We know the Ambridge MP is Francis Winterbury because Lynda sometimes sends him pointed postcards, as one might poke a sleeping sheep with a stick. We see him as an affable old buffer in chukka boots, but we never actually see him. Even when Ambridge was under water and Lynda’s dog, Scruff, was swept away on the torrent (so was Freda Fry, but we miss Scruff more), Winterbury failed to show up in a dinghy dispensing tomato soup, and he is making no attempt to butter up the electorate even now. There are politicians who would kill for a constituency like that.
However, Shula’s old lover Dr Locke has reappeared after 17 years away. He went to Manchester with a broken heart, but seems OK now. Everyone remembers the affair vividly (not a lot happens in Ambridge apart from fire and flood), but, personally, I tend to confuse him with Dr Simon Locke, a Canadian soap of the early 1970s that was so dire that the star left after one series saying no jury in the land would convict him.
Ambridge is drying out nicely now. Indeed, according to Adam, it is too dry (“Look at it! Just dust!”). The Grapes of Wrath was mentioned. A farmer is rarely 100% happy. As AP Herbert noted: “He carries his heart in his boots. For either the rain is destroying his grain or the drought is destroying his roots.” Herbert was, among other things, an excellent MP. I bet he’d have turned up with tomato soup.
I am touched by the interest BBC announcers take in The Archers. It’s just lovely to think they care. They seem to listen intently and, after the merry strains of Barwick Green have died away, they often add their own astute gloss on events. For instance, after Rob has reluctantly taken a paternity test: “Now place your bets!” Or after Brian has complimented Lilian on her Botox: “That’s put a smile on her face – it is a smile, isn’t it?” Or when Rob is caught out in yet another serpentine scheme: “I just know he wears a cloak with a red lining.”
And perhaps my personal favourite, when Adam, Ambridge’s premier gay person, is torn between two lovers: “Adam doesn’t know which way to turn.”
• A month in Ambridge returns on 19 May.
