My partner and I are both in our 30s and have loving and fulfilling sex a few times a week, although he doesn’t come as often as I do. Recently, he told me that he has been having wet dreams for the past year. I wondered if it was maybe stress or hormone related, as he has been pressured at work lately. Is there anything we can do to stop them, as it is upsetting him?
Encourage him to enjoy his nocturnal, unconscious sexuality. It is normal and – to some degree – most people have similar experiences at different points in their lives. It’s never easy to accept that, as creatures with different levels of consciousness, we are mysterious to ourselves. Nocturnal emissions may be more likely to occur when there is less “awake” sexual frequency, and your partner’s work stress could be responsible for the latter.
Maybe his body is de-stressing him, for which he should try to be appreciative, rather than rejecting. Being critical of our own natural bodily or psychological processes isn’t helpful. Far better that we try to simply accept that there are many human functions over which we have little conscious control.
You can help by showing acceptance yourself. But, at some level, people are also strangers to their partners, and he may actually be more worried about his anorgasmia during sex with you than he is letting on. That may be the most important conversation to initiate.
