I am the younger of two sisters, both nearing 50. Our parents divorced when we were small, and then our mother made a series of bad decisions. Our childhood home was chaotic as a result, and my sister feels she bore the brunt of it, which is true to some extent. Over the years, she has become rather a bully to our mother. She constantly finds fault with her, badmouths her to others, and harangues her to the point of tears. When I remonstrate, she turns on me. I want to be able to rely on my sister’s support as our mother gets older and frailer, but I worry that the bullying will escalate into something more serious. How can I deal with this?
• When leaving a message on this page, please be sensitive to the fact that you are responding to a real person in the grip of a real-life dilemma, who wrote to Private Lives asking for help, and may well view your comments here. Please consider especially how your words or the tone of your message could be perceived by someone in this situation, and be aware that comments that appear to be disruptive or disrespectful to the individual concerned will be removed.
• If you would like fellow readers to respond to a dilemma of yours, send us an outline of the situation of about 150 words. For advice from Pamela Stephenson Connolly on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your concerns.
• All correspondence should reach us by Wednesday morning. Email: private.lives@theguardian.com (please don’t send attachments).
