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The Guardian - UK
The Guardian - UK
Sport
James Wallace (later) and Tanya Aldred (earlier)

New Zealand beat England by one run: second Test, day five – as it happened

England New Zealand Test (Event) Kane Williamson Ross Taylor
New Zealand's Neil Wagner appeals as Jimmy Anderson is caught behind to end the second Test at Basin Reserve.
New Zealand's Neil Wagner appeals as Jimmy Anderson is caught behind to end the second Test at Basin Reserve. Photograph: Marty Melville/AFP/Getty Images

Test cricket - Bloody’ell!

Righto, I think we are done here. I’m spent. Spare a thought for Ali Martin who is likely grappling with the mother of all match reports as we speak. How do you even begin to sum that up? It’ll be along soon and very much worth the wait.

Safe to say that was easily my most intense OBO session to date. It was a real pleasure as always and all the better for all the correspondence spooling into my inbox from around the globe - all of us hooked and united by this brilliant mad thing at the same time. Very special.

Don’t get emotional, that ain’t like you…

Thanks to England and New Zealand for that barnstormin’ game, thanks to my fellow Guardian OBO scribes and most of all thanks to you for tuning in and making it what it is. Goodnight, good morning and Vive Test Cricket!

Updated

Look at that – I’m sure he was watching… and his call of that at the end would have been unmissable.

Marnus was watching, course he was:

Updated

Here’s Ben Stokes:

Strawberry blonde quiff dancing in the breeze, he somehow finds the words to sum it all up:

That game is what Test cricket is about! The emotions we were going through and the Kiwi boys as well… everyone’s got their money’s worth today. [It was actually free entry at the Basin today but I’m splitting hairs…]

We knew that at some point Tim would have to roll the dice, Joe and I knew that was the opportunity to pounce, and sometimes things don’t happen how you want them to… we’re disappointing to end on a loss but four out of five away from home is something we will take great pride in”

Alison Mitchell on the BT coverage asks him about his knee and he is admirably honest. Stokes says it is massively frustrating to not be able to give it his all and fulfil the role of a fourth seamer in the side but he is hopeful that there is enough time to get it sorted over the next few months. He really did look crook for large parts of this game and England need his bowling for when the Aussies role into town.

Tim Southee speaks:

He looks utterly drained and a bit shellshocked.

Only a handful of sides have come back from the follow-on to win. Once it digests, the guys will soak it up. The character they’ve shown in the last few days, the guys were calm, if we’d walked off and shaken hands and it wasn’t good enough, it wasn’t good enough. England were class here but Daryl, Kane, Tom Blundell... it was a typical Kiwi scrapping effort”

He gives Neil Wagner a shout out for his gargantuan effort with the ball after lunch and then finishes with the following.

“It’s great for Test cricket, the way England are playing”

He’s not wrong but New Zealand matched them blow for blow in this match and Southee had his calm hand on the tiller throughout.

Updated

My current predicament:

Here’s that winning moment:

Harry Brook is Player of the Series:

The young tyke has had a princely start to his Test career but was run out without facing a ball today, completely BBQd by Joe Root. Up or down, he’s cool as a kumquat this one.

Looking at the pitch on the first day, we didn’t think it’d [the game] would last that long. In the end, it was a very good cricket wicket. It was an enjoyable game to watch!”

On getting his first Test scalp as a bowler:

I wouldn’t say I am a bowler, I’m just glad that I contributed in that stage of the game and managed to get the breakthrough. That opened it up for us but the result didn’t go our way. Credit to New Zealand, they were fantastic”

Kane Williamson is Player of The Match

He’s class personified:

It doesn’t quite feel right to be standing here, after a game of cricket like that and the contributions we’ve seen from both teams throughout. It was a fantastic game of cricket to be a part of

For us as a team, we’ve been fighting away in the Test format for a while so it’s nice to get across the line on this one. This England team is playing incredible cricket at the moment and we were up against it coming into this game. So to fight away, compete and ultimately just get across the line is, is a really nice feeling.”

“Hi James, Farheen from India here. What a match this one! What a comeback from the Newzealanders! Only the fourth ever victory in Tests after a team was asked to follow-on.

Unsurprisingly, this was the closest of them all. Leach will not want to remember his 1* from this one. Jimmy Anderson gets a taste of Kasprowicz’s agony from Edgbaston 2005. Headlines abound! Brilliant!”

