Read the report from day four:
And here is the report from England women’s thrilling win over India:
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Otherwise, we’re done for the day – thanks for your company and comments, join me tomorrow for what could be a thriller.
Here’s more on that ball-tampering story...
As the man who discovered three holes in the desert said, well well well. Joe Root batted brilliantly through the evening session, but one ball – or in this case two balls – is all it takes. I guess he might wonder if he ought to have retired hurt, but you can’t be arguing with Trent Boult’s accuracy, nor his ability to deliver when he really needed to. It’s hard to see how England get out of this now: who on earth is playing the key innings?
Close of play: England 132-3
They trail by 237, and must bat 98 overs tomorrow, or enough of them to get enough of a lead, to save the Test - with their best batsman back in the hutch.
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WICKET! Root c Watling b Boult 51 (England 132-3)
And that, you’d think, is the match! Bolt comes wide and short, Root can’t quite get out of the way, and the ball grazes that same hand, to be caught down the leg side by Watling. It’s impossible to overate the brilliance of that bowling from Boult just when his team needed something.
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47th over: England 132-2 (Root 51, Malan 19) Oh! Ouch! Three dots, and then Boult, from around, finds the length to clobber Root right on the bottom hand, pining it against the bat. It’s a real sair yin, Root is hating it right away, and the physio is on - this might be the end of the day, or at least the final over. Root’s index finger is the one, but it’s being moved about so probably isn’t broken. He’s in plenty of discomfort, but will continue - two deliveries to survive...
YELLOW TICKER: STEVEN SMITH IS NO LONGER CAPTAIN OF AUSTRALIA
TIM PAINE WILL TAKE CHARGE FOR THE REMAINDER OF THE CURRENT TEST. DAVID WARNER IS NO LONGER VICE-CAPTAIN.
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46th over: England 132-2 (Root 51, Malan 19) Four more overs to go, I reckon, and Wagner will take this one. Malan pulls its third ball right around to long leg so Wagner goes around and wide with a short leg and a short fine leg. It doesn’t help, and Root adds a further single without looking troubled.
45th over: England 130-2 (Root 50, Malan 18) Boult finds some extra bounce back of a length, and tickles Malan’s bottom hand while it’s still on the handle. He’s fine though, nurdles one, and then Rooy cuts to third man for two. That’s fifty for him, a huge fifty, but can he convert? Well he almost cooks himself - I’m here all week - chasing a wide one around his legs, except he misses.
44th over: England 127-2 (Root 48, Malan 17) Southee finds a nice length, moving off the seam from middle to outside off, but Malan plays nicely inside it before taking two through point. He’s leaving well now, and playing well too, cracking three to cover - the boundary is saved only thanks to a dive on the fence by, I think, Nicholls.
43rd over: England 118-2 (Root 48, Malan 12) Boult slings down a bouncer that Root didn’t see coming, but he’s so confident now, and manages to protect face with bat, keeping ball down. Maiden.
42nd over: England 118-2 (Root 48, Malan 12) Malan loves the back foot, and hops back to defend Southee before absolutely lacing him to the fence via pull. He picks length really well so gets right over the ball and doesn’t hold back through the shot. Those are the only runs from the over, and this is excellent stuff from England. I wonder why they’ve not been tested against spin though - Williamson can’t be worried about runs so what has he to lose apart from Astle’s confidence?
41st over: England 118-2 (Root 48, Malan 8) Boult has found his rhythm, pushing Root back and capitalising immediately afterwards, flinging a scrambled seam across the batsman who tries a cut and is beaten. Sentiments are disbursed followed by a bouncer - Boult is trying to force the drama, but Root is not the sort to get involved and plays positively in defence thereafter. Another maiden.
40th over: England 118-2 (Root 48, Malan 8) Southee returns for one last pelt before the close. Malan starts the over on the crease, but gets moving thereafter, coming forward to see out a maiden.
39th over: England 118-2 (Root 48, Malan 8) New Zealand will want one more before the close - Root is England’s best batsman, Malan was England’s best batsman in Australia. In commentary, they’re wondering if the declaration was saved to get maximum help from conditions at this point in the day - if so, that hasn’t turned out to be the case. Way I see it, they had enough runs ages before and four sessions is a relatively undaunting period to bat - that’s how England will have looked at it. The batsmen run a leg bye, then Root eases two into the covers, and the batsmen are looking comfortable at the moment.
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38th over: England 115-2 (Root 46, Malan 8) Wanger pushes one past Root and smiles in some kind of victory - Root totally pars him So down comes a bouncer, there’s another smile, and Root again isn’t interested. Aha! The next delivery is right in the slot, so Root steps forward and on drives four. Lovely shot, rewarded with a bouncer ... this time he smiles after swaying.
37th over: England 111-2 (Root 42, Malan 8) And here’s the change, Boult returning primarily to have a look at Malan, I guess, but also just because. Because because because becauuuuuse ... because of the wonderful things he does, de-de de-de-de-de de de de. Juat as well, because it’s Root on strike, and he sees away five dots before bumping a single into the off side.
36th over: England 110-2 (Root 41, Malan 8) Williamson conducts a meeting, and it resolves that Wagner will continue. And he rinses Malan immediately with a fuller one outside off that spirits past an ill-judged drive. Four more dots follows, and then Malan whisks two to deep square.
