People talk a lot about returning to work after maternity leave. What they don’t talk about as much is staying at work.
The first few weeks can be a mixed bag. On one hand you have the novelty of ‘me time’ on the commute, having grown up conversations and flexing your mind muscles in an old-but-good way. On the other, you have the emotional anxiety of leaving your newborn – no doubt in someone else’s safe hands but that handover is never easy. Everyone references the ‘wrench’ – from Hilary Clinton to Sheryl Sandberg.
But before you know it, a few months have past. You’ve regained memory of what you did and your confidence is on the rise, and – frankly – the 24/7 whirl of juggling your job and your role at home keeps you so busy you have no time to reflect on how it’s all going.
Eventually, the adrenaline will slow. Maybe the end of a project, change in client – or you simply find yourself so exhausted your resolve starts to wobble and you find yourself asking the question “is this worth it?”
My own moment was caused by a mix of things – losing a pitch, a rude client, a sunny day and a WhatsApp message of my two boys climbing logs at Kew Gardens. All of a sudden, ambition went out of the open window and I wanted to run from the office.
75% of mums know someone who has left their job because of the pressures of being a parent. It’s important to follow your instincts on this, but here are six components I think are needed to make your return to work a success.
1 Motivating work
Pre-children, I would have embraced almost any work challenge and tackled topics from sub-prime mortgages and slimming products to cosmetic surgery. Now – for me to stick with it – the work needs to make an impact, be meaningful and, on some level, a force for good.
2 Reward that adds up
I know many mums who have struggled to break even once the costs of childcare and commute have been paid. Even taking a short-term view, not many people will want to work for free for very long and whatever your ‘set-up’, it needs to make financial sense too.
3 Flexibility
This comes in many guises, but the fact is, if you don’t have flexibility you will fall at the first hurdle. Whether that comes in the guise of an overrunning meeting, a doctor’s appointment or finding a moment to exercise. There is no doubt that working parents have more to fit into their schedule and to achieve this, there has to be some wiggle room regarding working hours. The best thing about the iris parenting package is the five emergency days (not holiday) for childcare crises. This, plus a bit of flex about the hours you’re in the office, makes all the difference.
4 Support system
I’m lucky to have a husband who shares the load 50/50, but everyone needs a support system in place – it could be a grandparent, neighbour, or NCT gang. There will be times you can’t be somewhere, do something, and you need a plan B, near to home, which can actioned in super speed.
5 Empathetic boss
A lot of people return to work with a plan to continue as if nothing in their life has changed. This is often driven by a boss who lacks empathy with their new situation – so they feel they need to hide it. This leads to no end of stress and whilst I don’t believe working parents should have special treatment, a level of professional empathy makes life a lot easier during a period of plenty of challenge.
6 Time to recharge
I start to fall apart if I go too many days without seeing my sons. This can be tricky in the weeks before a pitch or on business trips. My solution is planning time after a period of intensity to recalibrate in parent (not work) mode. If you don’t have ‘lieu’ time, plan an extra day of holiday to recharge. And plan your holidays to divide the year.
Get these six things in place and the wobbles will feel more like tremors than earthquakes and life will continue, and get easier in time.
Amy Bryson is the board director at iris Worldwide
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