DOWN TOWN AND KAEPERNICK FINDS HIM ... 43 yards. And that’s the third quarter done like a big chicken dinner.
We reviewed it through Big Jim Tomasula, who’s exclaiming on the sideline something that lip-readers could tell you.
Okay - Steelers ball, right in their red zone. They rumble it out through DeAngelo Williams, thatch of purple dreds, plenty of game. Big Benny R ... GOES LOONG ... but Eric Reid gets in the way of the intended target Antonio Brown, the Everywhere Man.
Steelers punt. Hayne Plane!? No. It’s DeAndrew White ... who catches it. Sees a gaping hole. Sees the rushing D-men. Runs sideways. Gets hit. Niners ball somewhere near their 43 yard line.
It’s time, Tomasula.
It’s Hayne Plane Time.
Steelers fans, doing the towel thing. Davis! Nearly. Kaepernick. Touchdown? NO TOUCHDOWN! KAEPERNIC THREW IT TO MILLER IN THE END ZONE BUT BUT BIG BRUCIE MILLER COULDN’T HANG ON, OR PLACE HIS FEET INTO THE END ZONE ... something. But it’s no TD, baby, and the Steelers line of D-men celebrate like they’ve won the lottery. Big celebrations, big chest-thumping. I would suggest some exclamation of We da bomb, or We are really good, and you are not, Niners, take your silly offense away from here this is our house and you can’t come in you are like burglars, something like it.
Ruling stands, the ball got over the line, probably. Davis has another scoot up guts, is met by a human wall of man-meat, there’s no room through there. Carlos Hyde has limped off. Kaepernick throws another one into the ether. Surely it’s Hayne Plane time. Let the man live, Tomasula! Let him live!
What now, Niners? Kaepernick goes over the tiop to Bruce Miller, who should change his name to DeBruce Miller-Whacker, to fit in.
Niners, close now. Very close. Kaepernick lofts one into the end zone, Rookie Davis can’t catch it because nobody could.
4th and 1. BUT THE STEELERS REPEL THEM, THE MIGHTY PITTSBURGH STEELERS REPEL ... ha. Nearly. Didn’t look like it. But Davis got over the line, just. It’s 1st and goal. Flag. Coach Tomlin challenging. Loves a challenge, Tommo. He’s asking whether old mate made it to the line. We’ll know in due course.
Kaepernick! Boom - hard and flat, a top throw to the No.85 Vernon Davis, but he’s belted and drops it out. Next play - Boldin! Drops it! Perhaps rattled the previous late-whacking. Kaepernick dishes guts to Hyde. And the Niners have a roll on. They’re 4th and 1. Steelers people doing the towel thing. But Kaepernick dishes to Davis again and the 85 hangs on despite a belting by Anton Blake, a noted belter.
Okay ... Kaepernick, dummies to Hyde, goes himself. DROPS IT! They all pile in. But the Niners recover. 2nd and 4, they go wide to Davis, and that’s a first down. They’ve come out to play the Niners, they had no other option. Kaepernick! Goes long and hard down the guts but... oh, incomplete. It’s 2nd and 10. CK goes wide. Flag. No.81 is hit late, Boldin is upset ... and it’s a 15-yard penalty against the Steelers. And ... Boldin gets a catch and there’s another first down. They have to convert here, one would warrant. Kaepernick! He doesn’t mind a run, our Colin, the long-legged QB man. Another first down. Let’s see what they got, 30 out.
Now what? Kaepernick to Hyde, would be my tip. We’ll see.
Steelers ball. Second and 11. Now third and 10, nice D from the Niners wide D-man. Benny finds his man DeAngelo but they can’t make any yards and that’s a nice little section by the Niners, and they’ve forced the Steelers to punt ... IT’S AUSSIE TO AUSSIE ... PUNT MAN Berry belts one to the Hayne Plane who catches, runs a couple yards and runs into a mobile wall of giant and physical human beings who all want to hurt him. Tip top stuff.
