Dear Coleen, I need advice on how to move on from my ex. We were together for nearly four years and in February we found a place to live together and moved in the following month.
He was fine for the first few days, then things suddenly changed. He came back late one evening, saying he was moving out for a few weeks because his mum didn’t like him living here and that she was depressed.
This was a lie and I know she was very happy for us both. I went to work for a 12-hour shift and, when I came home, all his stuff was gone and I found his keys by the door.
I broke down crying and had no idea what I’d done.
His dad came over to comfort me a couple of days later – apparently my ex told his father I went through his wallet and phone, which wasn’t true.
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It also came out that he’d lied to me, saying his mum had chucked him out and that he’d been sleeping in his car or on his dad’s sofa.
I finally got a call from him a week after he’d left, saying he was sorry and that his head wasn’t in the right place, and that we’d moved in together too quickly, even though we’d discussed it for over a year. His parents were very supportive of me, but I want some answers from him.
The last time we spoke, he told me it was over and he didn’t want to hurt me any more. Our whole relationship seems to have been based on lies – how do I get closure and move on?
Coleen says
When you have been hurt like this it takes time to move on – I’m afraid you just have to go through the painful healing process.
You’ll get there with the help of friends and family and, when you do, you’ll be able to look back and see he wasn’t ready for this commitment and that you had a lucky escape.
I don’t think your entire relationship was based on lies, but I do think he sounds immature and also cowardly – and it sounds as if his parents think this, too.
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He might have realised for a while that he didn’t want to be in the relationship, but couldn’t bring himself to be honest, so made up a load of ridiculous lies as an excuse.
You might never get any answers from him but, on the upside, he’s shown his true colours and at least he moved out quickly, so you didn’t have to put up with months of suffering erratic behaviour.
You will move on from this and find someone who deserves you.
Good luck.
