It seems a decent time to sign off. It’s been as good a wicketless day as England have had in the field for a while. Just 17 balls bowled, and New Zealand remain right in charge. The weather seems better tomorrow, and England will still have to bat very well to save the game. “We’ve got to show some ticker and get out of this,” says Graham Thorpe. If they do, this will be the first drawn day-night Test.
The OBO, of course, will bring you all that from midnight on Saturday night (beware the changing clocks!). Tune in then, and thank you very much for your company! Speak soon.
Updated
The forecast, Jonathan Agnew says, is better tomorrow. He is right in his forecast for Sunday’s play: New Zealand bat on for a fair while longer at a decent lick (enter Big Colin), then stick England in under lights. Could be over in 80 minutes again! If you’re an optimist, they would have four sessions to survive to save the game. “We’ve got a long way to go,” says Graham Thorpe, England’s batting coach. He’s not wrong.
That's that – the rain has won
The umpires have decided enough is enough and have called play off for the day. Just 17 balls were possible on the third day of the game, which is good news for England, who are 175 runs behind. They will start again at 1.3opm local time tomorrow.
The plot thickens...
Off for the day in Auckland - official
— John Etheridge (@JohnSunCricket) March 24, 2018
NEWS: Another inspection will take place at 7pm Auckland time. That’s 6am in the UK. If it’s still raining, it sounds like they are going to sack all this off. And so they should.
The end seems very nigh here...
Oliver Deed is sheltering from the rain!
“Thank God for the OBO keeping one entertained through all this rain,” he says. “Having spent a partially wasted afternoon at Eden Park reading Tim Shipman’s account of the Brexit referendum (just to compound the misery) and sending the odd email to OBO, I’ve taken the bold decision to head back to the city centre to lament the inclement climatic conditions, from the safety of one of city’s fine drinking establishments.
“Having lived in Sydney for the last six months, I’d rather forgotten what the bad weather looked like. Upon hearing of my trip over the Tasman, the Aussie colleagues said “You’ll love New Zealand, it’s very British”. With three days of weather interrupted cricket, an England batting collapse and a ginger haired singer songwriter from Suffolk selling out stadiums across the country, I now know what they meant.”
Very sensible, take cover. I’ve spent the last four weeks trucking round New Zealand for that excellent ODI series. It barely rained. I leave the England team alone for one minute, they fold in 80 minutes and it starts hammering it down. Sorry all.
Simon Mann says the umpires are having a look...
Zaph Mann went to the pub when Tim was on earlier, and has now returned from said pub. He is nominating rain songs. The latest is this, from Ann Peebles.
Mark Illingworth has been in touch from (almost) Eden Park. He’s given us the bad news first and then the good news.
“As an Illingworth,” he grunts, “with that rare genetic predisposition toward the long form game, inherited from one’s Yorkshire forebears no doubt, and as an Auckland native living 200m from Eden Park, it is properly persisting down here and there is a snowballs chance of play resuming today.
“The forecast is far more encouraging for tomorrow when this weather system blows through tonight and clears up in the morning.”
Well that’s something.
Great to see.
A cameo at Eden Park to break the monotony of staring at a green oval and white rectangle. A solid slide, probably 0.1 degrees of difficulty before he was clobbered. pic.twitter.com/zDwWrnJXS0
— Andrew Alderson (@aldersonnotes) March 24, 2018
Drama in the middle in Auckland as a bored fan decides he can wait no longer to enjoy the slip ‘n’ slide.#bbccricket pic.twitter.com/Y1OHf3AJwn
— Henry Moeran (@henrymoeranBBC) March 24, 2018
They can play until 10pm in Auckland, which is 9am GMT (GMT becomes BST this weekend, folks!). That’s still four hours away, so based on yesterday’s business I suspect we will be waiting rather longer yet. But it feels like there won’t be any more play. Super Simon Mann just said on TMS that, with steady rain falling, he believes it is “inconceivable” that another ball will be bowled.
Not much has happened. There were 17 balls. New Zealand scored four runs. In that time England missed a run out. Exciting!
The Very Generous Martin Wright has written in.
“I’ve just donated to The Guardian,” he says (thanks!). “The official line is that it’s in recognition of all the sterling coverage taking on the tech giants, facing down the Facebook monster, etc etc. But just between us, it’s really to keep the OBO-ers in tea and jaffa cakes. Or whatever it is keeps you going - I assume it’s jaffa cakes. Or is that just me?”