35th over: England 108-2 (Root 41, Malan 6) Boult got Malan last innings, and Southee bowled very nicely at the start of this. But it’s still De Grandhomme with the ball, and Malan earns one to cover, then Root takes two to the same region. England trail by 261, 15 overs left in the day.
There are no Australians warming up before play. This is highly unusual. pic.twitter.com/j9knbPexXM
— Peter Lalor (@plalor) March 25, 2018
34th over: England 105-2 (Root 39, Malan 3) A single each then Wagner tries a short one, but Root is playing him so easily, swaying away and again presenting the gleaming gnashers. He’s enjoying himself out there.
33rd over: England 103-2 (Root 38, Malan 2) De Grandhomme will fancy this, an over at Malan. Oh he will will he? He supplies width, and Malan crumps between gully and point for four. Very nicely done, and the only runs from the over - I wonder if Williamson will go to Boult or Southee before Malan has got himself in.
32nd over: England 99-2 (Root 38, Malan 0) We’ve got another 66 minutes left of the day, and it’s been a long one - I mean just look at this! “If I was asked by the right people, then I would think about my answer.” That’s Michael Clarke! It really is! “I want Clarke to return as Australia captain on moral grounds. Or maybe as specialist morality coach,” tweets Nick Sharland. Root does his man a favour, and plays out a maiden.
31st over: England 99-2 (Root 38, Malan 0) Root, meanwhile, is still going, flowing four through straight mid on. He’s got about about 30 to get before getting himself out, but in the meantime a single brings Malan onto strike ... De Grandhomme immediately diddles him outside off stump.
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30th over: England 94-2 (Root 33, Malan 0) Wagner is short and quick to Malan from around, but down leg side and he leaves alone, then again. I reckon Stoneman is onto his 683th word beginning with eff or cee, and has absolutely punished at least 17 tracksuits. On the plus side, he can’t have failed to notice that Barmy army have tinned it - perhaps he did it on purpose, for the benefit of all in the ground ant watching at home.
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WICKET! Stoneman c Boult b Wagner 55 (England 94-2)
Have a look! Wagner goes around the wicket, goes short again, and Stoneman, flush with the fire of consecutive boundaries and a fifty, pulls to Boult at long leg! It’s a good catch, but really; some language will be disbursed, I daresay. He has chucked that away, right in the middle of the dustbin.
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30th over: England 94-1 (Stoneman 55, Root 33) Stoneman reaches for one outside off and hauls it to the on side - they pace through for run two because Boult takes it easy on the chase. The next ball is shorter but not short enough, so Stoneman bangs it to long leg ... the one after than is better directed, but a top-edged pull gets six and 50! Well batted!
29th over: England 82-1 (Stoneman 43, Root 33) How long till Williamson tries some spin? De Grandhomme beats Stoneman with a surprise short ball, but lets him off strike shortly afterwards with a wide one which a stretch sends to point. It’s the only run off the over.
28th over: England 81-1 (Stoneman 42, Root 33) Wagner bounces Root, who leans away and rolls his wrists to lift over the infield - De Grandhomme chases well to save one on the fence. Stoneman then gets one to cover, Root one to long leg, and Stone then pulls - not with any grace, for one more. In commentary, they’re talking about getting a man closer to the bat, and from where you sacrifice him; in the meantime, that was a good over for England, six from it, and they trail by 288.
27th over: England 75-1 (Stoneman 40, Root 29) A single to each batsman; “Are we happy!” hollers a Barmy Army zanemeister. Not anymore we’re not. This is a good over from Grandhomme, ending with a ball pushed outside off, but I wonder if Wagner thinks he’s found his length to Stoneman, fuller but lifting towards the dress circle.
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26th over: England 73-1 (Stoneman 39, Root 28) There it is! Wagner opens the over by going short; Root ducks under easily enough, then again, showing the bowler the face of his grin. To rub it in, he bunts down into the on side and sets off, which might help New Zealand - Stoneman didn’t love the shorter stuff in Australia. And he gets one right away - there’s a leg slip and two men back - but gets out of the road easily, before one banged a bit fuller lifts into the body. They run one.
25th over: England 71-1 (Stoneman 38, Root 27) There’s not a whole lot of threat out there now. If England can get through the next 10 overs intact, with the ball getting softer they’ll fancy themselves to see out the session. Stoneman cuts to backward point again, and again Nicholls dives to save - this time, they can’t even run one. And De Grandhomme follows it up with one which moves away off the seam, but Stoneman does well to stay inside it. His eye is in. That’s a second straight maiden.
24th over: England 71-1 (Stoneman 38, Root 27) Kids are dancing for camera, and one in a Liverpool kit takes a smack to the stomach off his mate; lovely stuff. Maiden.
23rd over: England 71-1 (Stoneman 38, Root 27) Laugh! Stoneman pushes down the track to mid on, and Raval allows it right, all the way, though, between his legs! Shot! Four! But Stoneman doesn’t respect his good fortune, slashing at a wide one and doing well to miss it. The England fans are starting to make a row now, an unfortunate by-product of England doing well. Wickets, please! Lots of them!