So I asked our Stateside Expert Les Carpenter what Tomasula would be saying in the sheds at half-time, would paint be peeling off the walls, etc. And Les said: “Halftimes in NFL aren’t as exciting as one might think. They’re certainly nothing like the postgame speeches you see (as in Tomasula’s last week in San Francisco). He probably said very little. The coaches huddle to made adjustments to the things the opponent is doing. In this case, the Niners coaches are probably saying: How do we stop Big Ben! The changes they make will be conveyed to the players in small meetings split up by position played on the field. Tomasula probably said a few words and sent the team on the field.”
Bradley Pinion, to punt. Antonio Brown signals Fair Catch. Not sure why, what advantage there is, you’d think you’d want to run and make some yards. But they’ve been doing this a while, the NFL. Hard to second guess em.
Okay, moments to kick-off, the Niners will receive. Talking heads doing their thing. Jim Tomasula pacing up and down like a bear, maybe a hedgehog. And here come the Niners, running it back through the rookie from Alabama, DeAndrew White.
And here comes Colin Kaepernick, the enigmatic Niners throwing man, he passes to Carlos Hyde, again. And then again. No, to Smith. Torrey Smith. And that’s a first down. No it’s not. It’s a third and 1. Do they get it? They do. But not before No.23 goes boom. Whack. Big whack-action.
Next play Kaepernick goes for a run. Makes 8 yards. Hyde has a run. There are some flags. What’s doing? Clipping! That’s a new one. And it’s a 15-yard penalty. Clipping. Don’t do that. Shazier made a strong tackle. And the Niners are second and 18. And ... SACKED! Kaepernick belted for the fourth time today, his blockers are giving him very little love. And it’s 3rd and 24. Kaepernick runs. Shazier gets him. And the Niners must punt.
It’s time for Hayne Plane.
It’s time.
Okay. Back in action here in Sydney Town, and the great Les Carpenter asks: “Matt. What’s with Tomasula not getting the ball to our man? He’s only down by 26 points. But here are some things that show promise through the first half today... The Adrian Peterson-Teddy Bridgewater pairing is looking very good so far. Wait until you see the lunging toss Bridgewater made to Peterson as he was about to be sacked. It went for 49 yards... Washington’s run game is tearing up the Rams with 132 yards, taking all the pressure off Kirk Cousins who has been nearly-perfect...The Bills still cannot stop Tom Brady but caught a break on a big pass interference call...Jameis Winston throws a beautiful touchdown pass just before half in New Orleans...oh at the Bears might have lost Jay Cutler, who was injured while trying to make a tackle on what else: an interception!”
Half-time. Pittsburgh 29 San Francisco 3
Righto ... time out? No. Half-time. And off we go. Yes, half-time. Just a little whistle and we’re off. In Levi’s Stadium last week they had what sounded like a massive foghorn. And it’s coffee time in Sydney, The People. George Clooney Coffee Time.
Okay, Yes. Carlos Hyde. He’s belted by many men. Made two yards, though. Kaepernick, flings it wide. Third and one. And there’s the first down through Carlos Hyde, running wide. Does Hayne want to be a part of this? He probably does. But my, these Steelers are coming. Kaepernick fakes ... and runs. Long-legged man, he’s like Kareem Abdul-Jabbar fighting Bruce Lee. No he’s not. A long man, though.
His next pass is incomplete. It’s 3rd and 5. Okay, where are we. 35 yard line. And the ... pass to 85 is flat and hard and low and incomplete. Mike Mitchell covered it. And the Niners will punt to Everywhere Man Antonio Brown. The ball goes out. And we swap over teams.
Steelers to kick off and the Niners to receive, and the ball goes over the end zone. And the teams swap over. Where to for the Niners? Carlos Hyde, my tip.
