“Too much of water hast thou, poor Ophelia”
Freda Fry was one of The Archers’ famous silent characters. These are the spear-carriers of Ambridge. Like extras, they are speechless, unsung and save the BBC a great deal of money. There was a time when Freda attracted the admiration of Nathan Booth, another totally silent character. It was a disturbing little idyll. You never knew what they were up to.
This month, Freda was swept away in the Great Ambridge Flood (as was Scruff, Lynda’s wayward mongrel), presumably because she did not speak when speech was demonstrably called for. I heard a whimper as the waves closed over her but, of course, that may have been Scruff. I feel strongly that it is incumbent on all of us, however tongue-tied, to learn the local word for “Help!” I, for instance, can say: “Help! It’s a lion!” in Italian, which may well prove useful one day. Probably in the Coliseum.
These are the times that try men’s souls. Young Pip turned up trumps (“Pass me the wrench!”), the vicar was a tower of strength (“We have plenty of candles!”), Adam and Charlie had a tender moment down a drain (“Reach my hand! I’m not going to leave you!”) and Roy, seizing time by the forelock, coaxed the lady of the manor into taking her clothes off again (“Elizabeth, you are soaking!”).
The Am has now receded somewhat sheepishly, leaving Ambridge like Tony Hancock’s bitter description of a Blackpool audience: “Sitting there steaming at you in their plastic macs.” Kenton Archer is steaming more than most, having discovered that David is not selling the family farm so he is not in line for a slice of seven million quid after all. Like Scruff, he seems unlikely to rise above it. The Wrath of Kenton may well develop into one of those Archer grudges that go on and on like Duracell. It took Elizabeth a year to forgive David for letting Nigel fall off the roof.
At Freda’s funeral this week, Bert said she had a smashing sense of humour which astonished everyone. In this Freda resembles the Queen, another famous silent character, whom friends insist is hilarious in private. Though you find it hard to put your finger on it.
• A month in Ambridge returns on 22 April.