22nd over: England 67-1 (Stoneman 34, Root 27) Here comes Wagner, ball in hand for the first time, late on day 4. Root turns his third ball down to deep square for two, but then plays and misses at the fourth, which is wide - a bit of extra bounce means he’s underneath it. The final delivery of the over is a good one, full and straight, but Root’s behind it well. He’s looking strong, but we know he’s struggling for big, definitive scores at the moment.
21st over: England 65-1 (Stoneman 34, Root 25) England are in control! It’s the way I tell ’em. A single to each batsman, and how long is Williamson going to keep Wagner winding himself up? And for how long will he delay trying spin?
20th over: England 63-1 (Stoneman 33, Root 24) Southee, who’s bowled better than Boult this innings, stays on. Stoneman takes a single to backward point that’s not four only because Nicholls dives well to stop, and suddenly, New Zealand need something.
19th over: England 61-1 (Stoneman 32, Root 23) De Grandhomme has the ball; Wagner must be absolutely spewing. Root takes two to backward point, but what’s this! The ball smacks the pad, but via inside edge - there’s a huge appeal and they run one, then two to fine leg. England have now passed their first innings in their second, and we know how rarely that happens; what a team!
Zaph Mann emails: “‘Stoneman’ is a fine name for an obdurate opener (I’ve just realised that ‘Boycott’ is similar),” whereas ‘Cook’ and ‘Stokes’ should be hitting out, no? Is our Test team being inhibited by not laying their natural name game?”
Stoneman doesn’t suggest much in the way of foot movement though, likewise Root. And Cook’s nickname, Chef, is up there for absolute awfulness.
18th over: England 56-1 (Stoneman 3, Root 20) Root looks in control here, comfortably seeing away four dots before easing one to square leg. In commentary, Bumble sings Sweet Caroline. Seriously. What a card.
17th over: England 55-1 (Stoneman 30, Root 19) There’s some kind of sightscreen issue so we pause while that’s resolved and then Stoneman despatches Boult to the fence at fine leg. That’s a nice shot, and two more follow it via open face. I wonder how he’s feeling here: great because he’s batting well, appalling because he’s got so far still to go.
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16th over: England 41-1 (Stoneman 24, Root 19) Stoneman seems to have his eye in against Southee now, or at least has a better sense of when to leave him alone. He plays four dots then miscues a single, looking for mid on and finding mid off, before Root lines right up in defence to block a fuller one.
15th over: England 40-1 (Stoneman 23, Root 19) England are starting to get on top. Yes, I’m playing that for both irony and slapstick. Stoneman gets three through gully, then Root glances four through the same area.
“It’s interesting the levels of opprobrium that have been levelled at the England test team and notably Bayliss,” emails Adam Levine, “for their visible lack of any real passion or shame at the day-one capitulation in this Test and, at the other end of the spectrum, the invective being directed at Australia for their win-at-all-cost attitudes. In the midst of all this everybody seems to have lost sight of the fact that New Zealand is playing the game in the spirit that everybody wants it to be played in and also getting results. I for one am absolutely delighted for New Zealand cricket right now who seem to be a guiding beacon out of the darkness for test cricket in the same way that they have already been for the white-ball game.”
Yes, that’s absolutely fair. They and South Africa seem to have lots of the most likeable players in world cricket, and it’s possible to play hard without being a moron and a boor.
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14th over: England 40-1 (Stoneman 20, Root 14) Southee to continue, though I’d expect to see Wagner soon, whose pace and bounce might disconcert in the half-light. Stoneman is able to let two of the first three balls go by, and then he clips a brace off his toes, which is a weird thing to write if you’ve ever had buck teeth. Anyway, that’s another start for “Rocky”, “Rockz”, “Rockstar”. He really needs to capitalise.
13th over: England 38-1 (Stoneman 18, Root 14) 38 overs left this evening, and Root ticks one off, seeing out a maiden - though the final delivery keep low and skids underneath the bat. Still, he looks in decent touch; he’d better be.
In comes Boult, as the natural light fades. Enjoy!
Anyway, we’re nearly back on in Auckland...
A few more Sutherland quotations:
“Activities on the field yesterday in Cape Town, are neither within the laws of the game or within the spirit of the game.
“For us at Cricket Australia, that is extremely disappointing, but more importantly, for Australian cricket fans, it is extremely disappointing as well.”
“Steve Smith is currently the captain of the Australian team.
“We’re working through a process … once we have got a clearer picture of the facts, then we’ll be able to make further comment.
“I haven’t spoken to Steve Smith … in recent times I’ve had reason to speak to Steve about the team’s behaviour. As I said I have very strong and clear views about the responsibility of the Australian cricket team to play the game in the right spirit. I don’t think anyone will be under anyone illusions in the team as to what think about this.”
James Sutherland has spoken. He doesn’t detail a course of action, but does let us know that he’s had recent words with Smith about the team’s behaviour.
“Cricket is synonymous with fair play,” reckons Malcolm Turnbull. Has he been asleep for the last 200 years?
A question: are we saying that what Smith et al did will turn people away from the game, or towards the game? My guess is the latter.
Athers is typically wise on the matter. He says that it’s level two offence, which says it’s not that big a deal - five run penalty, move on. But he’s not happy with getting a kid involved, and notes that this isn’t a popular Australian team, so perhaps the board will want to make a change.
Bumble thinks Smith should go because he thinks the players are out of control and points out how well Australia reverse-swung the ball during the Ashes.