Theo Boardman is a happy customer:

“Well, if that’s how we’re going to lose them in the Bazball era, then that’s fine with me. What an unreal game. I was convinced the first tied Test in my lifetime was coming there.”

That thought had crossed my mind ‘mongst the madness too, Theo.

Tim is never wrong:

Excuse me whilst I nip off for a err convenience break and I need to drink some water.

Updated

“What I love about that is that every player on that field knows that they provided top class entertainment. Even England seem happy that they contributed to an amazing spectacle. Stokes is laughing in a FML kind of way. Brilliant.” Gaz ‘Bigdog’ isn’t wrong. Brendon McCullum can also be spotted with a big smile on his face. Don’t be fooled though, that will hurt for England. The camera lingered on an utterly dejected James Anderson at the end and panned away when he started screaming in admonishment at himself (I think!) for what he had done.

Updated

Wow. That is one of the greatest Test matches you could ever wish to see. One for the history books.

Updated

NEW ZEALAND WIN BY ONE RUN!

Anderson gets a tickle on a short ball and is caught by Blundell behind the stumps. New Zealand have done it! Wagner has done it. What a victory, what a game. By the barest of margins!

74th over: England 256-9 (Leach 1, Anderson 4) Tim Southee to bowl. He goes short and Leach evades. Next ball is fuller and Leach leaves it but the ball darts back dangerously close to off stump! Eeeesh. Leach drives the fourth ball down the ground but it is just stopped by mid-on. No run. And it is a maiden. James Anderson to face Neil Wagner. Two runs or a wicket, that’s the equation.

Updated

73rd over: England 256-9 (Leach 1, Anderson 4) This is nuts. Jack Leach steps away and tries to upper-cut Wagner but only gets fresh air. Breathe. Leach tries again and get’s a top edge that lands… SAFE. One run scampered. Anderson to face Wagner. YIKES. Anderson gets one that spits up at his grill and he gloves it just safe. He did well there did Jimmy, a brute of a ball. WOW. Jimmy carves for four! What a shot! The ball traces away to the fence. Anderson just gives a little nod of the head. Two to win for England or a wicket for New Zealand.

72nd over: England 251-9 (Leach 0, Anderson) Anderson blocks out the final two balls from Southee. It is tense. So tense. Leach will be on strike for the next over from Neil Wagner.

Folk are emailing me from all over the world, which is lovely, amazing even… BUT I can’t be flicking through the emails right now, my tiny brain can’t compute it all. I’ll get to them I promise.

WICKET! Ben Foakes c Wagner b Southee 35 (England 251-9)

A top edge is held by Wagner on the fine-leg fence! Foakes can’t believe what he’s done. Out comes James Anderson. What a sport.

BEN FOAKES IS OUT PEOPLE

Gulp. 7 runs or 1 wicket. Simple as that.

71st over: England 249-8 (Foakes 33, Leach 0) Wagner steams in, what a spell this has been from him, huge heart and no little stamina to keep smashing the ball into this Wellington pitch. Foakes gets a single with a swivel-pull and leaves Leach with two balls to survive. Does he? He does. 9 runs to win for England.

70th over: England 248-8 (Foakes 32, Leach 0) Tim Southee brings himself into the attack. Ben Foakes gets him away for a couple with a punch through point. Two deliveries left, can Foakes get the single he needs to keep strike? He can! A push into the gap at cover. One ball left at Leach… he survives. On we go. 10 to win for England.

Sam Willis sends an epic picture of some misty and mystical Chinese scenery into my inbox with the following note. “I’m up a mountain in China filming a documentary for NatGeo. I’m trying to explain to my cameraman who Jack Leach is and where he fits in the pantheon of England history”

This OBO is mind boggingly global. I see you David Keech in Florida, Adam Roberts in the Cayman Islands and Kim Thonger in Somerset.

69th over: England 244-8 (Foakes 29, Leach 0) Ben Foakes you beauty*! A short ball from Wagner is baseball batted straight back down the ground for a blistering four! What a shot that is. Unbelievable. FOUR MORE! The next ball is pulled by Foakes from deep in his crease and it bisects the fielders on the leg-side boundary perfectly. Epic stuff this from Foakes. Wagner responds with a bouncer that is deemed too high and thus a wide, another precious run to England. Foakes gets onto his tip toes to flick off his hip for another single to leave Leach with two to face… Wagner sprays them both down the leg side. A sign he is tiring perhaps? England need 14 runs to win. NZ need 2 wickets.

*No bias here. He is v handsome. It’s a fact.

