Dear Mr Berenson,
I would be ever so grateful were you to allow me to finish my art studies by working for someone as eminent as you in Italy for nothing. I promise not to get in the way.
Yours sincerely, Kenneth Clark
Dear Kenneth Clark,
Bernard is too busy to reply in person, but says you are welcome to come for a month if you must, providing you work on your handwriting.
Yours, Mrs Berenson
Dear Mr Berenson,
I have had rather a bad cold and have just got married to Jane. I hope my work on the Florentine drawings was useful.
Yours sincerely, K Clark
Dear Mr Berenson,
I am writing to say that my cold is a little better and that I have just found a rather marvellous Caravaggio measuring 123.2cm by 51cm. I am enclosing a photograph. I would hate you to think I am a bit needy, but it would be immensely flattering if one day you did reply in person. I feel an extended correspondence between us might one day be extremely valuable to my career as an art historian.
Yours humbly, Kenneth Clark
Dear Mr Clark,
After several years’ reflection on your request, I have decided to acquiesce. As my career wanes so yours waxes, and I am beginning to see there might also be some advantage for me. I would, however, like to establish some ground rules. First, you must never mention the fact that I may have misattributed some painting belonging to Lord Duveen in return for a percentage of the sale price. Second, there are to be no references to my ménage à trois with Mary and Nicky.
Yours guardedly, Mr Berenson
My dear BB,
How simply marvellous to hear from you. I have just seen some pitifully repainted Correggios in the Louvre. If only someone of your stature and sensitivity had been in charge of the restoration. For my part, I would also be grateful if you could exclude any mentions of my extramarital liaisons, in case Jane’s feelings should be hurt. I have just been asked to curate the Italian exhibition in London. Should I accept?
Yours gratefully, Kenneth
Dear Kenneth,
I am sorry I have been so slow to reply. I have been extremely busy updating my masterwork on the altarpieces of Piero della Francesca, and I have had a chesty cough. I do not think curating the Italian exhibition is worthy of a man of your talents.
Regards, Bernard
My dear BB,
So sorry to hear about your cough. Jane has also seemed a bit down in the dumps as well, for some reason. After much deliberation over your advice, which I value higher than anything else in the world, I decided to accept the offer to curate the Italian exhibition. I have now been asked to run the Ashmolean Museum and the National Gallery and become director of the King’s Pictures. Do you think I should accept?
Yours generously, Ken
Dear Ken,
Mary seems to have the same malaise as Jane. Only perhaps a little worse, as she has now died. I beg you not to accept anything quite so demeaning as the three job offers you have been made. They will only deflect from your studies, and you have the makings of an above-average art historian.
Yours not quite so grudgingly, Bernard
My dear BB,
Jane is now feeling a bit worse herself, but allow me to move on to the important issue of the magnificent sentence you contributed to my Leonardo catalogue. Only someone as astute as you could have made such a remark. Against your advice, though I continue to hold it in the highest possible esteem, I decided to accept all three positions. Isn’t the war making it hard to maintain the works of Giorgione to an acceptable level?
Yours affectionately, Ken
My dear Ken,
Now the war is over, I am finding it difficult to get anything published, other than the enchanting causerie you wrote of my Moments of Vision. I am still not feeling very well.
Yours in friendship, BB
My dear BB,
I am sorry it has taken me so long to reply. I have recently become director of the Slade, a founder of ITV, Jane is still below par and I am writing a brilliant bestseller on The Nude. I hope you would not think it presumptuous were I to dedicate the work to you. I very much enjoyed your minor monograph on whatever it was.
Yours affectionately, K
My dearest K,
I have missed you so much, and you do me a huge honour by dedicating The Nude to me, though I wonder if there will be quite as much appetite for it as you think. I say this not to run you down in any way, as your scholarship is second to none, but rather to manage your expectations. Il popolo non lavate may not follow your arguments and allusions. I’m feeling even worse.
With love, BB
My dear BB,
I am sorry it has taken so long to reply, I have been rather tied up buying a castle. But I wept with joy at your acceptance of my offer to dedicate a book to you. Must dash.
Yours etc, K
My dearest, dear K,
I think I have died.
Yours angelically, BB
Digested read, digested: You’re marvellous, aren’t I?
