A transgender teen has sparked a sensitive debate, after asking his mum to remove a tattoo of his dead name, after transitioning from female to male. The 17-year-old recently announced his transition to his family, who have all offered their support, however his mum has admitted she needs a little bit of time to process everything.
Since coming out, the teen has found himself in a difficult row with his mum, over a large but intricate tattoo she got on her arm shortly after he was born. The tattoo was a birthday gift designed by his older sister, and features his sister’s name and his dead name - the name he went by prior to transitioning to male.
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Taking to Reddit’s AITA forum, the teen wrote: “Obviously, constantly seeing my dead name is kind of triggering to me. Therefore, I told her she needs to remove it.
“She seemed shocked and told me she's too old for longer tattoo sessions. She hasn't gotten a tattoo in years, because of that. She also was diagnosed with depression and such and uses it as an excuse for not having the energy to change it anymore. I don't really believe her, but whatever.”
He went on to say that his mum has been trying to cover the tattoo up with clothing while around him, but he feels it’s “not enough.”
“Just the knowledge that that... name is still there, it haunts me, but she refuses to change it,” he wrote.
“We had a lot of fights because of it, and she said that she is really trying to hide it, but it's a part of her body that she is in love with, because there is so much history and love for her children in that tattoo. I can't really relate, because I don't have any particularly significant tattoos.”
The issue recently came to a head when the teen had family over celebrating his birthday, and the subject of the tattoo came up.
He explained that he had asked his mum to remove the tattoo, but she doesn’t want to. He also explained that his sister doesn’t want her to, because she thinks the end result will look awful and the only way to cover it up would be to make her entire arm black.
On hearing the news, one of their cousins was furious and decided to scream at their mum for being “so unsupportive,” and even accused her of being transphobic.
“I don't believe she is transphobic,” the teen admitted, adding: “Although it was nice to see someone get angry about the tattoo, because my cousin was finally saying some things I was feeling, but I didn't want to put into words.”
Taken aback by the reaction, his mum started having a panic attack before leaving the house, and she is now staying with her dad. The teen’s dad and sister are now really upset with him for upsetting their mum and encouraging the family to gang up on her.
After sharing his story on Reddit, the majority of people who responded were empathetic towards the teen’s feelings about the tattoo, but agreed asking his mum to get rid of it was unfair.
“Aside from the physical pain and the fact that her entire arm would be ugly, I think that asking to change the tattoo is like asking to get rid of all photos before transitioning. If you get triggered just knowing your old name is there, you’re probably going to get triggered by old photos too,” one Reddit user wrote.
“Demanding to get rid of either is like just erasing memories. We are who we are because of our memories. You can't just ask someone to get rid of memories they are so happy and proud of, especially since she's suffering from depression.”
Another added: “I get it, I really do. I've had severe gender dysphoria for longer than you've been alive. And I understand how upsetting seeing the tattoo is.
“The issue here is that you do not get to require another person to get what amounts to a painful semi-medical procedure on THEIR BODY in order to satisfy YOUR personal concerns or issues, no matter how real or serious those may be. You just don't. You do not get to demand that she alter her actual body for you.”
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