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The Guardian - UK
The Guardian - UK
Lifestyle

My mum is buying a home with a new boyfriend – but she barely knows him

Mother with new baby
I’ve just had a baby and a relationship breakup and now my mum is moving away. (Posed by models) Photograph: JGI/Jamie Grill/Getty Images/Blend Images

My mum, recently retired, was dumped by a man last summer after a decade together. She was devastated. In the autumn, she met a man online, and now they are selling their houses and buying a rural idyll 90 miles away from her family. I’ve just had a baby and a relationship breakup. She is the main carer for my sister, and shares caring responsibility for my disabled grandma. She says she will drive down once a week to spend a few hours with us all.

I’ve tried to advise caution. Although her new chap is lovely, solvent and agreeable, she barely knows him and to be throwing her finances (shaky at best) and emotions into a relationship that is only six months old seems to me, and the rest of her friends and family, to be madness.

She won’t take any advice, and is acting as if this is all perfectly normal. I fear she is living in a fantasy that will come crashing down, leaving her miles from support and financially tied to a virtual stranger. Am I to stand by and watch her make a huge mistake, or shall I continue to try to make her see that this may not be a good idea?

When leaving a message on this page, please be sensitive to the fact that you are responding to a real person in the grip of a real-life dilemma, who wrote to Private Lives asking for help, and may well view your comments here. Please consider especially how your words or the tone of your message could be perceived by someone in this situation, and be aware that comments that appear to be disruptive or disrespectful to the individual concerned will be removed.

If you would like fellow readers to respond to a dilemma of yours, send us an outline of the situation of about 150 words. For advice from Pamela Stephenson Connolly on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your concerns.

All correspondence should reach us by Wednesday morning. Email: private.lives@theguardian.com (please don’t send attachments).

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