68th over: England 234-8 (Foakes 20, Leach 0) A couple off the over, a no-ball for too many fielders behind on the leg side (wake up dozy!) and a single to Foakes. Leach blocks out the final two. Here comes Wagner!

Hello to Chris Taylor:

“I really really want to go to bed, but this is ‘Proper Test Cricket’ TM. Gruelling and enthralling. It’s doing my nut and already ruining tomorrow whatever the result. Fantastic.”

Updated

67th over: England 232-8 (Foakes 19, Leach 0) Foakes takes on Wagner and just - just – manages to clear the fielder at deep mid-wicket! Four runs to England. It was -who else – Michael Bracewell who had sauntered in off the rope and the ball ended up going JUST over his head and outstretched hand. Foakes clobbers to leg to pick up another couple. England holding on and chipping away. 27 more needed for the win.

66th over: England 225-8 (Foakes 12, Leach 0) Foakes cuts Bracewell for two and then nudges a single. Leach is watchful off the back foot, dead-batting the ball into the ground. Too short from Bracewell who has had such a mixed-bag of a Test match.

65th over: England 222-8 (Foakes 9, Leach 0) Foakes throws the kitchen sink, fridge, kettle and toaster at a Wagner short ball… he top edges… for four! Welcome runs for England, the target into the thirties now. A single brings Leach on strike with two to face. A back foot block and a slightly ruffled duck from Leach. Michael Bracewell is coming on to bowl some spin. He snared Foakes in the first innings, remember that? It feels about eight years ago.

Updated

64th over: England 217-8 (Foakes 4, Leach 0) Foakes takes a single off the fourth ball to leave Leach with two balls to survive. Survive he does. Never in doubt. On we go. England need 41 and New Zealand need 2 wickets.

“Hi James,”

Hello Kevin Tong!

“It may be 2am in the UK but it is 10am in Singapore and I AM RIGHT HERE WITH YOU with my eyes glued to the OBO and constantly refreshing for updates! Keep it up!!

P.s. I’m supposed to be working”

So am I Kevin, so am I. You must’ve downed tools now?

Updated

63rd over: England 216-8 (Foakes 3, Leach 0) Foakes turns down a couple of easy singles to keep the strike. I think he has to trust Leach here, it’ll be some job to farm strike for the next 42 runs. He takes a single off the third ball to bring Leach on strike to Wagner. Nearly! Wagner clobbers Leach on the elbow and the ball flies in the air past the close in fielders. Two dots finish the over. I can confirm Jack Leach has not wiped his spectacles once, yet.

62nd over: England 215-8 (Foakes 2, Leach 0) Deja vu hits hard as Henry steams in at Jack Leach who is rock solid in defence. The tension is palpable, I can feel it wafting out of the TV like that scene from Poltergeist. A wicket maiden for Matt Henry.

Ian Jefferson is tuning in from San Francisco:

“I’m trying to explain to my wife what on earth is going on! She doesn’t have a clue...”

She’s not the only one Ian.

Updated

WICKET! Stuart Broad c Wagner b Henry 11 (England 215-8)

GONE! Broad tries an uppercut and gets a decent connection but it is straight down the gullett of, who else, Wagner on the fence at third. What a finish this is. England need 43, NZ need two wickets. Jack Leach strides to the crease, he knows how to deal with this sort of thing, don’t you Jack? Jack?

61st over: England 215-7 (Foakes 2, Broad 11 ) Wagner hits the middle of the pitch and Broad takes him on, its thrilling stuff. Broad resembles a blindfolded man trying to swat a piñata out of the branches of a tree. He cloths a few but manages to pick up a couple through mid-wicket. Foakes nudges more conventionally, five runs in total off the over.

We do want this to happen really… don’t we?

Updated

60th over: England 210-7 (Foakes 2, Broad 7 )My oh my. Broad ramps (you read that right) Matt Henry over the keeper for four! This is Test cricket on speed. A single brings Foakes on strikes and it’s a tad calmer. Henry zones in on Foakes’ pads and he’s forward and blocking. Wagner coming back on,Broad on strike… DO NOT ADJUST YOUR SET.

Eng need 48 to win. NZ need three wickets.

59th over: England 205-7 (Foakes 2, Broad 1 ) Neil Wagner is pumped, veins throbbing and legs pounding like pistons. What a return this is. He whangs some more short stuff down at Foakes who paddles for a single to bring Broad on strike. Ayeeechi, Broad has a flap at a short one and it lands safe, they scamper one. It’s 2am in the morning here in south London. Everyone in the vicinity is asleep but I am bang into this… whilst remaining quiet as the proverbial ecclesiastical mouse.

