Dear Coleen, I'd be most grateful to hear your views on my dilemma.
I have been married for 18 months and only found out recently that my wife has been having a lesbian affair with a colleague.
She has admitted to everything, but has told me that she will continue to see her lover.
I do love my wife very much, so what do I do? Do I work through it or call it a day?
Coleen says
Well, this wasn’t what you signed up for when you took your marriage vows only 18 months ago. Only you can decide whether to
stay and work through it and accept this arrangement or whether to leave.
But you have to think about yourself and what this arrangement could do to your self-esteem and long-term happiness. It doesn’t matter whether your wife’s lover is male or female, she’s betrayed you and she’s clearly not committed to your marriage.
What is your view? Have your say in the comment section
Also, she’s not giving you any choice in the matter or even the space to give your opinion – as far as she’s concerned it’s a done deal and she’s not prepared to give up her lover.
She’s not showing you any respect or considering your feelings.
I doubt she would have admitted to it if you hadn’t found out and was hoping to carry on having the best of both worlds.
It’s very hard to walk away from someone you love, but love and respect have to work both ways for a relationship to be successful.
You have to ask yourself if you could really be fine with this arrangement and not sad, resentful, angry and jealous.
I’m not sure many people could be OK with it.
Do what’s right for you and don’t be ashamed to leave the marriage because it’s only 18 months old. If it fails, it’s not down to you – it’s on her. Good luck.