Touchdown Steelers! Pittsburgh 29 San Francisco 3
Second and goal, Steelers. Roethlisberger pops it into the belly of the beast, DeAngelo Williams, and it’s all Pittsburgh here in Pittsburgh. The running man tucks it in tight and bops over just about untouched. Too easy, Campese, as was once said hereabouts.
Steelers. More yards. DeAngelo Williams, he’s doing plenty today. Huge thatch of mauve dredlocks, the man has much confidence.
Roethlisberger. Another first down. It’s a training run. Antonio Brown makes a reception. Then Keith Miller gets one. Roethlisberger had the ball for 20 minutes in the pocket, had more options than ... something. Mastercard? Ha. I dunno.
Two minute warning. Whatever that is.
Okay, Niners get a first down through No.88, Selek, after Kaepernick dishes one over the top to the giant rangy man, you wonder how a man so big can keep himself upright much less run about playing footy.
Niners on the 41. And .... STEELERS BALL! And they celebrate, leap about. Carlos Hyde, drops the ball and No.50 falls on it and he’s a happy man, his team-mates embrace him, do that funny leaping chesty-bumps one, as if to say, Way to fall on that ball, man. Way to fall on that ball.
Okay, Steelers to kick off. They do. Rookie White drops it in the End Zone but it doesn’t matter, it’s a rule. And the Niners have the ball on their 20.
Well, they’re owning this fixture, the Steelers, and San Francisco has no answer.
For mine: unleash the Hayne Plane. Put him into quarterback. Try something, Tomasula.
Touchdown! Steelers. Pittsburgh 22 San Francisco 3
ROETHLISBERGER dummies to a middle man and flings the hamburger long into the End Zone where it’s caught by Darrius Heyward-Bay, brilliant stuff.
Kicker man hits the post with his kick. Hooked it from in front. One job, kicker man.
Okay. Jimmy Tomasula, will we see our man the Hayne Plane on kick-off return? We ... no. It goes to the No.63, a huge man. He wasn’t meant to get it. Jerod-Eddie, Tony. Man there’s some names in this National Football League.
Next play, Kaepernick surprises nobody by giving the ball to Carlos Hyde, he’s got a bigger target on him than that deer in that funny Far Side cartoon.
3rd and 7, Niners. SACKED! AND DRIVEN BACKWARDS. The Steelers are emasculating these Niner People in attack and defence. And the Niners must punt... the punter’s inside the end zone. He bops it to halfway. Where ... Antonio Brown, the man is everywhere, returns it 15 yards or so, ideal attacking areas for Big Benny.
Touchdown Steelers! Pittsburgh 16 San Francisco 3
Benny R gives it to DeAngelo Williams ... and he just bullocks his way over. Dominant little passage by the Steelers. They will kick this time. Flags. And Roethlisberger comes out. They’re going for a little touchdown-esque points thing. So many ways to score points. And there’s another two-point conversion! Wow. They are owning this puppy.
Okay, Steelers ball from the 20. DeAngelo Williams gains three yards. Then he flings it to Williams again who drops it. Big red hunk of hair hanging out the back of his helmet, Willo. It’s 3rd and 7, and Brown... boom! Fine catch by Brown well into the land of First Down, big Benny finds him with a long toss. Steelers looking ... well. They look a lot better than the Niners in all aspects.
Now Roethlisberger ... HE GOES LOOOOONG, DEEEEEP AND ... BROWN CATCHES IT WELL OUT IN FRONT OF THE CHASING PACK OF PEOPLE AND HE GOES INTO TOUCH ONE YARD OUT.
And, says Les Carpenter: “Washington has a better defense than people think and it’s doing a nice job on the Rams today. Jay Cutler is sharp early in Chicago and the Chargers have had an awful start in Cincinnati They are not holding onto the ball well so far.”
So there you go.