What sustains OBOers depends, of course, almost entirely on the time of day. For me, coffee will almost always be involved. But on summer ones, on warm afternoons, a nice drop of Pellegrino (either the fizzy water, or the sickly sweet fizzy syrups) helps. Not really a jaffa cake man, I’m afraid. Might have some marmite toast shortly, mind.
Ian Forth, a card-carrying pedant (4.30), has been in touch:
“Except Vic’s stat is not strictly true,” he crows. “England scored 0/0 declared at Centurion as recently as 2000 and went on to win. Yours, a pedant.”
Ah, but I think it’s my presentation of Vic’s stat (sorry, it’s early or late and I’m not sure which) that is the problem. I said “scored”, not “bowled out” for 58 or under. Will adjust...
A very, very nice story in my inbox from “Bob Tractor Boy Fletcher”, who is quite happy with this lack of play.
“Kia Ora Will from a wet Eden Park. Not all bad news for me as an England supporter. Not many here can say they shared a beer with Ed Sheeran yesterday during his visit to the game. Ed hails from near Ipswich and is an Ipswich Town fan. He saw my Tractor Boys flag yesterday and sent 10 beers over. Top gesture from a top performer and great guy.”
That really is a lovely touch.
Updated
“That’s proper rain,” says Agnew, as this is tweeted.
Hosing down at Eden Park. Chances of any more play today = very slim.
— John Etheridge (@JohnSunCricket) March 24, 2018
Listening to Aggers and Vic on the radio and Victor has just unveiled a killer stat:
Not since 1902 has a Test team been dismissed for 58 or less escaped that Test with a draw.
England can but dream!
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Some very interesting reports in India in India about Virat Kohli and the possibility of his joining Surrey this summer. Mitch Marsh is their overseas player, but he will likely be playing for Australia in the rather odd ODI series against England in June. So... it’s possible. And it’s very exciting.
Story about Virat Kohli following through with his comments to us in 2016 about playing county cricket before the England tour by signing up for a stint with Surrey. I think that is tremendous news. Would love to see it reciprocated too. https://t.co/qkHLyM0u5k
— Dean Wilson (@CricketMirror) March 24, 2018
The first email! Scott Poynting on gloomy skies northern skies on the North Island.
“There was something about that photo of the grey rainy skies over Eden Park in yesterday’s OBO that reminded me of the (ditto) skies over Old Trafford,” he smirks. “So I emailed my Pommy mate Steve, not to miss sharing the good news of England’s progress. He replied: ‘THANK GOD!!!’ 4 days of Manchester weather in Auckland and we can celebrate a hard fought but in the final analysis well deserved draw. Time to have a cuppa’. Sounded very OBO. And he would say that, being a scouser. (About Manchester, not tea.)”
It would be one hell of a draw...
Well hello there. Will here, up in Rather Rainy London and still a bit jetlagged after returning from New Zealand earlier in the week. It wasn’t really rainy there then, but it really is rainy there now, which does not suit the cricket – and least of all for the Black Caps. They should still have plenty of time to win (they only need 80 minutes or so hur hur hur) but it’s frustrating nonetheless. I’ve got Sky Sports Cricket and TMS on, and neither are currently covering this match. Never. A. Good. Sign.
I’m trying to pick through and catch up on the discussion so far and some emails Tim has kindly forwarded on. If you want to get in touch with me, there are a couple of ways to do so!
- By email at the cumbersome will.macpherson.freelance@theguardian.com
- On the twitters @willis_macp
While I eagerly await your correspondence, I’m reading this excellent piece by the excellent Kiwi Andrew Alderson, and finding myself in thorough agreement. Williamson lifts the sport.
Time for me to hand over. Next man in is Will Macpherson, who covered most of this interminable England tour with his own eyes, and wrote very well about it. Thanks for your company, your correspondence and your patience in the face of the long black cloud.
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And now, an email entitled The decline and fall of the OBO. Help. “Nice weather stuff there,” says Robert Wilson. Phew. But I feel a but coming... “But I can’t believe that the North and South game is dropping off the edge of the map without the merest attempt at an Elizabeth Gaskell joke (or failing that a sentimental YouTube clip of the sainted Patrick Swayze).” Ha.
“Can I tell you a secret?” It’s twenty to four in the morning – you can tell me anything you like. “Although, like all my generation, I’m a King Viv worshipping Windies nut and practically an Australian fan nowadays, I can’t help feeling that England in New Zealand is my favourite bitter but chocolatey treat. Nobody goes. Nobody watches. Nobody cares. It’s often weird and desultory and since I was a nipper, it’s always accompanied by the direst predictions of the imminent death of Test cricket. By any standards, the NZ tour is oxen-stunningly depressing. You need a heart of oak to endure it. So why does it always make me feel so incredibly youthful and happy?”
