My partner of more than 20 years will never, ever apologise. No matter how clear-cut an error they might have made and no matter how damaging the consequences, they will not apologise or make any efforts at all to make amends or defuse the situation. In fact, they are prepared to go to any length to avoid having to admit error. This also has the unfortunate consequence of them never seeming to learn from their mistakes and this, I guess, speaks to the depth to which this inability to apologise is rooted. I don’t actually believe it is malicious but this behaviour does sometimes come across this way.
I have a history of depression and, while I managed to overcome my last bout with the help of counselling and feel like I am much better able to cope with life’s general slings and arrows, my partner’s inability to acknowledge mistakes and learn from them is causing a quite dramatic decline in my health. Each episode of non-apology and its accompanying vicious meltdown, and each repetition of the behaviour that caused the problem in the first place is making me more and more, to be blunt, suicidal. What I would like to know is, is there a way of dealing with a non-apologiser? Some method of neutralising the harm that they do?
• In the UK, the Samaritans can be contacted on 116 123 (calls are free). In the US, the National Suicide Prevention Hotline is 1-800-273-8255. In Australia, the crisis support service Lifeline is on 13 11 14.
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