As a 56-year-old man living in a conservative area of Texas, I would never have predicted the amazing personal growth I have experienced since being introduced to cuddle parties three years ago. These parties are entirely non-sexual events, where participants gather in each other’s homes to cuddle. They’re great because they are intimate, but carry none of the baggage associated with romantic relationships.
Everyone brings “fluff” (such as duvets, pillows and sleeping bags) to pad the floor. Then we hold a 45-minute workshop about boundaries and consent, which includes rules such as, “You are encouraged to change your mind.” I’ve taken these lessons into my sexual life, and they have freed me up to love without expectation. I am no longer afraid to ask for what I want – because I don’t feel rejection when a woman chooses to say no (in fact, at parties, we’re encouraged to respond with, “Thank you for taking care of yourself”).
The cuddling itself is wonderful. Everyone needs physical touch to be healthy, and you see people relax as their brains release oxytocin, sometimes known as the love hormone. Some cry with relief.
Who cuddles whom flows organically, and it’s not just in pairs. People make long lines like spoons nesting in a drawer, and I can find myself cuddling a guy without feeling weird about it.
I met my current primary partner during a cuddle party at my house. Once we started cuddling it felt so good that we never wanted to stop.
• Each week, a reader tells us about their sex life. Want to share yours? Email sex@theguardian.com
Comments on this piece are premoderated to ensure the discussion remains on the topics raised by the article. Please be aware that there may be a short delay in comments appearing on the site.
