Louise Taylor’s match report:
That aside, enjoy the rest of your weekends. Bye.
Anyway, there we go; every team in the Premier league has now played, save Manchester United and West Ham United. Follow their match here, with Rob Smyth.
But what about Jonjo Shelvey?
Jonjo Shelvey, though.
Full-time: Newcastle United 0-2 Tottenham Hotspur
Easy for Spurs in the end, but they did not play well until Shelvey got himself sent-off. Newcastle looked solid and well-organised, though will need to find more attacking cohesion against sides who allow them more of the ball.
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90+3 min Please take a read of the below.
90+2 min Son drives at the heart of the Newcastle defence and slips in Kane. With just Elliott to beat, he beats Elliott, shooting low and hard across him, only to cannon the foot of the post.
90+1 min Alan Smith gives Walker-Peters man of the match, which is fair enough given the lack of obvious contenders. Eriksen has been Spurs’ most consistent threat, but this game was won by one man’s sense of mischief: Dele Alli.
90+1 min There’ll be three added minutes.
90 min Harry Winks comes on for his bonus Dembele.
88 min Newcastle have done pretty well not to crumble here. Spurs haven’t exactly had at them, but still, they’ve been disciplined in keeping shape with the ball moving around them.
86 min Davies leaves one on someone - Perez I think - and is booked. Newcastle have a free-kick on the right, not far from the corner of the box, and Clark curls it in nicely. Various attackers and defenders then contest the first ball, sending the second onto the laces of Clark, loitering on the edge. He lines up a volley, but gets right under the ball, slicing it towards Lloris who leaps to catch above his heed.
84 min Newcastle have done well these last few minutes and Clark cuts the ball into the box from right, at which point Hayden arrives to moves it from near side to far post. Walker-Peters, though, does enough to distract Atsu who, from a narrow angle, fires into the side-netting.
83 min Alli goes off, slowing down under the guise of applauding the away support but really to antagonise the home support, who are jeering. He does well not to crease.
81 min This’ll end up a dispiriting afternoon for Newcastle, but the signs for them are good: they’ve looked solid at the back and enterprising going forward, though another striker would make a big difference. I think they’ll stay up.
80 min Atsu hasn’t given up, running up Alderweireld and making to go outside before nipping inside and leaving him hanging. His shot, though, isn’t well hit and Lloris fields easily, but that was still nice.
78 min Walker-Peters, who’s had a decent game, agains finds himself in an advanced position, knocking back to Eriksen. He’s sold him short, but yerman still manages to nudge square for Dembele, who does likewise for Dier; his shot, swept from right to left, is deflected just past the far post. Naturally, the corner comes to nothing.
77 min Merino, making his debut, replaces Gayle.
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75 min With that Shelvey red it’s the thickness more than anything else. There was literally nothing to be gained with that tread - it wasn’t even going to hurt - and instead he walked right into the trap. A proper look over there, slap! moment.
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72 min Spurs will probably score another soon. Amazingly, they’re much too good for Newcastle with an extra man.
GOAL! Newcastle United 0-2 Tottenham Hotspur (Davies, 70)
And there it is. Kane into Alli outside the box, and he turns a lovely return pass around the corner which Eriksen bursts into inside the box. He might swivel and shoot, but sees Davies arriving from the other side, allowing him to stroke a low finish past Elliott.
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69 min “You’ve got to hand it to Jonjo Shelvey, he’s as consistent as they come, as reliable as a Swiss timepiece,” emails JR. “Benitez is going to need to get some power drinking tips from Ashley if he’s counting on Shelvey.
Side note: I could watch a whole game with the camera only focused on Dele. As Ray Hudson would say, he is magisterial.”
He’s one of not very many players who seems to play for sport, and to make sport.
67 min It’s pretty quiet now. Spurs will just keep possession and tire Newcastle, then take a second goal when the opportunity presents itself, which it surely will.
65 min What’s a suitable punishment for Shelvey at training tomorrow? Sweatsuit, Deep Heat and beep test?
63 min Nice from Kane, pulling left then moving in off the line with the ball, driving a reverse-pass into the box for Eriksen. From an acute angle, he can’t decide whether to shoot or cross, squirting the ball into the middle instead.
GOAL! Newcastle United 0-1 Tottenham Hotspur (Alli, 61)
Dele Alli is hilarious. Outside the box, Kane and Eriksen exchange passes before the latter clips a ball over the top from right to left; naturally, Alli has timed his run beautifully, stretching to divert it back across Elliott and this game is over.