WICKET! Joe Root c Bracewell b Wagner 95 (England 202-7)

Erm, thanks Tanya! Root hangs his head and trudges off. Wagner bangs one in short, as predicted, and Root leans back on the shot, splicing tamely straight up in the air where Bracewell takes the catch. Game on! The Revenge of Wagner! England still need 55 and New Zealand need three wickets. Stuart Broad is the new ‘batter’.

Updated

58th over: England 202-6 (Root 95, Foakes 0) England need 258 to win Joe Root contemplates a reverse-ramp, but has a last second change of plan. Grins all round. Foakes plays Henry carefully, prodding him back into the pitch, folding everything into place. Right, that’s it from me – Jim Wallace will be your fabulous guide to Root’s century and all the rest. Thanks for all the messages, pedants and all – good night!

57th over: England 201-6 (Root 94, Foakes 0) England need 258 to win Wagner, short sleeves, bustle of a man who likes to get things done. And he gets it done – removing the limping captain and sending down two more fiercely directed bouncers. Foakes swings at the last and Southee goes for the review for a caught behind– but there is nothing on it.

WICKET! Stokes c Latham b Wagner 33 (England 201-6)

The breakthrough! Wagner sends down one of his bumper specials, Stokes has a mad one-handed flail, rocking rapidly onto the back foot, and Latham takes the offering at square leg

56th over: England 200-5 (Root 93, Stokes 33) England need 258 to win Williamson wipes some sweat from his forehead, applies it to the ball then gives it a good polish on his trouser leg. Henry receives the anointed ball, delivers it to Joe Root, who pushes back for no run. Two hundred up for England – 58 to win.

55th over: England 199-5 (Root 92, Stokes 33) England need 258 to win Actually I take it back, he leaks only a couple as a snore rattles the floorboards, from upstairs.

A theory on that run out by David Howell: “England have been playing video game cricket for a while now. It was inevitable that, at some point, they’d press the wrong button and set off for an accidental run.”

54th over: England 197-5 (Root 91, Stokes 32) England need 258 to win England happy to play a maiden off Henry, because they know Bracewell is coming the other end.

53rd over: England 197-5 (Root 91, Stokes 32) England need 258 to win Bracewell serving up a mixture of pies and precision, which isn’t quite what Southee wants right now.

52nd over: England 196-5 (Root 90, Stokes 32) England need 258 to win The last time England beat New Zealand at home was in 2008. It looks like that record is about to go, unless New Zealand can take a wicket fast. Henry probes away, Stokes totally foxed by the last ball after wandering down the pitch and resorts to shoving it away.

“Hello from the Basin Reserve. Just thinking that if Root hadn’t run out his fellow Yorkshire player, and Brook had then scored at his usual run-a-ball, instead of Stokes’ uncharacteristically slow 28 off 100, England would be home and dry by now.”

You lucky thing David Lloyd. Is it as gorgeous as it looks? You might be right, but Root is playing his dues.

51st over: England 195-5 (Root 89, Stokes 32) England need 258 to win New Zealand need to get rid of one of these two poste haste. Stokes looks the most likely – though as I type that he rocks back and pulls a Bracewell pie for four, before grimacing in pain and reaching down to massage the kneecap.

50th over: England 190-5 (Root 88, Stokes 28) England need 258 to win Stokes swings at Henry again, and this time the ball squeezes through the inside edge. An immaculate defensive shot follows. The target now only 68 more.

49th over: England 189-5 (Root 87, Stokes 28) England need 258 to win.Gallop and flick – Root lofts Bracewell up, up and into the stands. The DJ choses Dont You Want ME by the Human League in between overs.

48th over: England 182-5 (Root 80, Stokes 28) England need 258 to win.Stokes plonks down the wicket, throws the bat and gets a huge outside edge flying high, brushing the fingers of Mitchell, leaping at full stretch at slip. Henry rubs his eyebrows in restrained dismay, he’d already seen Root shoot him away between slip and gully for four more.

47th over: England 173-5 (Root 75, Stokes 24) Another maiden – this time Bracewell to Stokes, who looks temporarily befuddled as well as limping.

46th over: England 173-5 (Root 75, Stokes 24) Matt Henry returns, after pulling up in the morning session with a back spasm. He seems to be running in pretty smoothly – and in fact sends down a maiden.

