I’ve been going out with my girlfriend for years. She is wonderful and I am very lucky to be with her. The problem is our sex life. I have fetishes for both feet and tickling and long to incorporate them. However, though she does not mind me harbouring these fetishes, she will not take part.
Partners of people who enjoy such erotic styles as yours are commonly not so much judgmental as confused. They simply do not understand how they could fit into a type of erotic scenario that’s different to what they’re used to. Try to create a simple and non-threatening introduction.
For example, she might enjoy a simple foot caress to start with – perhaps in a bath, after you have treated her to a spa pedicure. The next step might be an oral foot caress. Follow it with her favourite style of orgasm. If she enjoys that, you might incrementally introduce other types of sensual foot play, but keep checking that she is comfortable. Tickling should only be introduced once you have a more solid and trusting erotic connection, and when you can help her understand exactly what you’d like her to do and negotiate a consensual scene.
You probably have a preferred “script” for foot play and tickling, but you must proceed consensually and cautiously at the pace your girlfriend can handle – and be prepared that she may never fully share your interests.
• Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual disorders.
• If you would like advice from Pamela Stephenson Connolly on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your concerns to private.lives@theguardian.com (please don’t send attachments).
