Dear Coleen,
My wife regularly takes my son for playdates at his friend’s house. She’s been very upfront that she “loves” this kid’s dad and thinks he’s a great laugh, and she often stays to have a coffee.
Whenever I’ve suggested I drop our son off she insists she does it and that it’s no trouble.
This guy has a wife, although I know she often works late shifts.
I don’t know whether I’m being paranoid, but I have this feeling there’s something going on or at least my wife fancies this guy.
It’s happening so often now, I think I’ll have to say something. I’d love your take on this.
Coleen says,
Well, I don’t think you should ever ignore instinct or intuition, but you don’t have any evidence something is going on.
Obviously, the kids are at the house, too, but then it’s not unknown for cheaters to meet up in plain sight, so everything appears normal!
Look, I don’t want to put more ideas into your head – maybe she just gets on really well with this guy or maybe there’s more to it, like an emotional affair or infatuation. The fact is, she’s spending quite a lot of time with him when she could be doing something nice with you – there’s no reason for her to stay for the playdate.
In fact, when my kids were young, most of the mums I knew looked at playdates as free childcare and a chance to have some time off!
You have these feelings, so you can’t ignore them. Don’t accuse your wife of anything you have no evidence of, but just tell her you’d rather she dropped your son off and came home so you could spend time together.
Be honest, that it’s making you feel like she’s more interested in this guy than she is in you. And make her think about how she’d feel if the shoe was on the other foot and you were spending loads of time in the evenings with a hot mum.