Meanwhile, “Rex Ryan is trying his old tricks agains the Patriots, mixing a running offense with an aggressive defense. So far the Bills have been able to run the ball all over the Pats but Tom Brady refuses to play along, slicing the Bills secondary with short, effective passes. Buffalo is going to have to get to Brady and knock him about again otherwise it can be a long day for the Bills,” according to Les Carpenter, who knows.
Niners kick off. And some wisdom now from our man Stateside, Les Carpenter: “Matt, it appears you are getting a look at what’s made Big Ben one of the best quarterbacks in the NFL for many years now. He finds a way to make big plays out of nothing. Just wait until you get a load of Johnny Manzel -- Jonny Football as he’s known here in the states -- he’s had a tough time of it in the NFL, but just when the Cleveland Browns were about to lose patience with him he started today’s game by brilliantly reading Tennessee’s press defense on receiver Travis Benjamin and hit Benjamin with a beautiful 60-yard touchdown pass. Johnny Football’s already got 100 yard passing in just a quarter.”
Field Goal 49ers. Pittsburgh 8 San Francisco 3
Jimmy Tomasula, shades of Ron Jeremy about him, the Hedgehog, as the Niners, 3rd and a thousand away ... flags, yellow flags, rain in. Defense being bad. Some sort of infraction by James Harrison. He does not look contrite. Niners, now, third and goal on the 22. Sack! Sack! Flags. No foul though. And ... first down? What? Okay - the Niners will have a crack at the field goal from 47 yards ... great kick by Fabulous Phil Dawson, he silences the big crowd with a laser beam. And then he heads off for a big suck on an oxygen tank. No he doesn’t.
Mike Davis, running man, a rookie, he has a crack. Jitterbugs about. Flags rain in. Penalty against the offense who were holding. Must be a lot of that, you wonder how they pick it out. Regardless, the Niners are 1st and goal, yet 20 yards away ... then they lose three yards after Gay whacks the wide man. Now it’s 2nd and goal and they’re further away. And now Hyde is hammered, and the Steelers are winning yards in defence. They’re driving the Niners back. It’s 3rd and goal and they’re 27 yards out. Flag? Timeout? That one. A timeout.
Flags, i’ll have a crack why, false start ... yes, something like it. Encroachment. Like a legal term, something in real estate.
Kaepernick! Throws it out of the field of play. Niners are 2nd and 5, and they give it to Carlos Hyde again, they could switch it up some. Maybe they will. 3rd and 3. 15 yards out. Kaepernic ... Selek makes a catch, he’s a tight end. And that’s a first down.
Okay - Colin! Kaepernick, not Teddy, that was Bridgewater from last week. Important news. But we’re back for the second quarter. Kaepernick scoots up the middle, he’s not afraid to run. Next play, rolls right and flings the ball hard at ... someone, and it’s a first down, fine play.
Kaepernick, he runs, he gets to the 43 with a bending run around the left side. A tall and rangy man, long legs on him. It’s another first down.
Carlos Hyde again, they don’t mind going to their Go To Man, they don’t worry. Hyde ... injured! He’s done a leg, something ... which ... oh - they’re showing the replay, a giant man flew into his knee, and buckled it sideways that has to hurt. Medical stuaff looking at him...
And it’s Our Jarryd, making two positive scoots up the guts. Then he goes off and Carlos is back on. Wow. Tough knees. Bionic knees. And he takes another first down and ... there you go. First quarter is done.
Okay, Carlos Hyde, he’s rushed 5 times today, sixteen yards. Third and 3. Teddy goes with Carlos again and he bullocks his way up guts, that’s a first down. A first down with a vengeance.
Oh man - I’ve stuffed it up. The Steelers scored a touchdown. Then scored an extra two points instead of one when they threw to Antonio Brown. The touchdown was to another man, the tall man. It’s 8-nothing Steelers.
Steelers kick off. Hayne Plane? No - another man. And the teams swap off and on again.