“Isn’t this whole controversy less about the actual cheating and more about Smith using an inexperienced player to do his dirty work,” emails Russell Kramsey. “It’s poor leadership and he should lose the captaincy.”
Yes, it’s not great, though I’d rather fiddle with a ball than field at silly point. If it’s simply a leadership issue, doesn’t it need to be set against the elements of good leadership with are mitigating?
12th over: England 38-1 (Stoneman 18, Root 14) There’s time for one more over, and Stoneman makes the most of it, pulling a wide one from Southee for four. Because the long break is coming up, and because they’ve barely bowled at all this match, he and Boult will presumably be back after it ... enjoy your tea boys. Anyway, back in the now, Southee bangs one into the pad as Stoneman shuffles across, so appeals – but the ball didn’t swing so pitched outside leg. Southee responds by going around the wicket, and a fuller one is timed down the ground for four more. That’s not a terrible mini-session for England, but these will probably have to bat most of the next one too, with the ball performing, for them to have a shot of saving the match.
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11th over: England 30-1 (Stoneman 10, Root 14) De Grandhomme replaces Boult to bowl New Zealand’s first over not sent down by Boult or Southee. Do they have a portmanteau yet? Southoult? Boulthee? Stoneman bumps a single through cover, and then Root slices a drive away from his body, which dashes for four past gully.
JUST IN
— FOX SPORTS Australia (@FOXSportsAUS) March 25, 2018
The Australian Sports Commission has called for Steve Smith and anyone else involved in the ball tampering incident to stand down.
MORE: https://t.co/1w7jmGJOR6
Are people ever going to grow up?
10th over: England 25-1 (Stoneman 9, Root 10) Let’s be real, the nickname “Rocky” is enough for Stoneman to be given out for a first-ball duck every time. But the gentlemanly Southee has yet to appeal, bounding in once again and squaring him right up with another beauty, coming close to the stumps and swinging in, then moving away off the seam! What a delivery that is! But it goes down in the book as a dot and Stoneman gets down the other end with a single square on the off side. England will be very happy to get to the break, after the next over or the one after that.
9th over: England 24-1 (Stoneman 8, Root 10) Root sees away a maiden from Boult. “As an Irish Cricket fan, should the World Cup have stayed 14-team event or are English and Welsh Cricket fans happy it is now down to 10?” asks Jim Fitz. “What do Scottish players do for the next for years, busk? Regarding Smith, cheating in professional sports is everywhere. If you are not banning them all, why him?”
Only cricket would fail to see the benefits of growing the game. I can’t fathom what a moron you have to be to reduce the World Cup; more of a moron even than to cheat at the aforementioned game in the knowledge that cameras are in place to make sure nothing is missed.
8th over: England 24-1 (Stoneman 8, Root 10) Root twists one off his legs for two as we see a graphic of the highest-scoring Test batsmen; of the top 10, Cook has the lowest average but is the only opener. I imagine we’ll see a few more big scores, but do wonder if the consistency is done. Another single to Root, before Southee beats Stoneman with yet another jaffa, a three-quarter seam ball which swings, then jags across the lefty after pitching. Stoneman plays at it anyway, gets nowhere near, and eventually one of these is going to nail him because he isn’t close to getting a read.
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7th over: England 21-1 (Stoneman 8, Root 7) This is tense, intense stuff, but Stoneman gets minor relief when he ducks a bouncer which lifts and carries on going, earning England four byes. Stoneman then drives through cover and on Root’s instruction pushes through for two.
“I think the whole Smith thing is completely overblown,” tweets Jim. “How many other sports people have cheated recently and got suspended and we await their return? People want Smith gone permanently which is churlish. Little mention of reduced WC Team numbers?”
Yes - the two things aren’t connected, but I agree that priorities need recalibrating.
6th over: England 15-1 (Stoneman 6, Root 7) Jeff Stelling has just exhorted us to give Sky Bet our money because what could be more thrilling, but we should stop when it stops being fun, because that’s how it works. Mensch. Southee draws Stoneman forward, which is what he wants, except he can’t put bat on ball, which scoots inside his drive. He gets off strike next ball though, before Root is beaten again, with fractional away movement off the seam, off a length. Mentally, does he have the moxie to put that away?
5th over: England 14-1 (Stoneman 5, Root 7) I know that New Zealand have S.B. Pressure playing for them, who makes a huge difference, but that isn’t enough to explain why things look so different now that England are batting. Boult and Southee look the two best bowlers on either side at the moment, and coming around the wicket, Boult absolutely diddles Root with one which just in at him off the pitch. Maiden, but there’s carnage in the post.
4th over: England 14-1 (Stoneman 5, Root 7) Another leading edge from Stoneman gets him one, bringing Root onto strike. He plays two dots before Southee tries a bouncer - it’s a goodun, close to the body, so Root chances a pull and a top edge spawns him four. So he rebalances the cosmos shortly afterwards, flowing a drive through cover towards the longest boundary and they run three.
3rd over: England 6-1 (Stoneman 5, Root 0) In commentary they tell us Cook was unlucky but that’s nonsense; it was the opposite. He played at a ball that simply didn’t deserve his attention, evidence of a mind not fully attuned to circumstances. He got precisely what he deserved, and I say that with no schadenfreude whatsoever ... ok, some, but only because that’s what sport is.
