Dear Coleen
I have a weird problem – I’m on the Pill but my husband still insists on wearing condoms.
We have three kids under eight, which is pretty hard work, and I flippantly joked one night after a few drinks that I would like another child to complete our family.
I’ve never seen him look so scared. He said he never wanted more kids and that it’s tough enough to cope with three.
I agreed and said I was only joking or talking “ideal world scenario” – ie, if we had the money and energy for four kids.
But it’s clear he doesn’t trust me – which is so offensive – and insists on condoms for “extra protection” and “just to make sure there are no accidents”.
Is it just me or is this a massive overreaction?
We haven’t used condoms since we first dated and sex is a comedy sketch while he fiddles with the condom.
It’s not sexy and I’m becoming more and more irritated by his paranoia.
I’d never trick him into another pregnancy, but he obviously doesn’t believe me.
How can I sort this out?
What advice would you give to this reader? Have your say in the comment section
Coleen says
It’s very clear he doesn’t want another baby and maybe he’s more worried you’ll forget to take the Pill, so is protecting against all eventualities. I don’t think he would walk out on you if you did get pregnant, but he obviously wouldn’t be happy about it and that would put stress on your relationship.
I think you should tell him that if he doesn’t trust you – to the point where it’s starting to wreck your sex life – then he should think about having a vasectomy. That will prove you’re in agreement with him.
It puts him in control and you’ll never have to row about it again. I do think it’s important to be honest about this subject, which he has been.
I’m sure he loves your kids very much, but it’s OK to admit that parenting is hard work and doesn’t leave much time for you as a couple.
At the end of the day, you both agree on this, so find a better solution.
If he can’t even take a joke about having another kid, then he needs to take the reins.
