I’ve been with my partner for nearly four years, but we live separately and own our homes.
My flat is tiny, so he stays with me occasionally, but it’s not really big enough for the two of us.
His house is much bigger and was left to him by his mum when she died, so he doesn’t want to get rid of it.
The idea is that I’ll move in with him some time next year and sell my flat as we’re planning to get married in 2022.
The problem is, he’s in no rush to move things along and has a female lodger who’s rented a room for nearly five years. They’ve known each other since university and are good friends.
I understand she needs time to find her own place, but every time I bring it up, he fobs me off.
He told me there’s nothing stopping me moving in while she’s still there, but I want it to be our home from the start and wouldn’t feel comfortable sharing it with her.
It doesn’t help that she’s very attractive and swans around the place half naked. Again, my boyfriend thinks this is completely normal.
Is it me who’s being unreasonable or should I give him an ultimatum?
I’d love your advice.
Coleen says
Maybe selling your flat and moving in would be the perfect way to move things along! I’m not sure your boyfriend’s lodger would want to stay living with a couple, and it might give her the incentive to speed up her house hunting.
I’m not a fan of ultimatums, but if you love this guy and want to move things on, then take control of thesituation.
Put your flat on the market, find a moving-in date and get the ball rolling. He is obviously loyal to his friend and doesn’t want to be unreasonable, but maybe he needs a push in the right direction – and actions speak louder than words.
If you start making moves, you’ll soon find out how committed he is.
The situation is obviously making you feel insecure, so it might be worth thinking about why that is. Are you unsure about how committed he is?
Are you worried there’s something going on between them?
Communication is vital for the success of any relationship, so if you have fears, concerns or insecurities, then you should discuss them now.
