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The Guardian - UK
The Guardian - UK
Lifestyle

My cousin is impotent and has become an alcoholic

Worried man (posed by model).
‘He doesn’t know if he has a physical dysfunction’ (posed by model). Photograph: Marcel ter Bekke/Getty Images/Flickr RF

My cousin is 52 and was a beautiful, intelligent child and young adult, but he became an alcoholic and has been for the past 25 years. Recently when drunk he admitted in an answerphone machine that he had been impotent from a very early age, and that he had been trying to find ways to compensate for this heavy and painful secret. I would like to help him but I do not know how. One of his sisters and I are the only ones who know his heartbreaking secret, and I am really cross with his parents, who should have seen it and acted. He does not even know if he has a physical dysfunction or if it has some link with his permanently arguing and sexually disharmonic parents. I hope you will be able to help me help him (if it is still possible).

• When leaving a message on this page, please be sensitive to the fact that you are responding to a real person in the grip of a real-life dilemma, who wrote to Private Lives asking for help, and may well view your comments here. Please consider especially how your words or the tone of your message could be perceived by someone in this situation, and be aware that comments that appear to be disruptive or disrespectful to the individual concerned will be removed.

• If you would like fellow readers to respond to a dilemma of yours, send us an outline of the situation of about 150 words. For advice from Pamela Stephenson Connolly on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your concerns.

• All correspondence should reach us by Wednesday morning. Email:private.lives@theguardian.com (please don’t send attachments).

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