Although I’m almost 60, I am still afflicted with hot flushes, especially at night. My husband has learned to live with the disruptions to sleep but this heat – along with the usual flagging libido – has pretty well killed our sex life. I’m good for about two minutes of cuddling, but then I’m just too hot. I feel it, he feels it, game over.
I assume you are not interested in seeking an evaluation for hormone therapy? It’s not for everyone, but many women have been helped with supplements.
Alternatively, talk to your husband about making some simple changes in your routine. Since hot flushes affect you mostly at night, find other times for love-making. Whenever you can muster the desire, take advantage; this could be an excellent opportunity for a non-bedroom romantic liaison. Choose cool locations – even beachside, the garden or a hotel room with air con. The shower is worth a try, and even the bath, although water can further deplete your lubrication, so have some lube standing by.
While continuing to appreciate his understanding and support for what you are going through, make some changes in your bedroom to give each of you the space – and temperature – you need for a good night’s sleep (thinner covers, more space between you). If all else fails, aim a fan at your back and perform the best oral sex he’s ever had.
• Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual disorders.
• If you would like advice from Pamela Stephenson Connolly on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your concerns to private.lives@theguardian.com(please don’t send attachments).
