Dear Coleen
I’m a married woman in my early 30s with two young children. I fell out with my younger sister about six years ago after she slept with my long-term boyfriend, destroyed my relationship and basically ruined my life.
Obviously, he was to blame too, but I couldn’t get over my sister’s deceit and disloyalty – blood is thicker than water and all that.
My parents were very sympathetic and supportive of me and extremely angry with my sister, but of course they love her and are still close to her.
Needless to say her relationship with my ex didn’t last long. Unlike my parents, I’ve barely spoken to my sister since it all happened. She lives 70 miles away, so there’s no chance of bumping into her and we visit the family at different times.
Over the years, my parents have tried to be peacemakers and get us together. But I haven’t been able to do it and have missed events like my cousin’s wedding and my mum’s 60th birthday, and I didn’t invite her to my own wedding.
Now my sister has written to me, apologising again and begging to see my children, who have only met her a couple of times when they’ve been staying with my parents.
I don’t think she deserves it, but I’d love your opinion.
What advice would you give to this reader? Have your say in the comment section
Coleen says
I can empathise with you, as I had a similar situation with one of my sisters and a boyfriend many years ago. At the time I decided he wasn’t worth me losing my sister over, so I didn’t. For me that was the right decision. I lived with this guy, then he lived with my sister for two years, but when they split up, I let her cry on my shoulder. I’d moved on and met someone else and I didn’t care any more.
I think your ex may have gone off with someone else if your sister hadn’t been there. The important thing is, you’re married to someone else, you have children and you’re happy. Your ex is out of the picture and has moved on, yet his legacy is this horrible rift between you and your sister. My opinion is, don’t let the rot go on for ever. Try to build bridges.
She knows how upset you were and that she made a really bad choice, and I’m sure she’s learned from it. And think how nice it would be for your parents if on special occasions you could be in the same room together.
I think holding on to this grudge is stopping you from fully embracing your life because you still can’t let go of the pain and anger. And that can be very destructive.
The person it’s affecting most is you, especially as you’re missing out on important family events.
You have an opportunity now, so why not give it a chance?
