Dear Coleen

I feel utterly devastated after my husband of four years told me he wanted out of our marriage and that there’s no going back. He says he loves me and our baby daughter, but he can’t see a way for it to work.

We had a particularly bad Christmas, during which I had a huge argument with his mum, which I think is what made his mind up.

I’ve never got on with her, but I did try at the start. She never welcomed me – I always got the impression I wasn’t good enough for her son, plus she tries to tell me what to do all the time and also complains to my husband about me behind my back.

Over the past year she’s arranged a few family events which I refused to go to. I couldn’t face being in her presence, being looked down on and criticised.

I’m now living with my parents and spend every day wondering why my husband doesn’t want to try to make the marriage work and why he never stands up for me with his mum. We were once very happy. I just wish I could do or say something to change his mind. Do you have any ideas?

What would you tell this reader to do? Have your say in the comment section

Coleen says

Well, I hope he didn’t choose to walk away from his marriage because of his mum and, if he did, then I think it’s a blessing in disguise.

However, I think there has to be more to his decision than the fact you don’t get on with his mother and maybe your row with her was just the final straw or an excuse to end things.

You say things were good at the start and his mother was around then, so what’s changed your relationship? I think it would be good to ask him for a proper explanation.

You’ve had a baby, which can put a strain on even the most solid relationships and we’ve also been through lockdowns, which again have been testing for couples. I don’t think you’re getting the full story from him and I think it would help you if he were honest about his reasons.

I don’t know whether you can change his mind but, if he’d agree to couples’ counselling, that could be a way of finding a route back to each other, or of easing the pain of a separation. Good luck.