Ah, it seems Joe Root has just gone past Steve Waugh’s total of Test match runs – and nudges up to number 11 in the pantheon, just below Allan Border. The highest average in the top ten is Kumar Snagakkara – who spoke at the Oxford Union last week.

Afternoon session

45th over: England 173-5 (Root 75, Stokes 24) Root starts the session by calling Stokes through for a rapid single. Bracewell testing Stokes, who in turn tests his legs by wobbling from foot to foot. He then sweeps masterfully for four – but can’t actually get back up from the prone position.

“Hi again Tanya,” Martin Wright.

“Seems I was wrong (31st over) about that non-striker’s call business. No less an authority than Lord Gower has just slapped me (and many others, apparently) down, insisting that it’s the striker’s call when the ball goes behind square on the offside. Only when it’s down leg does the non-striker call the shots. Ah well, learn something new every day. I look forward to applying it in the middle this summer (and thereby running out vast quantities of my team-mates, as per....).”

I also stand corrected.

Right, they’re out for the post-lunch session.

That Brook run out in all its glory:

Over to you Gary!

Hello Anthony Baxter:

”All this talk of nightbirds and my thoughts turn to my mate Paul, stuck in his nest in Venice nursing a broken wing (his own bloody fault, for hurtling down a hill in the Dolomites on a vintage bike with dodgy breaks). An OBO shout out might help keep his beak up. Come to think of it, I should have sent this on 111…”

Get well soon Paul – hope you can still enjoy Venice in your convalescence.

I’m a soft touch this time of night… (but this does look good).

Right, with it all in the balance, but Joe Root on the way to atoning for his Yorkshire on Yorkshire sins, I’ve got to make a cup of tea. Back shortly.

Lunch England 168-5, need 90 runs to win

44th over: England 168-5 (Root 74, Stokes 20) Southee, smart in black piping , sends down the last over before lunch. Root picks a single, a leaden footed Stokes struggles through the rest of it – ignoring and blocking. Quite the session: 120 runs, four wickets, 33 overs.

“Why doesn’t Stokes retire hurt?” asks Stephen Dobbie. “And let Root knock them off with Foakes playing proper test cricket. Surely he could always come back if the Nighthawk and Englands fit all rounder don’t get it done…without troubling the old man into padding up?” I think he would see it as a personal failure.

43rd over: England 167-5 (Root 73, Stokes 20) England need 258 to win.Root, on the charge, has decided he needs to get a wriggle on, so that his captain can limp through till lunch. Crunch, he lifts Bracewell for six. Then a sweeping dab, just over the fielder, for four. Stokes gets a quicker one last ball that nearly skids through the defenses. We’re on the brink of lunch.

42nd over: England 156-5 (Root 62, Stokes 20) England need 258 to win.Might New Zealand, the commentators muse, try some short stuff against the limping Ben Stokes? I think they might. Not this over though. Southee sure and steady.

41st over: England 155-5 (Root 61, Stokes 20) England need 258 to win. Stokes’s knee is causing him serious issues. It seems to lock as he plays a cut shot, momentarily immobilising him. And as he tries to run (after flaying a ball that eventually goes for four) he ends up hobbling like a old man.

Updated

40th over: England 151-5 (Root 61, Stokes 16) England need 258 to win. Lovely and full from Southee, finding some swing. Root picks up a couple through third.

“I have just got up (I live in Asia) and logged in to check the score. 1443 for 5. A record, surely. Tuesday is obviously going to be a great day.” Craig Shepherd, may I refer you to Pedant’s Corner? You’ll find quite a few OBOers are already there.

39th over: England 149-5 (Root 59, Stokes 16) England need 258 to win. Bracewell has settled into a rhythm now, and England are content to knock him for a fistful of singles. Good news for New Zealand as Henry, after a spell on the rack, is ready to come back on the field.

38th over: England 146-5 (Root 57, Stokes 15) England need 258 to win. England only pick up singles off Southee, but that’s all they need. The target is only 112. On the green slopes of the ground, Wellington locals lean back and shoot the breeze.

37th over: England 143-5 (Root 55, Stokes 14) England need 258 to win. A maiden from Bracewell.

“Can we please drop the myth that Brearley was some sort of King Solomon-Alexander the Great hybrid? writes Marcus Abdullahi.

“He was whitewashed in Oz, dodged West Indies twice (as well as India away), and with both bat and supposed superbrain cost England a World Cup final. Stokes is streets ahead - and that with Crawley up top rather than prime 1977 Boycott.”

