I’ve just started seeing this guy. We get on really well and have chemistry – but he’s a terrible, terrible kisser. His lips are pursed, not tender, his tongue juts in and out and his nose digs into my face. Should I talk to him about it?
You don’t have to tell him he’s a bad kisser – after all, we can presume he’s been kissing people in this idiosyncratic manner for several years, so others may have enjoyed it. Your best course is to gently let him know his style is not appealing to you, individually, and ask if he would be willing to try other methods. Decide on the three most important changes you would like and ask for those specifically – “Please try relaxing your lips completely and simply brushing mine with them”; “Please don’t use your tongue until I ask for it, then use it slowly and sensually”; and “Can we please try different positions to avoid knocking noses?” Reward him with praise when he gets it right. You will learn a lot about him via his response; if he fails to cooperate or seems unable to comply, you may want to think twice about taking things further. Very often, incompatibility in kissing heralds an incompatibility in the bedroom but, in addition, some people have an inability to be sensually – or even appropriately – tactile. Some have poor proprioception, which can make love-making more difficult. You may find this is the case for your new paramour and, if so, your interest in him may wane.
