Dear Coleen, I’ve found myself in a tricky situation at work. I started my new job recently and have realised an ex works there, too, but in a different department.
He was absolutely horrible at the end of our relationship.
I found out he had been seeing multiple other women, even though we were living together and (I thought) building a future.
He had children from his previous marriage, who I met and got to know. It was devastating when I moved out and had to start from scratch.
I’m seven years younger than him and I felt he took advantage of my age, using his charm to sweet talk me and to cover up his affairs.
Now, I feel sick and panicked going into work when what I should be doing is focusing on the job and trying to make a good impression.
I worry that he’ll lie about our relationship, too, and what happened. I don’t know any of my colleagues well enough yet to confide in them.
I don’t want to leave the job, as it’s a good one, and I don’t see why I should.
Can you give me some advice on how I can handle this?
Coleen says
Yes – put all your efforts into enjoying the job and getting to know your colleagues, and be thankful he’s your ex. It seems you are still letting him get into your head and control you, when you should be going into work, holding your head high and feeling really proud that you have got this great job.
If he tries to get into a conversation about your relationship, shut it down immediately by telling him it’s in the past, you have no interest in revisiting it, and you’re there to work.
His cheating and his lying during your time together obviously damaged your confidence and left you heartbroken, but the important thing is not to let him keep controlling your story. Working for the same company is bound to feel awkward at first, but that won’t last because you’ll gain confidence in your role and make friends.
If he finds the situation difficult, let him leave. And if he does start causing trouble, go to HR and explain what’s going on.
Prove to him that you’re over him and you’ve survived everything he put you through.
That’s going to make you feel pretty strong.
