It has become clear that my mother drinks far too much and does not have it under control. She seems to get drunk pretty much every night (drinking 15 units-plus) and I regularly see her start earlier, drink faster and finish later than anybody else, as well as “needing” a drink by mid-to-late afternoon most days. There are times when I won’t call past 9pm because I know she will be slurring, and maintaining a conversation is hard. The idea that if I had kids, I might not want to leave them with her, is particularly hard.
However, I am not sure she recognises this as a problem. We were always a family where drinking was just something we did. I feel I can see the impact of it on her physical health, mental sharpness and mood, and can’t sit by and condone it any longer. She doesn’t have any other close family left in the country, so it falls to me to talk to her, but I think she might react badly to being told what to do, or just deny things. What can I do? Should I be so frustrated that this has been left to me to deal with?
• When leaving a message on this page, please be sensitive to the fact that you are responding to a real person in the grip of a real-life dilemma, who wrote to Private Lives asking for help, and may well view your comments here. Please consider especially how your words or the tone of your message could be perceived by someone in this situation, and be aware that comments that appear to be disruptive or disrespectful to the individual concerned will be removed.
• If you would like fellow readers to respond to a dilemma of yours, send us an outline of the situation of about 150 words. For advice from Pamela Stephenson Connolly on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your concerns.
• All correspondence should reach us by Wednesday morning. Email: private.lives@theguardian.com (please don’t send attachments).
