When I met my wife, it was clear she didn’t enjoy sex in the way I did. I optimistically believed this would change in time, as we got on so well, and shared interests and values. Life was fun together, and 30 years later, it still is – apart from the area of sex.
She initially convinced me her reduced interest in sex was because we were not married. Once we were, it was because she feared becoming pregnant. When we had two children, she was anxious about them hearing us. Last year, they left home and my wife said, “Perhaps I’ll die first and you can spend the rest of your life with someone who loves shagging.”
She understands sex is important to me, so we make love once a month. She always has an orgasm, and enjoys it once she gets going, but it’s as if there’s a hurdle to overcome. Monthly isn’t enough for my libido, so once a week she brings me to orgasm manually. I masturbate, too, but stay away from pornography; if I start, I am easily addicted and feel sad and empty afterwards.
We have talked about separating, but I have no interest in anyone else, and nor does she. Her lack of engagement with me is not a choice; she feels as driven not to want sex as I am to want it and I don’t blame her for this. We get on too well together to split, and the emotional damage we’d cause our children – and ourselves – would not be worth it. We are both fit, attractive individuals: running keeps my libido dampened, and my wife is often mistaken for a woman in her 30s, so I live in hope that one day she will enjoy sex more, and be keen to make love more often.
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