Touchdown Steelers. Pittsburgh 8 San Francisco 0
BUT NOW IT IS ROETHLISBERGER FINDS ANTONIO BROWN WITH A BULLET and there you go, after sustained roll on down the field the Steelers have converted in the best possible way with a Touchdown to Antonio Brown, who’s set some sort of records for catching.
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Okay - Steelers are just bare ... they’re second and goal which means they’re so close to the ... touchdown! THEY’RE IN THE STEELERS, BENNY ROETHLISBERGER PINGED A HARD ONE AT THE HUGE MAN IN THE MIDDLE, Oh.
No touchdown.
(Yes it was.)
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The magic of the internet tells us No.88 is Heyward-Bey, Darrius, he needs no vowels either.
And here come the Steelers, on a roll. They are finding much space in the middle, their blocking fellows are carving great swathes of open field. TOUCHDOWN??
No. Benny R tossed it wide and Markus Wheaton caught it in the end zone but he was in the air and then he was on the ground outside the legislated End Zone area.
Next play. And here come the flags. Defence No.53, did something bad. Oh that’s old mate Navarro, an important man. He grabbed his counterpart around the waist briefly when he wasn’t allowed to.
Okay, Big Benny Roethlisberger, the man doesn’t have to buy a vowel, he dishes it to his man DeAngelo. Next one he’s out to No.88, who’s hammered out wide by his counterpart. Big hard D, physical stuff, you can hear it. BENNY R GOES LOOOOOONGG.... oh yes, hits his mark, the No.88 who takes a catch well downtown, top stuff.
Rightio, we’re back and what’s doing, Officials? We’re looking at the Incomplete Pass, the Steelers wanted to know if he dropped it. But it remains Incomplete. And the Niners punt. The ball hits the deck downtown, and we swap over teams.
Boom! Kaepernick pulls the trigger and finds No.82, a tall and rangy wide running man called Torrey Smith. Still nil-all at the packed Heinz Stadium on a crackerjack day. Surface looks tight and fast, and made of grass. SACK! COLIN K is sacked by No.91, Stephon Tuitt, a top handle. Next play - STEELERS BALL! No. The pass is called Incomplete, the Steelers thought they had it and were excited because defenders don’t touch the pill that often. But no, incomplete. Steelers coach Tomlin challenges, you can do that. And we’ll head off to a break while the officials do their thing.
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Okay - Niners ball, Kaepernick dishes to our man the Hayne Plane, I think. No, it was the great Carlos Hyde, Hero of Last Week. He scurries up guts. Next play, a loss of three yards as huge athletic people go at his ankles. That can’t be good for the ankles. Kaepernick, goes backwards ... palms off one flying defender man and tosses upfield for a one yard gain.
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Steelers punt now, Jordan Berry, another of the Aussies in this bash-fest. And the Niners claim a fair catch. And we’ll go to a break.
DeAngelo Williams takes a short ball from the QB man and bumps up field for not very far. Then Roethlisberger goes wide ... flags. Ha. Unnecessary roughness! You’d that would be a good thing, roughness. But you can have unnecessary levels and it’s a penalty against the Steelers for it. They are 3rd and 26. And ... Roethlisberger tosses it long into the dirt. He claps his hands afterwards, as if to ... say, don’t worry big man.
Word is the Steelers have a pretty tidy offense and the game should be a lot better than. We’re just back from a break. Niners coach Jim Tomsula was checking Brown’s catch. It’ come up clean.
Roethlisberger ... tries to find his man Browny, he pegged the football hard at him but the 84 couldn’t catch it in outstretched hands. Benny R pulls the trigger next play and boom, the Steelers are down town afeter Markus Wheaton takes a long one. Fine play.
Third and 5 on the 25. Roethlisburger doing a lot of pointing. More flags. Penalty against the offense. Might’ve jumped too early. But they’re docked five yards and now 3rd n 10. BIG BENNY R GOES LONG AND WIDE ... and great catch by the Steelers wide receiver man, great throw, great catch, terrific American football.