Rewrite Brearley? You’ll be telling me Drake wasn’t really playing bowls on Plymouth Hoe next.

Updated

36th over: England 143-5 (Root 55, Stokes 14) England need 258 to win. Stokes pushes with hard hands at Southee but luck is on his side, and the thick edge flies behind where it is stopped by a flying Neil Wagner on the boundary. Still half an hour till lunch.

Updated

35th over: England 139-5 (Root 54, Stokes 11) England need 258 to win. Bracewell, dirty right knee, trundles in. Lovely action, some nice turn. Stokes is watchful.

“I’m not sure about this idea of removing a consonant from Pope’s name,” sniggers Ed Bayling. “It’s the ‘ope that kills you...Anyway, ‘ave a good evening!”

34th over: England 138-5 (Root 53, Stokes 11) England need 258 to win Bad news for New Zealand as Matt Henry pulls up after bowling the fifth ball of the over – it looks as if his bat has spasmed. The physio runs out and pulls him around, stretches his back. He can stand, but not bowl, and walks off the field. Southee finishes the over, which Stokes defends.

33rd over: England 135-5 (Root 52, Stokes 9) England need 258 to win. Southee brings Bracewell back for a settling over, that leaks just one run. Root calls for a drink and Matthew Potts wipes down the bottle with a towel like a good French waiter.

Meanwhile Adam Hirst in Rio is suspicious of Root’s motives. I”’m not buying it! Little Joey knew exactly what he was doing there. That’ll teach you to steal my thunder, young man! He’s never made such an ignored century before. He’ll have to score another now to make up for that.”

Fifty for Joe Root!

32nd over: England 134-5 (Root 51, Stokes 9) England need 258 to win Root’s second fifty of the match – in a career of 29 hundreds and 57 fifties. Not Henry’s best over tbh – serves up a wide one for Root to cut for four, and another wide one which Stokes launches into and sends over the slips for four more. Did someone press play on the Bazball tape?

“Can anyone see the Northern Lights? You asked a few overs ago. Yes, in my dreams. Of long ago, 1980 in Alaska, on a nuclear base (Don’t ask).” I now have so many question Robert Lewis.

31stth over: England 125-5 (Root 46, Stokes 5) England need 258 to win Root drives through cover one one knee like a man drawing a finger through a bowl of whipped cream before gobbling it up.


Evening Tanya,” Hello Martin Wright.

“That Brook run out: am I being hopelessly old school in thinking surely it was his call? I mean, when the ball goes behind the wicket, doesn’t the non-striker have the say so? Couldn’t he have just yelled ‘No!’. Or was Root too far down the track? What am I missing here?”

Unfortunately the camera angle doesn’t show us what was happening at the non-strikers end but – basically – yes, it should have been. Maybe he didn’t feel confident enough to tell Root no?

30th over: England 120-5 (Root 41, Stokes 5) England need 258 to win Uneven bounce suddenly coming into play. Henry beats Root with one that suddenly flies, he edges -but just short of slip. Then Stokes gets a hot potato, which he edges over the keeper.

29th over: England 117-5 (Root 38, Stokes 5) Root unfurls a straight drive to die for off Wagner. Purrrrrr.

From Jonathon Broscombe :“I can’t be the only one … [er] …to have read Kim Thonger’s pedantry in forensic detail and be delighted to point out a dropped consonant in Pope may lead to Poo but not Pop.”

28th over: England 112-5 (Root 33, Stokes 5) Bracewell replaced after that expensive over, by Henry. He’s on point, beating Stokes’ outside edge and the last ball rises out of nowhere, catches the top edge of Stokes’ bat, onto the fingers of BLundell’s gloves and flies over the slips for four.

Kim Thonger – what have you done?

Ben Smith removes the lid from his fountain pen: “Re. Kim Thonger’s pedantry - ‘Pop’ has been reduced by a vowel, not a consonant. Good to know that as England collapse and Bazball fades into our memory, the OBO can revert to the white heat of pedantry.”

And Kevin Rodgers, “Surely to get ‘Pop’ for our teletubby trio you need to remove a vowel from a name, not a consonant. Just sayin’.”

Jeremy, “Please tell Kim Thonger for me and all my fellow pedants that if you remove a consonant from the name of Pope you may get Ope or Poe, but certainly not Pop.”

