My husband and I had the hottest sex life when we started dating. We were in our late 20s and early 30s, but you’d have thought we were teenagers, doing it every day. This continued after we moved in together a year later. I have always had a “try anything once” attitude, and together we were open to exploring anything that brought us pleasure. Because I was almost 34, 18 months into our relationship we decided to stop using birth control and just “see what happens”.
From that point on, the sex became even more passionate and intense, as we envisioned the life we were potentially creating. It was not only hot, but full of excitement and hope. But after numerous negative pregnancy tests and two miscarriages, we reluctantly moved into the world of assisted reproduction.
We went from sort of eyeing the calendar to ensure we had sex when we needed to, to following strict schedules of sex and abstinence regulated by nurses and doctors. Sex was no longer spontaneous and fun, but rather something of a chore. We got to the point where we rarely did it unless it was prescribed. Our sex life was pretty much dead.
Now, almost three years later, we have just completed our second round of IVF and are anxiously awaiting the results. So we are trying to find our sex life again. We are still working on not seeing it as a chore, rediscovering the sexual beings we once were and the pleasure sex brought us, but we’ll find our new rhythm – until a baby disrupts it all over again.
• Each week, a reader tells us about their sex life. Want to share yours? Email sex@theguardian.com
