Attending a wedding shouldn't be treated as a requirement, and if you can't make the big day for whatever reason, the bride and groom shouldn't make you feel guilty for having prior commitments. But one woman has been slammed by her sister and by people online for not making more of an effort to attend her friend's wedding - as he risked his job to go to hers.
The woman admitted she was a "major bridezilla" when she got married and was furious when people said they couldn't attend her mid-week wedding. But her friend Paul took the day off despite having only just started a new job, and travelled five hours to make sure he was there for her big day.
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Paul is getting married in October and is keen to have his friend there - but she has said she won't be going because she can't find childcare and doesn't want her husband to have to take time off work.
In a post on Reddit, she explained: "I'd like to acknowledge that I was the a**hole eight years ago along with being a major bridezilla. I had my wedding on a Wednesday afternoon, we were late sending out invites, and many of my guests had to take off from work and travel several hours to be there.
"When many people declined, I took to Facebook and went on a rant about people not making time for the important things and being terrible friends and relatives. I am ashamed of this and hate that I did this.
"An old friend of mine, Paul, had just started a new job, took the day off work, drove 5 hours, and gave us a very generous gift. I was so touched and still remember how nice it was to see him.
"Life is different now. We have a 5-year-old and a 3-year-old. Paul is getting married in October. We got the save the date and the invitation. I tried to get childcare for the day, but no relatives are willing to do it and we cannot afford a babysitter. It's my day off and my husband is hourly so taking the day off would mean no income and we'd have to pay a sitter.
"I apologised to Paul and told him that we could not arrange childcare that day and it was a far distance to travel so we could not be there. He replied that was why he had given us plenty of advanced notice so that childcare would not be a problem."
The woman's sister then pointed out her hypocrisy and even told her that she was wrong to claim that she's seen the error of her ways, as she actually just wants "different rules to apply" to her.
She added: "When I spoke to my sister, she reminded me of my post, specifically calling out people who didn't get babysitters, people who wouldn't take off work, and those who wouldn't travel for my wedding.
"I explained that I regretted my words, that I had grown up a lot, and as my life had changed I recognised I had been unfair. My sister replied that I hadn't changed, I just wanted different rules to apply to me when the shoe is on the other foot.
"She told me I at least owed it to Paul to send a monetary gift equivalent to what he gave me. I explained that we literally cannot afford to give a gift right now, and I feel terrible."
Commenters on the post were largely in agreement with the woman's sister, as many of them said it was unfair to Paul for her to make no effort for his wedding day when he went above and beyond for hers.
One person said: "Your sister isn't wrong. You haven’t really changed, you're just on the other side of the situation now so you can understand how difficult it was for everyone before and how rude you were. Given how much effort he made for you and the lack of effort you are giving in return, you're the a**hole."
While another wrote: "If you can’t attend, then you can't attend. That happens to people sometimes regardless of how much notice they're given. But it is so unbelievably ironic that you were such a judgmental nightmare during your wedding, and now that you're in the same position you put many of your guests, you make excuses.
"Your sister is right, you just don't want the rules to apply to you. You're a hypocrite. You'll probably lose your friend over this, and I don't blame him."
And a third posted: "Please try and convince someone to take care of the kids so you can attend the wedding. It would clearly mean a lot to him!"
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