An email entitled simply Weather. “Greetings from a frustrated NZ cricket fan,” says Alison Cunningham. Greetings! “It’s glorious warm dry sunshine here in Dunedin.” You’re joking. “Just like yesterday. Thought I’d mention it for future Test schedulers to bear in mind.” Classy. “Although after that amazing ODI victory it would seem churlish to ask for more. Thanks for the entertaining coverage in the absence of actual cricket.” Ah, it’s a pleasure. The essence of cricket commentary is when there’s no cricket to commentate on.
The Guardian’s unofficial weatherman, John Etheridge of the Sun, is back on Twitter. “Beginning to fear,” he says, “there will be no more play today in Auckland. Still raining steadily, no sign of it stopping.”
OK, we’ve done the pretend selection. Now we need a good list. Cometh the hour, cometh Ian Forth. “If forced at gunpoint to make one up,” he begins, “this is a personal list of Dramatic Weather Interventions In England Test Matches.”
The Oval 1968. Hundreds of locals with pitchforks allow play to resume at 5pm on the final day with Australia 5 down. Deadly Derek Underwood runs through them to achieve an unlikely victory.
WI v England, 2nd Test, 1990. With Desmond Haynes slowing the over rate down to 8 overs an hour, and England poised to go 2-0 up in the series, the only cloud within 100 miles deposits its load over the ground. England go on to lose the series 2-1.
The Miracle of Karachi 2000. Hussain, Hick and Thorpe win in the dark - thanks to Steve Bucknor in his prime, and Matthew Hoggard manning the sightscreen. 12 English supporters celebrate on the boundary, many more in the offices back home.
1st Test, Lord’s, 2007. England have India 9 down on the final afternoon and are closing in on victory. But in pre-DRS days, Sreesanth, palpably lbw to Panesar, is not given by Steve Bucknor. Bad light, then rain force an abandonment, and England go on to lose the series 1-0.
The Oval 2013. After 5 days of play, with 4 overs to go, and with England needing 21 to win, cricket deems that’s quite enough excitement, thank you, and play is called off due to bad light. Some consolation is they’ve just won The Ashes 3-0.
The tireless Rowntree is back for more. “Just before I go off to make my 10pm tea, cheese and crackers, I think that although I would be supporting the North, the South team needs changes based on the fact that Morgs never plays red ball cricket these days, and as yet, Archer, unfortunately, is some years away from qualifying for England. So I would go with:-
1 Cook (capt), 2 Stoneman, 3 Duckett, 4 Malan, 5 Northeast, 6 Foakes (wkt), 7 T Curran, 8 C Overton, 9 TRJ, 10 Jamie Porter, 11 Leach.
Fair points, and a good team. I was hoping to get the best captain in the country out there, even if he seldom sees a red ball, and the most exciting young player, even if he does have to wait to qualify – this game wouldn’t be an international, so no need to stick to those rules.
Updated
Still drizzling in Auckland, and tea is going to be taken in a few minutes (3.30-3.50pm NZ time). Meanwhile, an email comes in from Robert Wilson. “Young Timothy,” he begins. It’s been a while since I was called either of those things – the one a price worth paying for the other. Anyway. “Cricket-loving Americans should be wrapped in silk and nuzzled gently behind the ears. Keith Johnson has some serious comment game there. I hope even this rain-blighted affair offers him some blessed relief from what one imagines to be his dismay at his nation’s current predicament (could a cricket-lover actually likeTrump. Is it genetically possible?).
“A word on Williamson’s innings. After the debacle, Daniel Harris (I think), in trying to give some context and colour to the true hum and heft of England’s ineptitude, said it was nailed on that Williamson was about to cop a ton on that very same pitch. Which would seem like one of the greatest of good calls in recent sports commentary. Except it wasn’t really a good call at all. It wasn’t a hostage to fortune, a potential hex, nor a poisoned chalice. It was a reasoned and successful response to external stimulus – the basic prompt of mammalian life.
“That’s how good Williamson is.”
Updated
Time to pick teams for the Rowntree version of North v South. Rules of the game: I sketch out the two sides, and you immediately spot improvements. In other words, I’m the national selector (often derided), and you’re the cricket writer (never mistaken).
THE NORTH
1 Jennings, 2 Hameed, 3 Root (capt), 4 Clarke, 5 Stokes, 6 Bairstow (wkt), 7 Moeen, 8 Woakes, 9 Wood, 10 Broad, 11 Anderson.