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60 min I reckon if Spurs still haven’t scored with six seconds to go, Pochettino will send on Janssen.
59 min Son finds Alli outside the box, and he spreads wide to Walker-Peters. The eventuating cross is a decent one, but no one gambles at the near post and Newcastle clear.
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58 min Pochettino realises he needs to go for this now, so removed Sissoko to replace him with Son. His wrist is in plaster, but he looks fine.
56 min That Kane chance looked a lot easier than it was, incidentally. He was close to goal, it’s true, but striking the ball properly meant that it’d always go in line with his swing, so the keeper could spread himself and have a good chance of blocking. The kind of thing that Ludo Miklosko did to Andy Cole on the last day of 1995-96, basically.
54 min Jonjo Shelvey, eh.
52 min Ritchie is booked for that foul on Alli.
51 min Alli is buzzing, enticing Ritchie into a foul before Spurs break. Eriksen drifts across the face of the box and looks to spread the play, but the pass takes a deflection off Hayden AND KANE IS IN! Waiting for the the ball to drop over his shoulder allows Mbemba to extend a leg but it barely matters, and backpeddling to take account of the bounce, he spins and clatters a shot from close range! But it’s straight at Elliott!
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50 min The game needed something, but it’s Newcastle who strike first, Atsu and Gayle wriggling space inside the box and Lloris beating away the latter’s resultant shot.
48 min Jonjo Shelvey is sent-off!
This is classic Dele Alli! Alli, down after a challenge, pokes the ball away as Shelvey tries to retrieve it so Shelvey treads on his ankle. Alli then flings himself backwards - grassing, where Shelvey comes from - and the ref shows the red. He blundered right into that, I’m afraid; what a clown.
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47 min “Yawn,” says David Flynn. “Between this game and Jose’s United still to come, I reckon advertising standards might have something to say about Sky claiming this is a Super Sunday.”
Er, that’s not a description of the football, rather what the day of the week is now called. In sequence:
Super Sunday
Monday Night Football
Tuesday
Wednesday
Thursday
Friday
Soccer Saturday.
46 min We’re back underway.
“Did the Sky commentator just say that Spurs (with Eriksen/Alli/Kane) haven’t scored a free kick since October 2015?!” asks Matt Loten. “Absurd.”
The thing about free-kicks is they hardly ever go in. I’ve always wondered if there’ll come a time where all teams just stickitinthefackinmixah.
I see the merits of Charlotte, but anyone not in thrall to Dr Gaz is dead to me.
Or if highbrow is more your style, here’s the prophet of reality telly.
Half-time entertainment: archive of Newcastle.
Half-time: Newcastle United 0-0 Tottenham Hotspur
Not the greatest half. But Newcastle have done very well to shut Spurs down without shutting their own attack down in the process; Spurs have lacked authority and conviction in their passing and movement, and have a bollocking in the post.
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45+2 min Spurs win a free-kick 40 or so yards from goal, which Eriksen lifts onto the forehead of a defender. Newcastle then break, and Perez hares down the right, then chips a cross into the middle looking for Shelvey. But Lloris is up early to claim.
45+1 min There shall be three added minutes. Given two injuries, it could’ve been far, far worse. We’re nearly there.
45 min Kane touches down to Eriksen, Spurs’ liveliest player this half. He bursts onto the ball and contemplates feeding a runner before shooting tamely straight at Elliott.
43 min Spurs need to get the ball moving more quickly, and more men into the box. Newcastle need to keep doing what they’re doing.
41 min Eriksen moves inside again and using Clark as a screen tries a curler looking for the far corner. But he doesn’t get hold of it correctly and the ball loops into Elliott’s arms.
41 min Nothing is happening, less or more. The advertising hoardings are changing, but that’s about it.
39 min Let’s be real, sunny Sunday afternoons like this are not for football, so we’re not really seeing any. Serves us right.
37 min If it’s still 0-0 at half-time I don’t think it’ll be long before we see at least one of Son and Winks. Spurs lack spark and speed, and both those two can supply it.
34 min Oh dear. Lejeune can’t continue, and Newcastle make their second defensive change, bringing on Mbemba.
33 min Ok, I take it back; Kane’s actual tackle wasn’t so bad, but stretching his lead leg around Lejeune’s lead leg, trailing leg wrapped-up trailing leg. Lejeune goes off for treatment.
32 min Lejeune, though, is down and struggling.
