I am 44 and, until last year, had not had sex in 22 years. In my early 20s, I developed concurrent mental health and substance abuse disorders; the medications I was prescribed interfered with my sexual functioning. I had no partners, only a steady diet of pornography.
Since then, I have quit smoking, alcohol, caffeine and illegal substances, and taken up a fitness programme, losing 15kg (35lb).
Last year, I hooked up with a friend and colleague – miraculously ending more than two decades of celibacy. It was a bit like riding a bicycle; you never really forget it once you’ve learned.
The hitch? When I lost my virginity for a second time, I discovered that I no longer enjoyed intercourse. In retrospect, I’ve realised that perhaps I never did.
I find it nearly impossible to achieve orgasm from penetration, and have what is referred to as delayed ejaculation. When I do experience orgasm, it is neither intense nor pleasurable.
Looking back, I have had this problem with every partner, though I’m sure that medication has made it worse.
My colleague was satisfied with me as a lover, and I enjoyed prioritising her pleasure. We had a connection, but our romance ended on good terms when we both decided to move on.
I think sex is important for happiness – so I want to find a way to enjoy intercourse, perhaps through therapy, and to find a partner. I just hope I don’t have to wait another 22 years.
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