I am a professional woman, with a doctoral degree, earning a very good living in a high-profile and demanding job. I have been married for almost 20 years. My husband lost his job about a decade ago (when we moved to advance my career) and has not worked since. He is being treated for depression, but remains fragile. I work long hours and come home to the second shift: unwashed dishes, dusty floors, general clutter, unfed pets. When I gently and cautiously raise this with him, he lashes out: my standards are too high; the pets are mine and thus no business of his, etc. I don’t argue with him and try to avoid confrontation. I feel a sense of responsibility for him and I also feel compassion for his unhappiness. I try to always treat him with love and respect, never commenting on his lack of economic activity, how he spends his time (on the computer), or criticising his choices. But can this situation improve and, if it can, how would I initiate a change?
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