Is there a new late entry in the race to succeed David Attenborough’s TV natural history crown? Chris Packham, with an approach that cleverly manages to be both serious and a bit rock’n’roll (I’m a fan) must have thought he had it in the bag. But suddenly, doing a Jeremy Corbyn on him, here’s Julian Clary. (Not that they – Julian and Jeremy – have a great deal in common, personality-wise.) So Julian’s on the wrong channel, for now, but that can change, he can simply defect.
Nature Nuts with Julian Clary (ITV, Sunday) is as much about the nuts as it is about the nature, the human enthusiasts as much as the animals. That’s OK with me; people are probably better entertainment in the long run. And, more than either, it’s about Julian Clary. Also fine by me; he’s an especially entertaining person.
He’s in the grey north here to visit grey seals, which involves going on a boat. “Ooh, it’s full of northern men,” he says, thrilled. “Who’s that man there?” That man is William, the main seal man, Ben tells him. “Hello William, yoo-hoo,” Julian hails. “Can you squeeze me in?” Of course he can. No seamen gag, though? You disappoint me Julian ... no, don’t worry, he squeezes one of those in later.
They chug out to the seal grounds, with Julian gently teasing Ben and William and – slightly less gently – his own film crew. They all love it, of course. That’s quite a talent: pleasure-mockery. The seals aren’t exempt from Julian’s tongue, and they seem to love it – and him – too.
The innuendo comes thick and fast (comes thick and fast!). “Ben assures me inflating my ring is unnecessary on this occasion.” “Who’d have thought, a chocolate finger at this time.” “When seals go down they can hold their breath for 20 minutes – we have so much in common ...” It’s Carry On Nature, and it’s relentless. Stop it Julian, I don’t think I can take any more.
But then, just at that point (when you think you can’t take any more), he says something that isn’t dripping (dripping!) with smut. “It’s an amazing world under there,” he gasps after his seal snorkel. “They’re so playful, they’re so elegant and funny.” It’s genuine enthusiasm for nature, he can’t hide it, it’s there in his eyes, and it’s lovely. And again, with Dave and his tawny owls in Cheshire. And with Hazel the dormouse fan in Kent. Aw, isn’t that – a sleepy dormouse – the darlingest thing?
To be honest, I don’t think Chris Packham needs to worry or look over his shoulder too much; JC probably doesn’t have the seriousness or expertise to be a proper threat. He does have the laughs and the lines, though. My favourite – a willow tree described as “the Magaluf of the owl world”. And the lesbian bats. Oh, and he’s not just a voyeur, or a gusher. He comes bearing gifts – camera equipment, experts from London. Julian Clary is the nuts’ fairy godmother, too. Gorgeous.
Keep it in the Family (ITV, Saturday) is back for a second series. No, nothing to do with incest, Julian, but a family game show that feels like it belongs in the 1970s or 80s. It’s The Generation Game, Sale of the (last) Century and Telly Addicts, with a hint of Child’s Play (remember, people had to work out what children were attempting to describe, although in KIITF it’s grannies doing the describing). In the Bruce Forsyth/Nicholas Parsons/Noel Edmonds/Michael Aspel role (ie presenting) is Bradley Walsh, a man who perhaps also belongs in the 70s and 80s.
So, there’s nothing original or new about it. Two families – the Robinsons and the Downies – go head to head, dancing in the dark, answering questions about adverts (they’re essentially being examined on how much commercial TV they watch), figuring out what the grannies are on about. There’s an element of variety about it, too, with a Ukrainian dance act and some kids doing a scene from a musical. And they win prizes, such as tickets to events, stuff for the house, holidays, a family car if they’re lucky. See? I’m suddenly in my childhood.
What’s wrong with a bit of retro, nostalgic family viewing on a Saturday night? It’s fun, like finding a forgotten fondue set and firing it up. Plus, the Robinsons and the Downies are all lovely. And they get to drop celebrities – people from other TV shows – through trapdoors. Which is the best thing you can do with celebrities.
