Computer technology and I have not always been friends.
For decades, tech and I have been in a rocky work relationship that has swung wildly from deep distrust to grudging respect.
It all kicked off when I bought a one-way ticket to print journalism in the late '80s. Since then, it's been a wild ride on the technology bus.
Page layout was king when I set out on the road. It was also a royal pain in the backside trying to perfect each new production system that seemed to arrive like clockwork every few years. To today's kids, this might seem a slow turnover, but you had to be able to not only work out a new system, you had to work it out quickly.
The old print deadline regime was no place for a slow operator. Both the journalist and the technology bus had to be running well and on time.
For someone like me, who wasn't tech savvy, this was sometimes a struggle. But, I had no choice. I had to get across it.
It didn't matter how good the stories were, if you couldn't get them packed onto the technology bus by deadline, they weren't going anywhere.
Consequently, when the wheels fell off the bus, it was the pits.
When the tech express blew a gasket everything ground to a halt.
To make the wait worse, you knew that when the bus decided to kick in again, everyone was going to have to pedal like a demon to get the edition back on track.
But, for me, the devil's in the technological detail.
It's always been those extra bits of communication paraphernalia that has brought me undone.
For example, take the handy chat/message systems.
These are great for sending quick instructions across a large office.
Where they can trip you up is when you send sly comments to workmates.
I moved like a ninja. I think I even jumped a few desks.
Once upon a time, in a newsroom far, far away, I was fed up with a section head's pompous tone.
After a particularly heated public discussion with him about a story's placement, I was dismissed with an order to shut up and shove it where he said.
End of discussion.
No, it wasn't. I returned to my desk and messaged my office partner in crime.
I wrote "Dear god, it's like talking to the sergeant-major from It Ain't Half Hot Mum" (for those who have no idea what this is, Google 'golden age of English comedy').
I sniggered and hit "send".
Except, I inadvertently sent it to the sergeant-major.
From my desk I could see my glowing character assessment flashing on his screen.
I panicked, but pulled it together enough to realise Sarg wasn't at his desk.
I moved like a ninja. I think I even jumped a few desks.
I made it, and deleted the message just as Sarg rounded the corner.
I cut him off at the pass with "Sorry Sarg, you just had that story on the screen and I had to save it".
He nodded imperiously. I saluted.
Mission accomplished.
So, you can't let your guard down when dealing with seemingly friendly technology.
With many people working from home, this advice is timely.
Last week I logged on for a conference call. Proceedings were well under way when, like a neurotic movie director, I checked the screen to see how my "shot" was framed.
It looked OK, except there was not one, but two, red wine bottles (one might have been empty) in the frame.
My professionalism kicked in, and, like Stephen Spielberg, I slowly moved my laptop so the background bottles slid out of view. I panned right and the booze exited, stage left.
Like a reasonably priced cheeky red, it was pretty smooth.
Anyway, no one will ever know.
So, can I truly be friends with technology? That's a big ask.
I'm happy with remaining "frenemies".
Therefore, I engage with it when I need to, have a laugh with it when I want to, but never completely trust it, as it will invariably throw me under the bus.
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