I was born with a few disabilities, at a time when surgery wasn’t as good as it is today. Some are obvious (spinal curvature, no functioning bladder), others not so; I had no penis to speak of. At puberty, they gave me something approaching a short (under 2in) but functional penis.
At school I was bullied, but not hugely – I avoided confrontation and did my best to be likable. But I never dated for fear of ridicule. My first sexual adventure was as an 18-year-old man with a lovely woman in her 40s. She was shocked when she realised that she had taken my virginity. She was perhaps the safe option: mature, experienced, caring.
Once I had overcome that huge hurdle, I went on to explore with more confidence. Over the next 10 years, I met a handful of women. I learned to be a compassionate and skilful lover, because I had to. I’ve had a few serious relationships and sex was never a problem. In this day and age, when so much importance is placed on genital proportion and physical perfection, I fear some have missed the trick.
I’m settled in what I hope is my last major relationship. She tells me it’s the best sex she’s had. I grew up terrified that I would never have a proper relationship; I’m grateful to have met so many wonderful, non-judgmental women who have shown me my fears were unfounded. It was never about the disabilities, always about the abilities.
I try to make a woman feel loved and wanted, and to take her to the edge and back in ways that someone who hasn’t had those fears growing up might never understand the need for.
• Each week, a reader tells us about their sex life. Want to share yours? Email sex@theguardian.com
