It’s another day, and another kick in the teeth for fans of the New York Mets.
After riding high in April, the Mets have been shot down in May and June while their morose lineup continues to drag the team into an offensive abyss. Their injury-depleted roster, one loaded with rookies, has scored just 11 runs in their previous eight games, sending their fans to the talk radio airwaves in a panic, demanding that something, anything, be done by their general manager Sandy Alderson, in order to save a season that once looked incredibly promising after a blistering 14-4 start.
Now comes even worse news for their beleaguered supporters: their grammar stinks. In fact, it’s the worst in Major League Baseball. Grammarly, the “world’s leading automated proofreader” recently put baseball fans to the test, unleashing algorithms to analyze 150 fan comments (of 50 words or more) across the 30 official team sites of Major League Baseball. Mets fans committed 13.9 errors per 100 words – that makes their defensively challenged shortstop, Wilmer Flores, look like a gold glover!
That Mets fans would finish rock bottom of MLG – that’s Major League Grammar – makes a ton of sense when you consider that a decent-sized chunk of their base is descended from Brooklyn Dodgers fans, a group that held their very own dialect of “Brooklynese” close to their hearts. Citi Field is a replica of the Dodgers’ old Ebbets Field, and there’s plenty of Mets history tied up in the borough where road signs greet visitors with their unofficial catchphrase “fuhgeddaboudit” – that’s enough to blowup Grammarly’s servers on its own.
It’s a place where dere’s cars parked unner da Gowanus ‘Spressway, and they dine on lettuce and tomaynaze on dark wunner. Oh my Gawd! No wonder Mets fans have fallen to such lows.
The Cleveland Indians, a cursed franchise playing inside a cursed city, haven’t won a World Series since 1948, but their fans can stand proud knowing they committed just 3.6 errors per 100 words, although I’m guessing they’d prefer a place in the payoffs if they had to choose between the honors.
Meanwhile, grammar nerds have been debating the apostrophe in the Oakland A’s nickname for years. The extra grammatical attention hovering around their franchise failed to help their fans, who finished in 24th place.
As for Mets fans, at least when it comes to grammar, it’s wait wait ‘til next year. Ya Gotta Believe they can turn it around in 2016.