THE SOUTH
1 Cook, 2 Stoneman, 3 Gubbins, 4 Malan, 5 Morgan (capt), 6 Foakes (wkt), 7 Archer, 8 S Curran, 9 C Overton, 10 Roland-Jones, 11 Leach.
Updated
Peter Rowntree still won’t go to bed. “Your naughty 7-year-old is still up!” he gloats, before joining the fray on the North v South series. “I would go with Michael Vaughan on this, but turn it into a Test trial, rather like the Gentlemen v Players in the old days. So it would need to be moved to a time when Test players are not occupied and then select the current Test team split over the two sides, plus some young hopefuls, making the two sides as even as possible on paper. Would love to see the likes of Joe Clarke, Josh Tongue and Ben Coad given a chance of mixing it with some of our current Test players.” Sounds good to me. The devil, as so often with today’s cricket, is in the diary.
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An email from Zaph Mann. “I’m off down the pub for a couple,” he says, not that I’m in any way envious. “But now that I know you’re a music man, perhaps songs about rain will help – I submit https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L1PqfT9zTjo whose lyrics start ‘What shall I write? What can I say?’” Can’t go wrong with Carole King.
Sure enough, the rain is back. And the lights have gone out all over the sports desk, which is apparently standard, but still weird. Just as despair is setting in, an intriguing email lands. “Greetings from Westchester NY,” says Keith Johnson brightly. He describes himself as “an American who has recently fallen in love with that game those English blokes play dressed all in white”.
“Two years on,” he says, he is “watching pretty religiously at some pretty odd hours (the family baffled at my sleep schedule during the Ashes) and I have to believe that if Engerland were thinking about blowing up the test team after the Ashes series, that abject display in the first innings here should seal it. Playing for pride for the Three Lions is supposed to be legendary, unmatched on the planet. I witnessed no fight from anyone in those first innings. Fine, Overton went for thirty-odd, but if his effort is the one to rescue the pride, more problems exist. It runs deep; it’s skill, approach, mentality. Unless players are held accountable, this is going to get worse before it gets better.
“At least you have Bumble – an absolute treasure.”
Updated
Play is apparently due to resume at 3.15pm, or 2.15am in Britain. That’s assuming the rain holds off.
An email comes in from Tanya Aldred, my friend and colleague from Wisden days as well as on here. She’s been up late sorting the world out with her friend Claire. “If you’re looking for something to talk about,” she says, “you could mention the North v South series in Barbados. The North just won: https://www.ecb.co.uk/news/650304/north-team-win-the-north-south-series.”
Tanya has skin in that game, on both sides – she’s from Surrey but lives near Old Trafford. Something in her tone suggests she was supporting the North. Michael Vaughan reckons the North-South encounter should be rethought and turned into two five-day games, to give young players a taste of long-form cricket. What do you think?
Updated
In case you’re just tuning in, rain has stopped play. The day began on time but the umps took the players off after 17 balls, no wickets, and four runs – three of them to Henry Nicholls, who completed a fifty from the 1950s. “Nicholls has played beautifully,” says the England opener turned TV presenter Nick Knight, whose idea of beauty must be a little different from mine.
Updated
“Not going to bed,” says Peter Rowntree, sounding magnificently like a seven-year-old, “so email it is. Thinking about England’s problems I very much agree with Barny Ronay – ‘Crocodile Bayliss’ should not be allowed to wreck the Test Team further. I recall many years ago when Martin O’Neill first came to manage Wycombe. They played each year in a competition called the Buck and Berkshire Cup, mainly with smaller amateur sides in the area. They never minded getting knocked out because it distracted from other competitions in which they were involved. So they went out and lost with a lacklustre performance and strolled back to the dressing-room as though it didn’t matter. O’Neill met them at the door and it is said he absolutely tore strips off them, saying he would never allow a side that he managed accept a culture of losing.
“So where do we find a cricketing O’Neill or Cloughie? I would turn to Dave Ripley, the Northamptonshire senior coach. They have punched well above their weight in all competitions in the last few years on a limited budget – they take mediocre players from other counties and turn them into good players. They have always had a wonderful team spirit. I also think he is strong enough to stand up to the idiocies of the ECB. He would probably want the England job like a hole in the head, but for me he is the best English coach around, and knows the red-ball game in England inside and out.” This is what readers’ emails are for (apart from often being great entertainment): a point of view you don’t get from the press box.