31 min Kane goes around Lejeune on the outside, overruns the ball, and scythes in to win it back. He fails, and is booked for his trouble. Seems a bit excitable to me, on Dre Marriner’s behalf.
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30 min Again Atsu causes trouble, dashing to the line and cutting back; Walker-Peters blocks behind for a corner of which nothing comes.
29 min Atsu takes possession on halfway, allowing the ball through his legs and stretching away. With Walker-Peters stranded Dembele gives chase, but he can’t quite keep up and when the low cross arrives Gayle ought to be there to tap home ... except he’s on his heels and too late.
28 min “Classic Rafa,” tweets Hubert O’Hearn. “Every player knows his space and duty, and where his team-mates will be. Never flashy, but maximum efficiency.”
Yep, that’s true - though this is also a good time to be playing Spurs.
27 min Davies finds a bit of space down the left and nips a pass back to Eriksen. From the edge of the box, he shoots early and low, ball passing between Lascelles’ legs and just wide of the far post.
25 min Walker-Peters snaps down the right and snaps over a cross at roundabout shin-height. Sissoko fastens onto it, looking to turn it in at the near post, but Clark is on-hand to block him off.
23 min Lascelles crunches Alli then accidentally runs into him accidentally. This is exactly what Alli is after, taking the opportunity to engage in the mouth that gets him going and chortling in the process. Lascelles affects levity too, but without comparable elan.
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22 min Spurs win a free-kick on the right touchline, level with the edge of the box, and Eriksen whips in a tremendous cross that Kane is very close to nodding home. But not close enough.
20 min Newcastle sit deep and Spurs probe, but without the movement and touch to which we’ve become used. The wide pitch at St James’ Park isn’t to their advantage, I don’t think; not just the lack of a winger, but the excellent Kane’s lack of pace too.
18 min We can now assert this as A Good Start for Newcastle. No chance conceded, some promising movement up front, and general calmness and all that.
16 min Newcastle win a free-kick 35 yards from goal, chipped over the top by Shelvey, again into the space between Walker-Peters and Alderweireld. And again, Gayle is there first, but this time he’s gone too early, so as he hits the ground following apparent contact, Andre Marriner is saved from having to make a penalty decision by the linesman’s flag.
14 min “This game is a 7:30am start here,” emails JR in Illinois, where they particularly hate Nazis. “The jackass next door decided that it was time to mow the lawn at 7am on the dot. This didn’t matter much to me as I was going to get up for the game anyway. Mrs. J.R. in Illinois not quite so sanguine about this beginning to the day.”
Are you sure it was the neighbour’s fault?
13 min Eriksen ventures infield and clips a lovely ball over the top for Alli, pulling right. He cushions a volley across the face, winning a corner; it comes to nowt.
11 min Spurs are into this now, picking passes around the pitch. They’ve not created anything mind - Alli and Kane have barely had a touch - but already it looks ominous for the home side.
9 min Dembele, who would be one of the best midfielders in the world if he scored and made a few more - in other words, if he maximised his talent - glides around Hayden and lamps a drive from distance. It’s blocked.
9 min Clark has gone to left-back with Lascelles now alongside Lejeune in the middle of the Newcastle defence.
8 min It doesn’t. Lascelles, the club captain who can’t get into the side, replaces him in time to defend a corner. Oddly, Eriksen doesn’t immediately pump it into the middle but goes short to Davies, of which nothing comes.
6 min Dummett over-stretches a hamstring and goes down; hard to see how that’s getting better in the next minute or so.
5 min All Newcastle so far, and Dummett takes a throw inside the Spurs half, gets it back, and lifts a ball over the top between Walker-Peters and Alderweireld. Gayle makes a good run too, but it’s a tricky finish coming over his shoulder, and he slashes over the top.
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3 min Spurs then. How would you strengthen their first XI? Last season I suggested that a winger instead of Christian Eriksen might help, which wasn’t to decry his pressing, delivery or late goals. Just that the most obvious thing the side was missing was attacking width, something I thought especially glaring at Wembley in the Champions League.
1 min Newcastle put Walker-Peters under, a long ball sending Perez haring at him. He copes well and wins the free-kick.
1 min Newcastle kick-off with Gayle knocking it back. That law change makes sense I suppose, but there’s something great about the old way of doing it, using three strikers.
Newcastle huddle. All the difference.
Today is also Dan Lucas Day. Help save the world and remember our buddy and yours by donating here.
Out come our teams!
Apropos of saving the world: this is Ava Vidal.
