Dear Coleen
I’d been with my boyfriend for about a year before he dumped me out of the blue a few weeks ago. It was totally unexpected. I was happy and thought he was, too – and I was very upset.
He claimed the “spark” had gone and he didn’t think we were right for each other any more, which hurt a lot. However, I had no choice but to accept it and move on, which I’ve been trying to do by seeing my mates and staying busy.
Anyway, my ex has been getting in touch, asking to meet up, saying he felt he ended things prematurely or perhaps didn’t explain himself properly. He’s now suggesting we get back together, but keep things casual – i.e. “no label” attached.
He tried to make me feel sorry for him by saying he wasn’t very good at relationships and thinks he needs more experience, and I replied that I didn’t want him to practise on me!
I’m torn because I was in love with him and probably still am.
For all his immaturity, he’s good to be around and a lot of fun. Should I go back or keep going forward?
What advice would you give to this reader? Have your say in the comment section
Coleen says
I think he’s messing you about and maybe the only reason he’s come back is because he hasn’t found anyone else to “spark” with. And actually, hooking up without a label does have a label – it’s called friends with benefits.
I don’t think you can go from a committed relationship to hooking up for sex whenever the fancy takes him – would you honestly be happy with that scenario?
If it’s experience he’s after then, yes, let him go out into the world and learn about people and relationships.
If you were in love with him and still are, then a casual arrangement is a really bad idea because you’ll want more and the likelihood is, you’ll get hurt.
My advice is to keep going forward because there are plenty of guys out there who are good fun and who won’t muck you about.
Your ex sounds like he has some growing up to do, and if he decides he does want a proper relationship with you, he’ll make the effort to prove that, and he won’t be suggesting casual hook-ups.
