Dear Coleen
I’m a guy aged 30 and I badly need advice on how to move on from romantic failure.
Earlier this year I started cheating on my girlfriend of four years with a married woman. I knew it was wrong at the time, but she had this hold over me. The attraction between us was intense and I wasn’t thinking clearly.
To cut to the chase, my girlfriend became suspicious, did some snooping and found out, so she dumped me and moved out of our flat. She currently hates my guts.
After my girlfriend left, the other woman walked out on her marriage and moved in with me. I was shocked she’d chosen me but, of course, I was happy about it. However, it only lasted a few weeks.
Her husband started sending her long emails and showing up at her work, begging her to come back and promising all sorts – he’d change, he’d pay her more attention, he’d book holidays and be more romantic. She fell for it and went back.
I feel used by her and I feel bad for my ex-girlfriend who didn’t deserve to be treated so badly. I know my ex wants nothing to do with me on a romantic front, but I’d like to try to make it right somehow.
How do I move on from this?
Coleen says
Well, I think the only way to move on is to learn from it and don’t make the same mistakes when you’re next in a relationship with someone you really care about.
You hurt your girlfriend and this other woman hurt you, and I’m sure you can see now that the affair wasn’t worth it – it ended your relationship in a horrible way and you were left feeling used and regretting what happened.
I’m not sure you can make it right with your ex and she might not even care – the damage has been done and if she’s got any sense she’ll be focusing on moving on with life.
You could always drop her an email acknowledging that you hurt her and apologise for it, but I wouldn’t expect a reply. It might help you to get your feelings down on paper, though, and to know she will have read it.
I think your relationship was probably struggling, which is why you fell into this relationship with a married woman, but the key is to talk about it and make some decisions before jumping into bed with someone else.