And Matt Harriott, “Not one usually one to jump on a bandwagon but if pedantry is the theme of the hour it feels appropriate to point out that Pope less a consonant would be Poe. Maybe the latest iteration of the nighthawk should be The Raven?”

27th over: England 106-5 (Root 31, Stokes 1) An edge! Wagner twisting yarns and Stokes is drawn in – but it falls just short of Latham at slip. They take drinks – New Zealand’s hour.

“I suppose after Root’s crazy call, the least he can do to make it up to Harry Brook is to play a (former) captain’s innings in tandem with current captain Stokes.,” taps Colum Fordham. “What a finely poised match. England’s two best players in a precarious position but extremely capable of making amends, with the Kiwis desperate to wreak Revenge on defeat in the first test.Wagner is bowling very well and getting bounce. He Could prove quite a handful. Fine day’s (morning’s) test cricket in prospect.”

It should be a thriller!

In other news, can anyone see the Northern Lights?

26th over: England 106-5 (Root 31, Stokes 1) Root takes out his frustration on Bracewell – prancing down the wicket to ping him for six, and sweeping him viciously for four. Another short one is dispatched for four more. Southee and Williamson give him a quick pep talk, but the next one is short again – only stopped by Latham’s ribs at short leg.

25th over: England 89-5 (Root 14, Stokes 1) Wagner slips over in his follow through, spears down a pillow on the leg side and Root gratefully accepts a single. England grateful for crumbs right now.

24th over: England 86-5 (Root 12, Stokes 0) Southee, tail up, manages one more. Stokes – Bazball temporarily in the bin - plays out a maiden.

Worth staying up for.

23rd over: England 86-5 (Root 12, Stokes 0) Root edges Wagner through the gap where third slip would have been and picks up four. Not a nerve settling four, but a four nonetheless.

“Could I respectfully point out to a previous correspondent whose name escapes me,” hisses Kim Thonger, “that Alan Knott had two ts in his name not one. Pedantic it may be but where would we be if we reduced the number of consonants in names willy nilly? Our middle order would be Roo, Broo and Pop which sounds like something from Teletubbies. I cannot let it lie.” And where would the OBO be without a healthy dose of pedans?

22nd over: England 80-5 (Root 6, Stokes 0) Root puts his head in his hands as Brook finishes his first run and trudges off without having faced a ball. Possibly the worst run Root has ever called in his entire career. England now on the rocks.

Tom Blundell stumps Harry Brook for a duck.
Tom Blundell stumps Harry Brook for a duck. Photograph: Dave Lintott/lintottphoto/Shutterstock

Updated

WICKET! Brook run out 0 (England 80-5)

Oooops. Brook run out without facing a ball. Root dabs behind and sets off without looking, but a superb pick up and throw at slip destroys the stumps with Brook still four paces out of his crease.

21st over: England 80-3 (Pope 14, Root 6) The heavy footed Wagner drops short and Ollie Pope slams him through midwicket. Two balls later, he’s on his way. Never quite looked in the mode today.

Updated

WICKET! Pope c Latham b Wagner (England 80-4)

A smashing take tumbling backwards at first slip, as Pope has a limp cut

20th over: England 76-3 (Pope 10, Root 6) A leg bye the only runs off the excellent Southee, who is a weather-beaten mix of Stephen Fleming and Brad Pitt.

“Evening Tanya.” Brian Withington!

”Oh, Tom! When did we start picking and choosing our preferred heroic match-winners?! I’d settle for any one of the England team seeing us limp over the line here. 258 looks a very long way at the moment.”

19th over: England 75-3 (Pope 10, Root 6) “It’s never a good sign when one hand comes off the pull shot,” says David Gower, as Pope swats a fly. But he picks up four past the slips, and a couple more as Henry’s over costs 11.

18th over: England 64-3 (Pope 1, Root 4) The excellent Southee keeps the pressure on. Pope off the mark but looks jittery. Root already stepping into his hush puppies.

“Can I add my thanks to so many others; as the working day draws to a dank, dark close hear, I’m grateful to the OBO for keeping me in touch with the important happenings of the day. I moved here before my twins were born (to my wife, for clarity) and they turn 19 next month. when they were very little I compared their speech to the nurdle methodology one I Ron Bell utilised at the crease. They’re now full grown exuberant adults, having obviously followed the development of the team in the full Stokes mold.”

Thank you John Sims!

17th over: England 61-3 (Pope 0, Root 2) Root picks up a couple immediately off his toes but suddenly England have two new batters at the crease, and the ball is new.

