Dear Coleen,
This probably seems like a petty problem compared to others you receive, but here goes. I have a friend who basically copies lots of things I do. It started with her buying the same clothes and it’s moved on to buying things for her home that I’ve bought for mine.
I’ve turned a blind eye to most of it, but now I’ve found out she’s going on holiday to the same place in Devon that we’re going to and at the same time.
I feel like I can’t get away from her! I know she’s going to suggest meeting up with our kids, but I really don’t want to. I need a holiday from her.
How should I tackle this? She’s been a reliable friend and we have a laugh together, but it’s starting to become too much.
What advice would you give to this reader? Have your say in the comment section
Coleen says,
This dilemma has actually come up a few times in the years I’ve been writing this column. Obviously, your friend admires you, but I think her behaviour is also coming from a place of insecurity and she’s trying to find an identity through you.
But it probably makes you feel weird about your own identity, weird about the friendship and also slightly suffocated.
If I were in this situation, I’d say: “I love you as a friend, but I feel a bit uncomfortable that you buy the same clothes as me and your house looks like mine, and you’re going on the same holiday”.
She might be offended or embarrassed and fall out with you or it’ll make her reflect on what she’s doing and what’s behind it. It will depend on the strength of your friendship and how honest she’s willing to be with you and herself.