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WICKET! Cook c Watling b Boult 2 (England 6-1)
Oh dear oh dear oh dear oh dear. Boult fires an absolute piece of one miles down leg side and Cook can’t help himself but follow it, turning from somewhere about the ankle into Watling’s dive. He is going to give himself a very stern talking to, perhaps even use some naughty words, when he gets into the changing room.
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3rd over: England 6-0 (Cook 0, Stoneman 6) Cook has to face another over of Boult; enjoy! Three dots follow until, offered width, he chops square for 6wo.
2nd over: England 4-0 (Cook 0, Stoneman 4) Southee into Stoneman, who really, really needs a score. He did well to survive the summer, the display of guts now requiring a display of class to back it up. He imparts a leading edge to his second ball, but manages to keep it down, then Williamson, at gully, dives to stop an edge racing to the fence. But he doesn’t miss out next up, thrashing a pull over mid on for four.
While we’re here, my view on the Australia thing: sportsmen have always and will always cheat at sport, because human beings have always cheated at everything. I find it hard to get especially exercised about this one, and found Bancroft’s and Smith’s respective nerdish sanctimony over Bairstow and Rabada more nauseating. Once we’ve all calmed down, I hope we locate perspective.
1st over: England 0-0 (Cook 0, Stoneman 0) I guess we’re beyond the point where we think perhaps Cook will bat for 68 sessions, and Boult emphasises it first up, beating him off theas he can’t get forward. The second ball then keep low ... dearie me, that’s a sonofa, and a bottom edge sends it to the keeper. But the next four deliveries aren’t as venomous, and that’s one over down for England.
Anyway, the players are out, and we’re not far off witching hour when the ball starts acting up. Ahahahaha!
...England, meanwhile, have amends to make. They were a risible disgrace in their first innings, excellently though Boult and Southee bowled. Have their batsmen discerned how to move their feet?
Thanks Tanya and morning/afternoon/evening all. I’m slightly surprised New Zealand have gone on for so long, but I guess 20.4 overs ought to be enough, and if not, 146 overs total certainly should be. The lead is 369, probably not far off 146 overs of batting given the likely pace of things...
43rd over: New Zealand 427-8 (Nicholls 145, Wagner 9) Five off Moeen’s over and now we have the declaration! A standing ovation, which is very much deserved, for Nicholls and his highest Test score And now, I hand you over to my colleague Daniel Harris - thank you very much for keeping me entertained with your emails and enjoy the next session.
42nd over: New Zealand 422-8 (Nicholls 143, Wagner 7) Wagner takes one ball as a sighter and then dispatches Root over long-on for six. The declaration must be nigh.
WICKET! Southee c and b Root 25
Root’s lucky arm does it again, a fairly simple catch.
41st over: New Zealand 409-7 (Nicholls 136, Southee 23) A run-out appeal goes upstairs, but there is not enough evidence to give Nicholls out. Nicholls reverse-sweeps Moeen through Bairstow’s legs for four and the game moves slowly onwards, though without discernible purpose.
40th over: New Zealand 406-7 (Nicholls 136, Southee 23) Root bowls, kind of slow, flattish dollies. Declaration bowling really.
Another nail in the coffin for Smith, this time for Ben Offner. “Smith has to go and to be honest, good riddance. Had enough of their moral superiority over the years and to be honest we still haven’t forgiven them for that underarm incident…
What about these Kiwis though, put aside the first day batting collapse from England, this is a solid batting performance.” It’s been admirable, I agree. Though slightly pointless now? Time to trust the Boult and Southee.
39th over: New Zealand 403-7 (Nicholls 135, Southee 21) 14 off the over: Nicholls sweeps, then drives Woakes through the slips (now forlornly empty), then through backward point. Three boundaries. England are missing Stokes here. So near and yet so far.
38th over: New Zealand 389-7 (Nicholls 122, Southee 20) Now Root tries his arm but honestly this is pretty soporific stuff. A throated appeal, but I’ m not really sure what for.
37th over: New Zealand 388-7 (Nicholls 121, Southee 20) Woakes runs in from the long shadow and Southee tries an extravagant upper-cut but gets nowhere near the ball. A quintet of singles. Lead is now 330.
Thank you Ben Mimmack, who is our club cricket expert for tonight. “On your question as to whether ball tampering happens in club cricket. It didn’t happen when I played it, but then we had problems stopping some of our team from polishing both sides of the ball like it was an apple before throwing it back to the bowler. I may not have played at the highest level.” But Ben, it does sound fun. Egg and cress sandwiches and a viscount biscuit?
36th over: New Zealand 383-7 (Nicholls 118, Southee 18) Overton gets a fingernail on a pull from Southee -a demi-semi chance at deep square leg . Then a mighty fine straight drive down the ground by Nicholls for four. Broad trudges on.
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35th over: New Zealand 373-7 (Nicholls 108, Southee 10) Ok, I think New Zealand are trying to get a move on now: Nicholls gathers a four through fine leg, Southee throws the bat around at Anderson, missing, then collecting .