And there’s another flag or two, raining in like handkerchiefs, a funny convention. Refs explain.
Replay of Antonio Brown’s fine catch. He was belted just as he caught it. Tough stuff from the wide running catch man.
Okay, Niners No.39 whacks the Steelers running back, D’Angelo Someone. Quarterback Roe... oh man, that name. Roethlisburger, it’s going to be hard. Flags! They rain in. And the Steelers win some yard. Next play the QB tosses it into the dirt. Flags again. Penalties declined. There you go.
Moments until kick-off at Heinz Stadium in Pittsburgh, The People, and the locals already have the Terrible Towels out, it’s a Thing hereabouts, the wave towels in the air.
And there’s kick-off! We’re straight into it! And the 49ers boot it long down the ground and the Steelers will have the ball on their 20 yard line, it’s the rules.
Greetings, The People, and welcome to Heinz Field in the fine city of Pittsburgh for the high-octane bruise-fest of Pittsburgh Steelers and San Francisco 49ers. And the joint is ready to rumble. Well, it looks like it is. I’m on a couch in Sydney Town where it’s 02:47am, a sleepy-time you couldn’t assuage with an injection of the most potent caffeine from George Clooney’s magic coffee pellets.
But we’ll do our best.
Pittsburgh? Not the flashest name for a burgh, my opinion, but a terrific town should you ever require a great big hunk of steel. If you wanted to build something, a bridge, say, or a very big boat, you would head directly to Pittsburgh, Steel City, for its very fine steel. It’s a top metal, steel. Top metal.
Jarryd “Hayne Plane” Hayne is going to have his mettle tested today if the Steelers watched video of his first ever non-paintball punt catch last week - and you’d suggest that they have - in which our Hayne Plane muffed a short and wobbly one and was set upon by a gaggle of giant people who roughed him up, and quite roughly. Vikings ball. The worst kind of ball.
Still, the former Parramatta Eel man remains big news in the island continent of Australia. For American readers, viewers, e-people, Australia got a new Prime Minister the other day, fifth one in five years, you can just swap them, it’s quite a good thing, because the vast majority of Australia’s politicians, you wouldn’t feed them. Say one had a stroke and lapsed into coma, there’d be debate whether to revive him. Y’know, would reviving this great lump benefit Australia or not? And you know that saying, you want a friend in politics get a dog? That wouldn’t apply to Australia’s politicians because dogs don’t like them either. In fact dogs would savage them. They would turn into wolves and channel their ancestors, the wolves of the sub-Arctic tundra, and savage them. And then they would eat them. And howl. Like wolves.
Ha.
And so! Australia has a new Prime Minister because the inaptly-named “Liberal” Party brushed Tony Abbott, a man who after two years in charge - and this is true, I’m not making it up - knighted Prince Philip of England (yes, old mate the King, or whatever he is) and replied to questions about his government’s economic credentials by saying, “We stopped the boats”, a reference to the government’s policy of “protecting” Australia’s borders from refugees in boats. Ask him about unemployment, he’d say, “Stopped the boats”. Ask him what day it is, he’d say “Stopped the boats”. The man is thicker than the Beijing phone book.
So the Liberal Party brushed him, and we have a new Prime Minister. And the point of all this is that while all that political leadership “spill” malarkey was going on, Australians were more interested in watching Jarryd Hayne muff a punt in Santa Clara.
So there you go.
We’re minutes from kick-off, The People. I’m Matt Cleary, calling my second ever game of American football (so do please temper expectations in terms of knowledge of the game’s “rules” and such forth) while Les Carpenter is our man on the ground Stateside. Les will be throwing in pictures and adding up the score, and doing his thing.
So: settle in. Grab a donut. Inject some of Clooney’s special pellets. And we’ll be back for the fast twitching finger action in due course.