She’s raising money to combat ingrained sexism and sexual violence. Read why here and donate all you can here.
I think it was me who said dept: read my preview of the Premier League season here.
He’s also asked whether Newcastle have to get after Spurs or sit back. Both, he says.
Sky ask Rafael Benitez if he’s excited. He confides that he is.
I love club Twitter accounts.
Ready for action. 💪 #COYS pic.twitter.com/odsYeCp7Vl
— Tottenham Hotspur (@SpursOfficial) August 13, 2017
He reckons he was too hasty in binning Sam Allardyce and was unfair to Chris Hughton. Alan Shearer “did a fantastic in job in everything else but the odd result not going his way.” Laugh!
“I was probably too keen to get going and make a difference,” says Ashley, who is, no doubt, also a bit of a perfectionist who thinks things can be done too quickly, is too humble, too self-deprecating, and likes to do everything himself.
“Here’s hoping Sky’s new half time entertainment is Pards throwing some shapes in the centre circle,” tweets Matt Loten.
I know Wayne Rooney isn’t everyone’s vat of slurp, but he deserves our love and affection for ensuring that jig became part of football folklore for all the right reasons.
“The normally camera-shy Newcastle owner Mike Ashley” - Adam Darke really just spoke those words.
On which point, for a lesson in how to celebrate a goal against a former club, visit a popular video hosting site, put in “Man United Chelsea 1997”, and see Mark Hughes show how it’s meant to be done.
They’re now showing VT of Javier Hernandez and asking if he’ll celebrate a goal. I can report that we might be #classytouch deficient. I’m sorry.
Alan Pardew is the new - or should I say “noo” - eye candy on sky’s football coverage. They do spoil us.
Tangentially, let’s have a closer look at our teams. Newcastle give debuts to Lejeune and Manquillo, while Atsu is now officially theirs. They’ll look to Ayoze Perez to disquiet the league’s best pair of centre-backs.
Spurs, meanwhile, have lozzed their three at the back - for now, at least, though it’s hard to see it working at Wembley as well as it did at White Hart Lane. At full-back, they had no choice but to field Walker-Peters and Davies, an area for Newcastle to target, while in midfield, Pochettino goes for Dier not Wanyama or Dier and Wanyama; he’ll be pleased to know I consider that a sensible decision. On the other hand, well, er, Moussa Sissoko.
Did you know: Metallica’s black album is 26 years old today. What a piece of work that was and is, making headbangers out of indy kids.
Sandmen and Unforgiven
Newcastle United (a usual 4-2-3-1): Elliot; Manquillo, Clark, Lejeune, Dummett; Hayden, Shelvey; Atsu, Perez, Ritchie, Gayle. Subs: Darlow, Lascelles, Murphy, Aarons, Mbemba, Merino, Mitrovic.
Tottenham Hotspur (a whatchagonnado 4-2-3-1): Lloris, Walker-Peters, Alderweireld, Vertonghen, Davies; Dier, Dembele; Eriksen, Sissoko, Alli; Kane. Subs: Vorm, Carter-Vickers, Wimmer, Wanyama, Winks, Son, Janssen.
Preamble
Newcastle United and Tottenham Hotspur are two of English football’s most evocative names. Each club has a rich history of maverick players, attacking style and spendthrift spending, their lots of FA Cups and not lots of league titles casting them as heroes and tragic heroes of their own self-parody and self-mythology. In many ways, they encapsulate The GameTM.
And they arrive at today’s fixture in similar nick, promising previous seasons naused up by failure to arrange necessary and expected reinforcements. Both managers will hope to have this addressed before the transfer window gently eases closed, but in the meantime, Newcastle must stay up but ought really to manage better, while Spurs need to win something, anything.
If Joey Barton were a betting man, he’d likely favour the former over the latter. Rafael Benitez has a pedigree and an expertise which far outweighs that of his rivals, and can be trusted to take care of matters defensive, while up front his team should have enough goals to survive. Spurs, on the other hand, are an excellent team, but Cup success can never be relied upon and it is hard to see them winning the league without the advantage of White Hart Lane, the tightness of its ex-pitch perfect for their game and the vibrancy of its ex-atmosphere inspirational for those tasked with playing it.
As for today, who knows? A narrow away win looks most likely, but Spurs have started the last two seasons poorly, endured a tricky week, and you get some funny results on the opening day of the season – especially from games involving promoted clubs. We’ll find out presently.
Kick-off: 1.30pm BST
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