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34th over: New Zealand 363-7 (Nicholls 108, Southee 8) A lovely four by Nicholls off his pads as Broad wanders a bit off target. It does look nice to be watching cricket over there - lots of cute kids running around and people chilling in deckchairs with barbeques and newspapers and nice drinks and suntans and sundresses and long cool glasses of pims or lemondade with bits of exotic fruit floating next to the ice-cubes..
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33rd over: New Zealand 358-7 (Nicholls 103, Southee 8) It feels a little as if we’re treading water here, waiting for the big reveal in an hour or so when England pull on the gloves. A punch through cover brings Southee three.
The lead is now 300 which is the biggest lead New Zealand have ever had over England in a first innings.
33rd over: New Zealand 354-7 (Nicholls 102, Southee 5) Broad continues. A very tight of tight single leads both batsman and fielder lying flat on the grass, but no wicket. I’m afraid I can’t describe the rest of the over as Sky switched channels and I lost the cricket for a minute.
Sombrero Fallout writes again: “Ironically for a nation that prides itself on straight shooting, the Australian cricket team has turned into the exact opposite. Leadership groups, processes, high performance reviews, chief integrity officers, the whole sorry shebang of modern sporting verbiage. Why not just say it: “Mate, I cheated. Sack me.” Too much to ask?” Well yes, but to be fair, Smith did say he cheated. He just didn’t say sack me.
32nd over: New Zealand 352-7 (Nicholls 101, Southee 4) Anderson is back after a tea-time rub-down and has the ball swinging, which might not exactly thrill the watching English opening batsmen. Southee swings through the line and dispatches an overpitched delivery for four.
More emails on Smith etc
“The saddest thing is it is the best batsman since Bradman at the centre of it,”writes P. “ He will be forever tainted” Well yes, and after that amazing Ashes series.
“Just disappointed” writes Robert Wilson. “Two richly, almostly absurdly gifted cricketers have risked their careers for a degree of advantage that would be more easily achieved by the least part of their talents.” So true. A moment of madness. A lunchtime of madness? More?
And on TMS, Vic Marks: “They got caught, which is rare and Australia are agonising about the sheer stupidity of it, as well as the moral side.” Words of wisdom from Vic as always.
Now the players are back on the field.
TEA (snack? - im still a but unsure): An excellent session there for New Zealand, a fabulous nuggety hundred for Nicholls, who provided the backbone to Williamson’s boom . Atherton says England look “a bit predictable.” with the ball. How long will New Zealand bat on for - till the next break before the lights come on perhaps. Time for a cup of tea.
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31st over: New Zealand 347-7 (Nicholls 100, Southee 0) A maiden for Broad brings up tea. Nicholls walks off to grab his sandwiches looking very happy, over 350 deliveries faced and his second Test match hundred in the bag. Excellent judgement of the ball outside off stump helped him on his way. Well done!
“Hi Tanya,” says Peter Inglesby. “You said you thought most people’s first reaction to the Aussie ball tampering would be “non-gracious schadenfreude”. My first reaction is sadness -- what’s this going to do to the game we love?
But yeah: schadenfreude’s certainly my second reaction!”
Peter, you’re right. Sadness is definitely the lasting emotion, though I think the antics of the Australian side in South Africa, and to some extent during the Ashes, slightly warps initial, perhaps unworthy, thoughts.
I’d be interested to know, having never played it. Does ball tampering happen in club cricket?
30th over: New Zealand 347-7 (Nicholls 100, Southee 0) Oh cricket, how you can delight with your vagaries. Nicholls swipes Moeen down the ground to try to reach his century with a 6 - but the umpires can’t see the ball in the shade so we have to go upstairs. It turns out the ball has fallen a fraction short. But never mind, he comes to an excellent century two balls later. A super little innings, discipled, and classy.
29th over: New Zealand 341-7 (Nicholls 94, Southee 0) Broad greets Southee with a couple of bouncers as a kind of friendly hello, but Southee keeps his counsel and blocks out the four balls he faces in the over.
WICKET! Astle b Broad 18
Astle tries to drive and chops onto his foot and then onto the stump
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28th over: New Zealand 337-6 (Nicholls 94, Astle 14) Astle sweeps Moeen for four and New Zealand build their lead.
27th over: New Zealand 332-6 (Nicholls 94, Astle 9) Nicholls, showing no nerves as he enters the nineties, flicks a beautiful shot off his toes through mid-wicket for four. Next ball Broad picks up the ball on his follow-throw and throws it at Nicholls. Why? Only he knows. He does go up and apologise.
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26th over: New Zealand 326-6 (Nicholls 90, Astle 9) Moeen comes on for his first over of the day, Astle sweeps but an admirable stop at full stretch down by the rope by Chris Woakes stops a boundary.
Robert Wilson writes: “Sport is so cruel. It’s heartbreaking when desperate players, hungry for longed-for success, haunted by their impermanent place in the team and by the fear of failure, of rejection, of penury and...wait... what?...sandpaper...uh...who?....
...yeah, sorry, my mistake, I got nothing.”
Robert you sound hurt/pissed off/angry. But I think maybe the dominant first emotion worldwide is some sort of non-gracious schadenfreude?
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25th over: New Zealand 326-6 (Nicholls 90, Astle 7) England bowlers gather like vultures around the umpires as they complain about the mis-shapen ball. The umpires agree and pour through their bag of tricks to find a like-for-like requirement. The new ball produces but a strangled appeal by Overton against Nicholls and two off the over.
