I recently had a six-month affair with a married woman. We became close, but hadn’t explored how things could progress. Then, a year ago, she seemed to realise that we had no long-term future. Without warning, she became angry and abusive. Despite her husband and children, she threatened to speak to my wife and make the affair public. We no longer speak.
After hearing nothing from her for a year, she has become involved with my best friend via social media (they have lots of public exchanges online). I’m confused by her motives – she doesn’t know him, but clearly knows he is my friend. Nobody knows about the affair, including my friend. It doesn’t seem coincidental. He is married, and I’m worried that she may put him through a similar ordeal. This seems calculated to upset me and create a divide between my friends. I am worried how he will react if I tell him, but I’m also concerned for him. Do I speak to my friend or remain silent?
• When leaving a message on this page, please be sensitive to the fact that you are responding to a real person in the grip of a real-life dilemma, who wrote to Private Lives asking for help, and may well view your comments here. Please consider especially how your words or the tone of your message could be perceived by someone in this situation, and be aware that comments that appear to be disruptive or disrespectful to the individual concerned will be removed.
• If you would like fellow readers to respond to a dilemma of yours, send us an outline of the situation of about 150 words. For advice from Pamela Stephenson Connolly on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your concerns.
• All correspondence should reach us by Wednesday morning. Email: private.lives@theguardian.com (please don’t send attachments).
