Dear Coleen, I split with my ex-husband four years ago.
There was no one else involved, but it was my choice – I couldn’t stand his grumpiness, constant criticism and judgmental attitude.
I’ve since met a great guy, we’re engaged and he loves my daughter, who’s 10.
Over the past few months, my daughter’s behaviour has changed quite a lot – she’s rude, makes nasty comments about my partner and me (which she never did before) and is always telling me about what her dad thinks of things, including my relationship.
I think he’s poisoning her against me and making her feel bad about my forthcoming marriage. I can’t bear to even talk to him because I’m so angry. What can I do?
Coleen says
Yep, it sounds like a good old-fashioned case of jealousy – your ex is using your daughter as a weapon and trying to mess up everything for you.
It’s the lowest of the low to use a child in this way because, ultimately she is the one who suffers long-term damage.
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As much as you can’t bear to talk to him, I think you have to. Involve a mediator if you think it’ll make things easier.
You have to try to make him see that what he’s doing is damaging your daughter.
If he wants to tell you what he thinks directly, then fine, but don’t involve your little girl.
It’s very important to agree to leave her out of any issues you have with each other.
In the meantime, I hope he finds a woman willing to take him on, so he’s less interested in meddling in your life.
And get your daughter excited about the wedding – involve her, give her some responsibilities for the day and make it a really positive experience.