24th over: New Zealand 324-6 (Nicholls 89, Astle 7) Astle finds his feet, driving Woakes behind square to the boundary. I wonder how many New Zealand want - 350? 400?
23rd over: New Zealand 318-6 (Nicholls 88, Astle 2) Nicholls slashes a pretty ordinary delivery from Overton through point to the boundary for four. The pink ball does look beautiful against the lush lush green of the field and is easier these tired 40 plus eyes to spot. 40 minutes till lunch/tea/repas.
23rd over: New Zealand 312-6 (Nicholls 82, Astle 2) A maiden from Woakes, and the game has changed again with the end of de Grandhomme. Astle plays out another over watchfully.
22nd over: New Zealand 312-6 (Nicholls 82, Astle 2) Overton getting some nice swing here and Astle, lunging forward watchfully, plays out the over for just a single.
Gary Naylor has a possible answer to WHY? “Top sports stars spend lifetimes convincing themselves that they can overcome any odds, that “normal” rules don’t apply to them, that they are exceptional. It’s that level of self-belief / arrogance that drives them to the achievements that thrill us - a price we pay for the glory in which we bask. Okay, not all of them “suffer” thus, but enough do (especially under pressure, away from home and out of sight). Perhaps the surprise is that more captains don’t risk it - not that I’m excusing Smith, whose cheating was poor stuff, but whose puppeteering of Bancroft was truly disgraceful.”
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21st over: New Zealand 311-6 (Nicholls 82, Astle 1)
20th over: New Zealand 309-6 (Nicholls 81, Astle 0) A neat little innings there from de Grandhomme, who upped the tempo when he had to and did what was asked of him. He also provided a timely fillip for the watching crowd.
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WICKET! Colin de Grandhomme c Bairstow b Overton 29
de Grandhomme tries to pull another one out of the ground, edges, and Bairstow takes a fine catch high above his head
19th over: New Zealand 307-5 (Nicholls 80, de Grandhomme 29) Does de Grandhomme remind anyone of Lance Klusener? Not in the way he looks, but his kind of muscular straightforwardness?He whallops Woakes for four through the covers, then there is a big appeal for lbw from behind the stumps but the umpire shows no interest and of course England have no reviews left. De Grandhomme rubs salt in the wound with a rasping cut for four next ball.
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18th over: New Zealand 299-5 (Nicholls 80, de Grandhomme 21) Nicholls twists and gloves the ball down to the long-leg boundary for four.
“Hello Tanya,” says Andrew Benton.”How, with TV cameras following everything, did they think they could not get spotted?” Well this is what I don’t understand Andrew. They’re not stupid, they’ve been coached to within an inch of their lives about the media, and it might not even work. Why risk it?
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17th over: New Zealand 292-5 (Nicholls 75, de Grandhomme 19) A run for de Grandhomme but Nicholls, who may turn out to be a zen master, drops the hands and ignores Woakes’ entrities to have a go.
And it is drinks. A tight first half session on a pitch that seems increasingly tricky to score quickly on. England have bowled economically and tightly but New Zealand have shown more discipline in reigning in their attacking instincts.
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16th over: New Zealand 291-5 (Nicholls 75, de Grandhomme 18) A couple of boundaries, driving and pulling from Nicholls off Overton, as New Zealand up the ante.
Apparently the email link doesn’t work try: tanya.aldred.freelance@theguardian.com
15th over: New Zealand 283-5 (Nicholls 67, de Grandhomme 18) de Grandhomme hits eight off the over and survives an appeal for a caught behind. The umpire shakes his head, England don’t have don’t have a review left, Woakes looks as if someone has stolen the penguin out of his packed lunch and hot spot suggests an inside edge
14th over: New Zealand 275-5 (Nicholls 67, de Grandhomme 10) Overton for Broad, and a pretty good first over. He beats Nicholls three times in a row before Nicholls pulls a shorter one for a couple and then drives nicely only to be stopped well by a diving Stokes.
TMS report that Simon Katich says that Cricket Australia should sack Smith, Warner and Lehman. This is an almighty stew.
13th over: New Zealand 273-5 (Nicholls 65, de Grandhomme 10) Whoosh! de Grandhomme pulls Woakes high into the top tier of the West Stand (which incidentally is pretty empty) for six.
12th over: New Zealand 266-5 (Nicholls 64, de Grandhomme 4) De Grandhomme considers taking a swipe at Broad ... but thinks better of it at the last minute. The next ball is shorter and de GH carves him through the covers for four. Get the feeling things will move more quickly now de Grandhomme is in.
Meanwhile Sombrero Fallout writes with an fascinating take from Down Under: “Interesting reaction in Australia to the Smith affair. Universal condemnation from ex-players and commentators, but also the general public. Living here has shown me that the core reason Australians find football, for example, hard to embrace is because it involves subterfuge in ‘conning’ the referee into decisions. Smith’s actions strike hard at the identity of not just their cricket team, but also their national identity. They believe fairness separates Australia from the rest of the world. In short, sledge all you like, but never ever cheat. So it’s hard to see Smith surviving this.”
11th over: New Zealand 260-5 (Nicholls 63, de Grandhomme 0) A bowling switch - Woakes for Anderson - but not much change to the tempo of a steady morning. de Grandhomme practises his leave with great aplomb to his first four deliveries.