While we’re on the subject of insomnia, here are a few stats. NZ have scored slower than England (2.45 runs an over, to England’s 2.80). But they have already batted more than four times as long – 95 overs, to England’s pitiful 20.4. Every NZ batsman has lasted at least half an hour; only two Englishmen managed that (Stoneman and Overton). Overton, who made 33 not out, is still the third-top scorer in the match. His strike rate, 132 runs per hundred balls, dwarfs that of Nicholls (34). Kane Williamson not only made much the biggest score of the game, with his measured 102; he also, as captain, went through a whole innings without making a bowling change.
Paul Cockburn has a good point. “Before the inevitable tide of insomniac emails from England fans, can I just put in a word for the NZ bowling attack? OK: 58 is shocking, but Boult and Southee are a genuinely top-class bowling attack, and a decent chunk of that low score is down to them. They do have form in this, after all, as the World Cup down here showed England before…” Very true. And Boult, especially, was on fire on the first afternoon here, as we keep seeing, again and again, when Sky fills space with the highlights.
If you fancy England to win this match, they are 66-1. New Zealand, on the other hand, are 1-3. I know where my fiver would be going, if the Guardian had only thought to build an all-night bookie into their office.
An email has landed. Thank you, Oliver Deed. “The Kiwis might as well declare now. After England’s first innings shambles, does anyone seriously think we will chase down 175? 75 would be progress.” Well, yes, but catastrophic team scores tend to be followed by something more solid. Remember the 40-odd all out in Trinidad, and the hundred stand for the first wicket in Barbados, by Atherton and Stewart?
But Oliver has more. “What’s the lowest total across two innings in a Test Match? Could be beaten today – it would turn this Test into an ‘I was there’ moment for the band of England fans in attendance. A strange sort of consolation.”
It could be a long night. If you’re up and about, you have two options: go to bed now or send in an email. Tell us what’s on your mind, what you’re up to and where you are, or how to fix England’s Test team.
Updated
Rain stops play!
Sod’s law: after all that excitement, they’ve gone off again.
95th over: New Zealand 233-4 (Nicholls 52, Watling 18) Joe Root was only bowling Moeen because he had to, so here’s Jimmy Anderson. Round the wicket to the left-handed Nicholls, he gets some swing away towards the slips. But when one goes straight on, Nicholls tucks it away for a couple, and that’s the second individual fifty of the match – off 149 balls, three of which have gone for four. Dear Younger Reader, this is how everyone used to go about Test cricket. Especially in New Zealand.
94th over: New Zealand 230-4 (Nicholls 49, Watling 18) At the other end it’s Stuart Broad. “England have had control for the most part,” says Mike Atherton – his tone adding “if that’s even possible when you’ve been shot out for 58”. Watling is watchful, Broad is a touch wide of off, and that’s a maiden.
93rd over: New Zealand 230-4 (Nicholls 49, Watling 18) Watling, purposeful again, plays a neat lap for a single. Nothing so frivolous from Nicholls. And the Barmy Army sing Jerusalem, with rather too much echo attached because the ground is largely empty.
It’s gloomy, according to John Etheridge of the Sun on Twitter, and the lights are on. “but there’s been no rain so far”. If they do start on time, it will be Moeen Ali to resume after bowling one ball of a new spell.
Updated
A tweet has landed, hours before play starts. Is this a record? It’s from Robert Park, who has an update on the weather. “Severe thunderstorm watch issued for Auckland for tonight,” he notes, trying to sound solemn. “Might be that the rain gods help us salvage a draw?” The answer to that may be another question: how long would you back England to hold out?
Preamble
An afternoon of high drama, followed by a day of rain and not much else: so what comes next? England got this match off to a gobsmacking start by batting like there was no tomorrow. New Zealand, so far, have batted as if it was the day before yesterday, all patience and rectitude and playing within their limitations. Just before yesterday’s wash-out, BJ Watling was beginning to change that with some silky strokes, so let’s see if he can give this game the hurry-up.
More showers are forecast today, but not till teatime (around 3am GMT, 4pm in Auckland). By then, New Zealand’s lead, already a hefty 171, may be large enough for Kane Williamson to declare and go for the jugular, or, as cricket lovers call it, an innings victory.
It’s been a curious tour. The two teams have acted like a couple who meet at the start of a rom-com and get on almost too well – that was the one-day series – before discovering that in many ways they’re a mismatch. In the rom-com, of course, love will conquer all.
In a two-Test series, to sustain the drama to the end, we need the first Test to end in a nail-biting draw, which seems rather a tall order at the moment. The plot seems to be crying out for a lot more rain – or its closest human equivalent, a long innings by Alastair Cook.
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