Loose Women star Nadia Sawahla opened up on Sunday about the "compromise" she had to make in her marriage to husband Mark Adderley.
In a tearful video posted on social media, Nadia, 56, fooled her followers as she pretended to weep: "It's what a good marriage is about, isn't it? It's about compromise, so I've said that... I don't even know how to say it."
She continued: "It just goes against everything that I am."
Former EastEnders star Nadia then revealed she had "agreed to watch the football", adding: "I f***ing hate football," and bursting into laughter.
She captioned the spoof video: "SORRY for crying and swearing. I'm distraught, how will I get through it? I NEED your support."
Though the post was in jest, Nadia has been searingly honest about the realities of marriage, having tied the knot with Mark in 2002.
She has revealed in the past that she and television producer Mark have seen three marriage counsellors, and would have split up otherwise.
"Being in an unhappy marriage effects everything and effects everyone else around you," she said on Loose Women.
"We wouldn’t still be together if we hadn’t gone to a marriage counsellor."
Nadia also recognised that it would have been a "very different life" for their daughters had they divorced.
Mark and Nadia share Kiki-Bee, 13, and Maddy, 18, and have been homeschooling them for years, even writing a book on the topic, after the girls struggled with bullying and anxiety at school.
Nadia says their daughters are now "happy and confident" since being educated by their parents in their sprawling London home.
They also host YouTube podcast How To Stay Married (So Far), where they discuss their relationship and how they make it work.
In June, Nadia posted a series of photographs to celebrate her 19th anniversary with Mark, writing alongside the lengthy post: "Nineteen years married today.
"We almost didn’t make it. Too often when people post about their relationships on here it can all be a bit hearts and flowers and that can be so damn intimidating and depressing for those that might be struggling with their own relationship," Nadia continued.
Speaking about the time Nadia met Mark, she wrote: "At the time we were both so unhappy for very different reasons .
We were self medicating our feelings with bottles of booze and crazy behaviours .
"It’s a miracle we didn’t both snuff it in those first few months ( we used to lie in the road blind drunk to ‘see what would happen ‘ FFS ) ... The first few years of our marriage were really really tough . If I’m honest we were f**king miserable a lot of the time ."
Nadia added that she and Mark realised they would need to work at staying together in their "beautiful disaster" marriage, because they would be "miserable as sin" if they broke up.
"I don’t care what anyone says , a lasting relationship takes conscious effort .. And we have actually worked our a***s off to keep this relationship alive and fizzing," she wrote.
"Couples counselling , staying when we’ve wanted to leave , listening when we’ve not wanted to , compromising when we’d rather have died !
"And here we are 19 years on off the back of a very challenging ,frightening few weeks . And I love Mark more than I ever have ."
Nadia went on to call Mark "gorgeous", "supportive," "smart," "talented," and "bonkers".
"My life would have been a car crash without you . Everyone thinks I saved you , but we saved each other my darling . Love you till the day I die .
"Thank you ..for being exactly the way you are .. I wouldn’t change a thing . except the farting .. maybe ...," she joked.
Last year, Nadia claimed that if she had not got pregnant in 2002 she and her husband would be dead from alcohol abuse.
Nadia also spoke openly about Mark's previous alcohol addiction that led to him entering rehab after drink-driving 17 years ago, and his depression diagnosis in 2016, which he said was "a relief".
Mark has been sober ever since after he receiving treatment at The Priory when their first daughter was very young, and has said he would be dead otherwise.
Nadia, who also cut down on her own drinking, though she is not an alcoholic, told OK! : " I realised around Maddie’s first birthday that Mark was an alcoholic.
"None of his friends or family realised. It was a shock when he went to rehab. He was a high-functioning alcoholic.
"People would go home and he would carry on drinking. I’d go to sleep and he’d still be going.
"Once I realised, I made it clear that he had to change and he went to rehab. He hasn’t touched a drop in 16 years."
Mark added: "I actually don’t miss alcohol. I was self-medicating. Alcohol hid the sadness I was feeling underneath.
"Once I stopped drinking, I realised I still felt sad."
Nadia has credited getting pregnant with helping realise she needed to make a change in her lifestyle.
She told Mark on their podcast: "Getting together with you and getting pregnant made me go: 'Jesus Christ, all that’s gone before has to go'.
"I was such a different person since being pregnant with Maddie, and I think that was the beginning of us saving our lives.
"We probably would have died. We would have gone crazy on the alcohol."
In 2020, Nadia asked Mark on their podcast if he would renew his vows with her, and they planned to have the ceremony in Greece, but Covid scuppered their plans.
Instead, Nadia has said she would like to do it in Cornwall, because it's a "special place" to them as it is where they first began dating.
"We love it there, it's where we want to be buried," she said.
Mark is Nadia's second husband, as she was previously married to Justin Mildwater from 1992-1997, and he sadly took his own life months after their split.
Nadia said she was "emotionally and physically unwell" and "hadn’t been dealing with grief" when she met Mark.
"There was a lot of drink and a lot of late nights," she said on her podcast.
Nadia was also in a relationship with her EastEnders co star Marc Bannerman, who played Gianni di Marco from 1998 to 2000, opposite her character Annie Palmer.
Annie and Gianni were together on screen and off, as the characters had a brief romance in Walford, but were together for three years in real life.
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