I lead a full and active life. I run, play music, love reading, films and writing, have good friends and adore time with my family. Most of the time, I feel reasonably comfortable with my situation and class myself as a normal, down-to-earth bloke. For some reason though, it’s just never really happened with women. As a 46-year-old virgin, I guess I’m not totally normal after all.
I’ve had drunken one-night stands with three women, but every time I fumbled my way through and full intercourse never happened. Even though I fancied them, my fear of intimacy got in the way. I have had other opportunities: two with married women, but I couldn’t see myself having an affair, and one with a woman who offered out of sympathy, which didn’t do much for my confidence. I have even considered sex with a prostitute, but that doesn’t seem right. A couple of times I have visited a Thai massage parlour, just to drift off and enjoy the touch of a woman for an hour.
Socialising can be awkward as a perennially single man, but most people have long given up asking me about my love life. Like most men, I think about sex most days; unlike them, I wonder what full intercourse would feel like.
They say good things come to those who wait, but I do wonder for how long. Even if I meet someone, how am I ever going to explain that I am still a virgin? I worry that it would be doomed from the start and have almost resigned myself to the idea that I might be this way for the rest of my life. I really hope not.
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