“I’d love it if Duckett could be the hero tonight. He’s been there bustling away in the background all winter and putting in cameos, but never quite grabbing the headlines. Meanwhile, Root, Broad, Anderson, Leach and Robinson have all had headlines for their redemption stories following questions being asked about their longevity and ongoing suitability; Pope is being bigged-up as a future captain; Brooke as a future Bradman; Foakes ans the modern Knot and Stokes as the modern Brearley. It’s got to Duckett’s turn to shine today.”

Sorry Tom Vd Gucht, posted this just a minute twoo late

WICKET! Duckett c Blundell b Henry 33 (England 59-3)

Well now! Duckett squeezes his eyes shut as he trudges off, his mouth a squeeze of lemon. A daft swipe is picked up by Blundell

16th over: England 53-2 (Duckett 27, Pope 0) The target drops below 200.

Tom Hopkins points out possible email issues. My email, which should work… is tanya.aldred.freelance@theguardian.com.

“Evening Tanya,” Hello Tom!

”Another Test winter draws to a close and as I’m still not prepared to pay Rupert to watch it the OBO has been my window into Baz’s world.

I’ve no idea how you keep it so vibrant in the middle of the night, but I’m very glad you do! Heartfelt thanks to you and all the other OBOers.”

Thank you for your very kind words on behalf of my colleagues – the job is a pleasure, whatever the weird hours.

15th over: England 53-2 (Duckett 27, Pope 0) A short wait while the keeper collects his helmet. Some super fielding at slip by Bracewell prevents four squeezing through the cordon. A nervous looking Pope does well to survive a probing over by Henry.

14th over: England 53-2 (Duckett 27, Pope 0) A beautiful over from Southee, who not only gets rid of Robinson but sends down three screaming deliveries at Ollie Pope, the first beating the outside edge by a whisker, the third by a whisper as Pope dances down the pitch.

WICKET! Robinson c Bracewell b Southee 2 (England 53-2)

A take-that hoopla with a thick top edge. The ball flies high and behind to backward point where Bracewell holds on with both hands.

Ollie Robinson of England is caught by Michael Bracewell of New Zealand during day five.
Ollie Robinson of England is caught by Michael Bracewell of New Zealand during day five. Photograph: Phil Walter/Getty Images

Updated

13th over: England 53-1 (Robinson 2, Duckett 27) Raised voices filter through from the table tennis match going on next door. Duckett and Robinson – the night owl? – prod at Henry and pick up four with this and that. Apparently England called for the heavy roller this morning.

12th over: England 49-1 (Robinson 1, Duckett 24) An offkey Jerusalem greets Southee. He creeps back to his mark, like a man who has been swimming in his new party trousers. Just a single from the over, a little push into the covers by Duckett.

Checkerboard grass at the Basin Reserve. “Shows how England have flipped the script,” says Steven Finn. “250 in the last innings when you’ve been in the field for 200 overs is tricky with fatigue and everything. The fact we’re talking about it how quick they’re going to get the runs rather than the challenge is a credit to the way England play.”

Southee has the ball, here we go…

It is sunny and altogether gorgeous in Wellington. While I make a quick cup of tea – do send me an email or two.

And in another world, some news:

The baton was handed over with great grace yesterday as Kane Williamson overtook Ross Taylor to become New Zealand’s highest Test run scorer.

Preamble

Hello and welcome to the final curtain. The culmination of England’s Test winter that started in Rawalpindi on December 1 and finishes three months later a hemisphere and a flat white away.

England need just 210 runs for a clean sweep of five wins from five games in Pakistan and New Zealand, and to become the first England team since the 19th century to win all their winter Tests. It would also be their seventh consecutive Test win – and if I’d told you that a year ago, after England had lost all 10 wickets for 56 runs in 22.4 overs at Sydney for a 146-run defeat inside three days and a 4-0 Ashes whitewash, you would sent for the white coats and the concussion Test.

The Kiwis, whose stock has fallen nearly as quickly as England’s has risen, need nine wickets to make England the fourth team in Test history to lose after enforcing the follow-on. Throw in a new ball, a michievous pitch, and bullish captains – anything could happen.

Zac Crawley must watch from the pavilion, after a brisk one-upmanship innings of 24, 20 of them in boundaries, mulling over his summer chances. He is probably first in line for the chop when YJB – last spotted watching Leeds v Hull at Headingley on Friday night - returns. Nightwatchman Ollie Robinson and Ben Duckett will start the chase at 9.30pm GMT.

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