I think of myself as fairly kinky, and at the beginning of a relationship I’m very sex-oriented (with my current partner we were having sex multiple times a day in the first few months). However, around the four-month mark, my sex drive seems to disappear. It’s not that I’m not attracted to my partners (men and women of all shapes and sizes), but this happens in every relationship, and I never know how to explain it.
It’s normally triggered by something: for example, if I go away for a week, when I next see them I don’t have the same desire. I’m not repulsed by the intimacy, I just don’t feel as if I’ll get anything out of having sex; it feels like a big hassle and a waste of time and effort. I’ve been dumped as a result and had partners who have tried to emotionally manipulate me into being intimate.
I’m sure my current partner would never do anything of the sort, but I’m terrified he’s going to leave, too. The pressure I feel from not fulfilling what I perceive to be my duty as a romantic partner has led me not to want to spend time with him. I’m even considering breaking up with him to pursue more short-term flings.
I’ve tried supplements, including ginkgo (which is said to help sex drive), and therapy, but there is every chance this is a commitment issue. I would really like to be in a long-term relationship, but maybe I’m just not cut out for one. And that’s a heartbreaking thing to be coming to terms with when I’m barely in my 20s.
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