Dear Coleen, after our third child was born, I was exhausted and went off sex for about a year while I struggled to adapt to having three children under the age of seven.
However, our youngest is now two, and my husband and I have turned into what seems like a pair of flatmates. He never wants to have sex.
When I’ve tried to talk to him about it, he just says he’s tired. He watches a lot of TV on his phone, so I’m on the sofa on my own most nights.
We rarely go out as a family, and he seems content to just live a fairly separate life under the same roof.
Sometimes when I think about what things will be like in 20 years time, when the kids have all left home, I feel really sad. But I really hate the thought of breaking up our family.
I’m just not sure that we’re right for each other any more.
Coleen says
It’s not fair that your husband won’t listen to your concerns. It drives me mad when people do that. What you could do is write a letter to him, putting down all your concerns and frustrations about your lack of sex life and closeness.
Once you have got it all down on paper it will be a huge relief.
It’s very hard to get through to somebody who won’t listen. You could also try sitting down with him and telling him that while you love him and want your family to succeed, this is how he’s making you feel.
Tell him how lonely you are at the moment, never having sex, or sitting alone on the sofa at night while he’s off watching TV.
That way, whatever happens, you know you’ve tried your best to salvage the situation.