11th over: New Zealand 260-5 (Nicholls 61, de Grandhomme 0) Just reward for Broad, who has bowled his heart out this morning. The wicket may have come from the worst ball of the over, but hey, England will take it. Intelligent cricket.
WICKET! Watling c Bairstow b Broad 31
Watling edges one of Broad’s wider ones, after an over of temptation
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10th over: New Zealand 291-4 (Watling 31, Nicholls 61) At last Anderson leaks a few runs - 8 from the over as Watling nurdles a couple and then drives through gully to the boundary. The fifty partnership is up off 124 balls.
9th over: New Zealand 251-4 (Watling 23, Nicholls 61) An excellent maiden from Stuart Broad who is trying all the tricks in the book. Good length, angling the ball away and then again, closer to the stumps. Nicholls watches and doesn’t over commit, a wonderful example of self-restraint.
8th over: New Zealand 251-4 (Watling 23, Nicholls 61) And yet another maiden from Anderson.
And yet another email about Smith. This time from Tom Jenkins. “Why are we all letting Steve Smith set the narrative? This shouldn’t be about whether or not he continues as captain. This should be about whether or not he continues at all. As far as I’m concerned what he’s admitted to is a far greater sporting crime than the one for which Asif, Butt, and Amir all got bans. Spot-fixing has a negligible impact on the outcome of games; this was cheating designed to swing a series. Let the courts decide the punishments for illegal acts. Let the cricketing authorities punish sporting crimes. What’s good for Pakistani cheats should be good for Aussie cheats.” Thoughts?
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7th over: New Zealand 251-4 (Watling 23, Nicholls 61) Well that was eventful. Broad, whose radar is slightly wonky, is driven beautifully down the ground by Nicholls, he thinks about having a nibble at the fifth ball, then Broad tries a bouncer which sails over Jonny Bairstow’s head for four byes.
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6th over: New Zealand 243-4 (Watling 23, Nicholls 57) Another maiden from Anderson and New Zealand’s tortoise-like crawl continues. I suppose they’re banking on not batting again here.
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5th over: New Zealand 243-4 (Watling 23, Nicholls 57) Thank you David Sloan for pointing out that I had England batting - the error of cutting and pasting. Sorry for the confusion everyone.
4th over: New Zealand 234-4 (Watling 18, Nicholls 57) More self-discipline from New Zealand until the fifth ball which is a four! Nicholls slaps square to the boundary before returning to type for the last delivery.
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3rd over: New Zealand 234-4 (Watling 18, Nicholls 53) Another smart over by Broad, England are pegging back New Zealand here, who will surely want to start scoring more quickly this session.
Nervopus writes: “Surely all we need for the winners at any cost to toe the line is a clause whereby whenever they are caught cheating they are put on the first plane home, all tickets refunded. Not many countries will fancy hosting them then. Perhaps they will create a sport called Australian Cricket.”
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2nd over: New Zealand 233-4 (Watling 18, Nicholls 52) Anderson varies the length from good to shorter and Watlling looks, and waits, and watches and it is another maiden.
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1st over: New Zealand 233-4 (Watling 18, Nicholls 52) A maiden for Stuart Broad as Nicholls employs watchful waiting for the first over of the day. There’s a bright blue sky and the Barmy Army burst into their first rendition of Jerusalem.
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Anyway, over in Auckland, its a lovely sunny day and Broad is to bowl the first over of the day
No support at all for Steve Smith from any former players on Sky. Rob Key has had enough of him, Lloyd would sack him. Nobody seems to buy the line that Darren Lehman was ignorant of what was going on.
“A total disregard for the game,” says David Lloyd. “They(Australia) seem totally out of control with no leadership of captaincy, coach, or chief executive.”
Sky go live, and straight to Cape Town where we are treated to slow-mo images of Bancroft shoving sandpaper down his trousers and Smith and Bancroft looking full of contrition at the got ya! press conference. “I think Steve Smith is in trouble,” says Athers.
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Preamble
Hello and welcome (almost) to British Summer Time and the fourth day, of sorts, of the first Test – though the truncated second and third days consisted only of 26 overs.
Just 17 balls were possible yesterday but England remain shin-deep in trouble, New Zealand leading by 171 runs with six wickets in hand and a fine weather forecast for the next two days.
Play is due to start at midnight, before we all lose an hour and New Zealand don’t - unfortunately for Trevor Bayliss. Things are not looking fabulous for him right now, unless the players can scythe themselves out of the concrete shod that was applied just before play on the first day.
Since 2011 only Australia and South Africa have won a Test series in New Zealand. England are unlikely to be joining them – though they are keen to avoid adding to their nasty overseas record of 9 defeats in the last 11 matches. Good luck with that.
But whatever trouble England find themselves in, at least they haven’t been caught stuffing yellow bits of tape down their trousers in an attempt to hide the evidence from the headteacher. That sort of thing was NOT A GOOD IDEA even as far back as 1994 when Mike Atherton found some dirt in his pocket and South Africa were also the opponents. Did Steve Smith and Cameron Bancroft forget that the game was being televised? For money. With lots of cameras. Everywhere. Looking, looking, looking for a story.
Anyway, to the cricket.
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Tanya will be with you shortly.
